


No More

by Fandom_girl21



Series: Repentance Tour [5]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, more to be added as i go, whew this going to be fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-08-18 10:09:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 44,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8158408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_girl21/pseuds/Fandom_girl21
Summary: The Angels are coming back, but it would take more than Divine Providence to fix them.They are family in name only. They may reside in Heaven but they've been through Hell. They might have forgotten what harmony looks like but there is one thing that they agree on:No More.No more Pain.No more War.Just, No More.





	1. No More: Orders

**Author's Note:**

> Unless stated, the chapters take place after their meeting with Chuck.

Michael appeared in his personal Heaven drained and emotional numb. He stumbled to his couch and sat down trying to melt into the soft cushions.

He closed his eyes, sighing softly at the quiet but he couldn't get comfortable. His mind was whirling, he needed to do something. _Anything_.

He slowly stood, rolling his shoulders trying to melt away the stiffness.

He moved from his living room, down the hall past the bedroom, and then the office to the closed door at the end of the hall.

He paused his hand an inch away from the doorknob. He hadn't been in this room in so long. It pained him too much. But now, now he maybe was so broken that memories might make him happy instead of sad.

He took a deep breath and turned the doorknob. Stepping inside his breath caught, it was exactly as it had been. The room was filled with knick knacks.

Rows upon rows of pictures, crafts, writing, anything and everything. Michael walked across the way to a small table with five things.

Compared to the rows surrounding the room the table was bare.

Michael slowly lifted the first object, a shard of a star, it pulsed its light. It slowly rotated in Michael's hand.

Michael had half expected the objects on the table to have vanished since the owners had long gone. Instead they remained intact, as new as the day Michael had been given them.

Michael closed his hand around the star shard, still the memory came unbidden.

*******

_"Mica do you have to leave?"_

_"I must help Father Samael, I'll be back."_

_Samael pouted up at him._

_"But you're going to the border! It's dark there!"_

_Michael had laughed ruffling his hair._

_"I have Father with me, I have light."_

_Samael had bit his lip before jumping and pulling a piece of a star free, he then handed it to Michael._

_"Here. Daddy says I'm brighter than his stars. But since I can't come, take this. You'll have a piece of me with you."_

_******* _

Michael gently placed the star shard down, trying not to break down in sobs. He wouldn't cry, Lucifer was coming back. His eyes landed on the next object - a picture.

He slowly held it, the ink hadn't faded.

*******

_"Raphael what are you doing little one?"_

_Raphael had looked up his brown eyes bright._

_"Micha! Drawing! Sammy taught me, he says I'm better him. Wanna see?"_

_Michael had nodded crouching down on the ground to see as Raphael thrust the picture at him. Michael gasped._

_"Raphie this is amazing."_

_Raphael had beamed and hugged him._

_"It's for you! I'm glad you like it!"_

_******* _

The drawing was of Michael and Samael laughing and talking, behind them the swirl of light and dark was mixing into a milky gray.

Michael brushed his eyes as he saw tear drops begin to fall on the parchment. He took a deep breath and placed it back on the table.

His eyes landed next on illusion. He gently brought it to his eyes, though he knew each scene by heart.

*******

_"Mickey!"_

_Michael had turned and looked down._

_"Yes Gabriel?"_

_"Look what Raphie and Sammy helped me make for you!"_

_Gabriel opened his hand to show Michael a scene of the four of them running and playing, Michael would talk to Samael for a moment only for Samael to be tackled to the ground by Raphael. Michael would then pick up Gabriel who had laughed at Samael's surprise._

_The scene ended with them all on the ground laughing, happy._

_******* _

Michael placed it back and turned to the last object - a butterfly on a stand.

It's wings colored in pastel hues, the edges rings with dark overtones. It was all at once beautiful and alluring. Nearly impossible to resist. Exactly like the angel that had given it to him.

*******

_Michael had felt a tap on his arm and looked up from the butterfly he was painting. He set it slowly aside as Azazel looked at him shyly._

_"Here Michael, I tried to do what you taught me."_

_Michael gingerly took the butterfly from Azazel's hands._

_"It's perfect."_

_Azazel tilted his head._

_"Really?"_

_Michael laughed and nodded._

_"I love it, it's amazing Butterfly."_

_Azazel's brow furrowed in confusion._

_"Butterfly?"_

_Michael set the butterfly down and looked at him._

_"Yes. Because like a butterfly you're beautiful and have many hidden talents. I can see why your Raphael's favorite."_

_Azazel squealed and jumped into Michael's arms._

_"I love you Mike_ _!"_

_******* _

Michael blinked setting the butterfly on the table. The words echoed in his head as he looked around the room. His eyes landing on the twig crown Zachariah had made him. Then to the all green wreath Naomi had made when she figured out that it was his favorite color.

From there his eyes touched wooden sword Uriel had carved for him, then the handkerchief depicting him standing on a hill the sun at his back that Samandriel had knit him.

This was a bad idea. He needed to get out of this room. He moved, almost falling when his legs didn't cooperate. They had gone stiff from him not moving. He slowly crawled a little away from the table, till he was more in the center of the room. His eyes landing on the pink heart pillow Anna had made him.

Then the snowflake made of clouds and ice that Tamiel had created for him. Michael remembered numbly how terrified he used to be of thunder and the cold rain till Michael had taken him to see how it was all made.

Michael looked away, only for his eyes to land on a wooden carving of a lion — his favorite animal. He closed his eyes, burying his head in the carpet. Castiel had given him that after he'd taken him to Africa.

Once enough feeling returned into his legs, Michael stood and bolted from the room. He slammed the door shut. But he didn't make it too far before he was on the ground dry heaving. His head pounding as the many faces of his siblings swirled through his head.

Fragments of conversations some happy, some sad, flitted through next. Michael clamped his hands over his ears trying to drown out all the pain.

He curled inward. What had he done? He'd destroyed them, all of them. If he hadn't listened... If he just tried to reason with Father he could have saved him. If he had listened to those humans, to Lucifer so many more of his siblings would have lived.

His breathing slowed, he blinked his eyes open as a new thought appeared in his head.

Father was going to bring them back. It wasn't too late. Michael could change, he could be a brother worthy of his siblings love and loyalty.

Michael slowly sat up, he remembered what he'd told Father, he couldn't do it again. He couldn't follow anymore orders.

Michael closed his eyes and slowly exhaled.

He opened his eyes and breathed easy for the first time all day. He was done listening to Father, his priority was Heaven. He would do the very best to bring his family back together.

And if Father tried to tear them apart again... He'd throw him out of Heaven himself. He wasn't going to listen to anymore orders.


	2. No More: Detachment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unless stated, the chapters take place after their meeting with God.

Lucifer blinked and stiffened. Taking in the spinning stars and galaxies making up the sky. The soft down grass under his feet.

Lucifer closed his eyes, he was in his personal Heaven. He hadn't been here since...

Lucifer's eyes scrunched tightly the sounds of swords clanging, the shouts of the dying.... Seeing the warm light get farther and farther as he plummeted to the earth.

Lucifer took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He turned his eyes to the sky above him.

Nothing had changed, it all felt so wrong. This wasn't his... This was Samael's.

Lucifer looked away from the sky, his mouth curling at the name bounced in his head. Samael was dead, that part of him had been killed when he fell.

He was Lucifer, the Devil, the advisory of God...

Lucifer blinked not remembering when had come to lay on the grass. His fingers curled in the soft earth.

He was disoriented, he should haven't sounded so surprised to be sent here. He shouldn't be so shocked to see nothing had changed.

It shouldn't hurt so much. Samael was dead.

Lucifer didn't care, not about Heaven, or angels, or God.

Lucifer didn't need any of them.  
He didn't need any one.

So why didn't he believe his own words.

Lucifer's nails dug into the earth, he repeated the words in his head.

Over and over again. Till they were bleeding into each other.

He repeated the thoughts till the words sounded like a string of syllables with no meaning.

He slowly sat up and looked at the sky again.

He didn't want to remember Michael's smile when he gave a piece of a star. Of Raphael's sparkling eyes when he saw a star up close. Of Gabriel's laugh as he chased him around and around the sun.

Lucifer looked down at the grass, slightly surprised to feel his cheeks wet.

This should hurt. These were nothing but falsehoods. His "family" had never cared about him.

If they had, if there had ever been a sliver of love between them that was genuine — he wouldn't have ever fell.

But his mind played with him. Seeing the yellow eyes of adoration as he kneeled before him, as he pledged himself in the full moon night.

Lucifer sneered to himself. Him? Azazel was a sorry excuse for an angel, he was only marginally better as a demon. At least as a demon he didn't question.

He refused to call Azazel family, to him in the pedestal he had put his brothers and father on.

His mind went to Castiel to the broken seraph who tried to be God, who tried and tried and failed...

Why was Castiel even still alive? He was a worthless piece of grace.

Lucifer blinked as he smelled the warm, sweet, breeze of Heaven so at odds with his jagged emotions.

He pushed those emotions down as he always had.

"It's okay to care."

Lucifer turned to see Michael watching him. Michael looked away from his questioning eyes.

"I couldn't wait."

Lucifer nodded and felt him speak before he'd made up his mind to.

"Do you still care?"

Michael looked at him, his eyes wide but holding no emotion.

"Yes. I care more than I should, than I can bare."

Lucifer looked away from his brother to the stardust floating above them. He snapped his hand. The sky rippled and changed. More Suns, more minimalist design.

He didn't want to go back to that cage.  
He didn't want to kill Michael.

He wanted to stop fighting.  
He wanted his family back.

He wanted to see if there was a way he could set aside his pride but keep his ideals.

He wanted to see if there was anything beyond the burning anger burning inside him. 


	3. No More: Numbness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unless stated, the chapters take place after their meeting with God.

They appeared in a cottage on the outskirts of some Europe town. The countryside surrounding them.

Raphael felt his hand latch onto the back of a sofa, as the events of the last two hours came rushing to him in a moment of clarity.

He was glad when he looked back at the entry way to see Azazel had opted to look around the property, giving him some much needed alone time.

Raphael closed his eyes bowing his head. He started with the facts, the indisputable things he knew to be true at this moment.

Father was back.  
He was alive.  
He was never dead.

Michael was in Heaven.  
As was Lucifer.

The Darkness was free.  
And somehow had been swayed to not destroy everyone.

Azazel was alive.  
Azazel was with him.  
Azazel forgave him?

Raphael opened his eyes at that, drawing a blank. It occurred to him that Azazel could still leave. He had no reason to stay, he'd been forgiven, his sins expunged.

He had no reason to stay with him. Hell, Raphael wouldn't blame him if he left. Between the two of them it was Raphael that was trying to go back to how they used to be.

Azazel was the type to not look back. To love and hold someone completely for the moment he was with them.

Then like a dream he'd leave, moving on to the next thing he could conquer.

Raphael had no illusions of who Azazel would choose should Lucifer rebel again. But he had always hoped the eons they'd spent together meant something...

Raphael pushed away from the sofa and stumbled through the living room to the backdoor. He leaned heavily against the open doorway, simply content to stare at the sky.

At the simple beauty around him. It had always seemed cruel to him. That the earth and sky didn't reflect the pain, the ever present numbness in him.

It felt like a mockery to see the humans enjoy something so beautiful.  
Something they hadn't earned, but been given for the sheer reason they'd been created.

Raphael took a breath, his hand reflexively going to his neck, to the key around his neck. One of two that opened the gates of Heaven.

Raphael fingered the grooves, and cold metal as the conversation came back to him.

The chain being thrust in his hand, his confusion, and sudden fear. Even though he hadn't known then what was going to happen.

_"Keep it safe, okay? Take care of them for me, alright, Flower?"_

Raphael had nodded. Still confused and as his brother had turned away Raphael had finally found his voice.

_"Wait, Samael! What about Michael? What will he say when he sees me with this?"_

Samael had looked back at him over his shoulder. His words losing the love, the first signs that Samael had lost to the poison in him.

_"He'll say "it's time", that The Monster needs to be stopped."_

Samael had turned away and strode from Raphael's infirmary. Raphael had looked back at the key in his hand, closing his fist over it, and held it tightly.

It was only days later he'd learned just the scope of Lucifer's betrayal. How Azazel had looked at him and said:

_"No matter what happens, I love you."_

Raphael had looked away, his hands clenching.

_"So you're going to really do this?"_

Remembering how Azazel had begged him to come with him:

_"It doesn't have to be like this. Come with me."_

His head had shot up, his eyes glassy.

_"Azazel, you know I cannot. I have a loyalty —"_

_"As do I. I have a loyalty to my commander. But - but I need you."_

Raphael had looked away then, from his wide pleading eyes.

_"If you needed me you wouldn't be doing this."_

How easily Azazel had walked away after that.

Raphael tried not to choke on the emotion, his hand went to the ring on his left hand, thinking of the identical one Azazel had flashed under the sun that day.

Raphael felt his vision tunnel, focusing on a apple tree at the edge of the property.

How easily everyone had left him.

Samael.  
Azazel.  
Gabriel.

The hand slid from his left finger to the bracelet adorned there - gold, and whimsical with the charm of a horn, of Gabriel's horn.

Raphael remembered how close they had used to be. How it had been to take Gabriel to see Alpha Centauri after Michael and Samael had both promised and forgotten.

How it had been him who comforted Gabriel when they fought.

How it had been him that Gabriel came to when late at night the laugh of their aunt haunted his dreams.

Raphael slid to the ground, how it had been him who had taught Gabriel to fly, to weave through the darkness to the beacon that had been Michael's flaming sword.

How had Gabriel and he gone from all of that to no goodbye, to nothing.

He wondered briefly if he had ever mattered to anyone at all.

He startled as he felt hands on his. Strong hands that held him tightly and pulled him to his feet and then gently let him sink in the sofa.

Azazel stared down at him, his usual confidence had at some point been scraped away to reveal how nervous he was about this situation.

He closed his eyes as Raphael watched him detached from everything happening around him.

Azazel opened his eyes before he came to sit next to him gingerly.

Raphael didn't speak opting to wait him out. He didn't have to wait, Azazel's neves must have been as fried as his because his first question wasn't about all the bad blood that they would need to discuss.

"How do you keep them out?"

Raphael blinked, his mind slow and sluggish.

"Who?"

"Heaven. How do I keep them out?"

Raphael titled his head and looked at him.

"Why would you want to do that? Won't Lucifer ne—"

"You need me more."

Azazel's voice was firm, there wasn't any room for argument, so Raphael didn't argue. He instead asked for a piece of paper and drew it for him.

Azazel studied it for a moment before cutting his hand and beginning to draw it on the wall. Raphael watched as soon the cottage was soon covered sigils, from enochian to witch.

Azazel came back and sat next to him. Azazel spoke first again, the silence getting to him quicker.

"Two weeks. That's how long I'm giving both of us to forget about everything and everyone. After that we need to talk."

Raphael blinked at him.

"You—? Why do you want me? You're free, you can go have a human, I hear that's okay now."

Raphael kept the eye contact, and couldn't resist adding.

"It's not like I ever meant anything to you anyway."

Azazel's reaction was immediate. His eyes closed, his breathing became ragged as if he was wounded. His whole body seemed to tense. Akin to the reaction humans called "Fight-or-Flight"

Azazel slowly opened his eyes and met his eyes, his voice raw and his eyes open, all the walls he had ever had been blasted into smithereens.

"You're the only weakness I've ever had."

Raphael stared at him, the thoughts in his mind slowing. Two weeks. 336 hours of no thought, no flashbacks, no future - no responsibilities.

14 days. He could do that. He could forget for 14 days.

He could care about nothing but the need that was slowly awakening in him the longer he held Azazel's eyes for 20,160 minutes.

He slowly swallowed, aware of the new tension in the room. He licked his lips, his heart speeding up as Azazel's eyes zeroed in on it.

He waited slightly impatient as Azazel's eyes slowly wandered back to his.

"Make me forget."

Raphael finally whispered, feeling a thrill as Azazel slowly slid his hand on the back of his neck and pulled him close.

Raphael could feel his grace begin to thrum for the first time with something that's wasn't induced from anxiety or worry.

He could do this. He could focus on nothing but the perfect way they fit together for 1,209,600 seconds.


	4. No More: Pretenses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during the archangels "vacation".

Lucifer and Raphael followed behind Michael as he flew them somewhere.

Raphael tried not to let the words Lucifer said affect him, Samael was dead. This was nothing but the poison of The Monster.

He'd be a fool to trust those words.

Lucifer silently cursed in his head. He was slipping, he didn't think he had any concern left for anyone, but trust Raphael to dredge it up simply by turning his back to him.

What the hell was happening to him?

Michael ignored them both, focusing instead on trying to remember the route. He didn't want to go anywhere they used to go, it would be too painful.

Instead he decided to go somewhere new, someplace Father had called The Empty.

Apparently it was a void and free of any life or really anything. He hoped they could all get work through some of their issues there.

Lucifer saw the opening to The Empty first. He slowed as Michael landed. Raphael coming to land a moment behind them.

Lucifer looked at Michael quizzically.

"Where are we going?"

Michael pointed to the ripple in the air. Lucifer rolled his eyes, and set his hands on his hips.

"Okay, why?"

Raphael huffed and looked away thinking bitterly how he should have brought earplugs.

Michael opened his mouth to tell Lucifer to trust him, or to just do it because he had told him to. He took a breath and instead said:

"It's a surprise."

Lucifer's eyes narrowed but he complied and walked into the ripple. Michael motioned Raphael in next. lastly he himself went. He looked back at the vibrant, sheer, creation around him before taking a breath and walking through the ripple.

Lucifer looked up as he heard Michael come in, but went back to scanning the surroundings around him. His eyes went to Raphael who was watching him. He forced himself to not look away.

Finally Raphael looked away. Raphael cursed himself as he did, the last thing he wanted was Lucifer to think he was weak.

Dammit. This was already turning into a chore.

Lucifer watched as Raphael looked away, and tried not to clench his teeth in annoyance. Would it kill him to try and make conversation?

Michael looked between them and tried not to sigh in frustration. Gabriel would have made this whole endeavor easier.

But Gabriel wasn't here, so he had to make due.

He conjured a small cat and watched it as it prowled around the void. He sat on the ground and conjured mice for it to play with.

Lucifer and Raphael watched it for a moment before they both sat down on the ground.

Raphael snapped his hand, smiling when the cat drank from the milk dish he had created.

Lucifer watched for a moment longer, before snapping his hand and creating a climbing tree for it. He grinned as it began to climb it.

Michael snapped his hand and created a pond with some fish inside it.

The cat meowed and jumped down ant peered down at it. Raphael snapped his hand letting bubbles appear from the water, chuckling softly as the cat batted at the bubbles.

Lucifer snapped his hand and added some snowflakes over the cat. The cat's nose twitched and it sneezed and shivered at the sudden cold.

The brothers laughed at that. Michael drew a blank of what else to add, but it wasn't about the cat, it never was.

Lucifer blinked in surprise as the car ambled over and rubbed against him, purring.

Lucifer petted the cat for a moment, he waited for the animal to do something in him, make him smile, make him feel... Something, anything.

Lucifer brushed the tears aside but he couldn't stop them, he pulled the cat to him instinctively as his body began to shake.

Raphael stared at Lucifer wide-eyed.  
He sat frozen trying to comprehend that a cat had did this to him.  
An animal had reduced him to sobs. Why? Had it truly been that long since anyone touched him, shown him any kindness.

He looked to Michael, but Michael didn't move. He kept his eyes on the pond, watching the fish swim there.

Raphael swore and stood, he slowly made his way to where Lucifer was still holding the cat in his death grip, Raphael thanked Michael silently for making sure the cat wasn't ever really alive, but just an illusion - a strong one but an illusion all the same.

Raphael came to stand in front of Lucifer awkwardly before reluctantly sitting next to him.

Michael kept his eyes on the pond, if he looked up or moved the atmosphere would break and he'd have to step in. Lucifer and Raphael needed to reconnect again.

Michael tried not to smile remembering how happy Lucifer had been to hold Raphael, then how delighted he'd been to teach him how to fly and debate with him.

Lucifer's sobs slowed, he forced himself to look up. He turned to Raphael warily, a retort on the tip of his tongue.

A retort which died as Raphael simply blinked and held out his hand to him. Lucifer stiffened and looked from the hand to Raphael.

Lucifer waited for the glare, or the cool look. But Raphael simply said nothing and watched him. Lucifer felt the cat slide from his grasp.

Lucifer's eyes narrowed to Raphael's neck as he shifted to glance at the cat. Raphael had a silver chain around his neck. Lucifer felt his breathing slow down.

Had Raphael —? This whole —?

Lucifer flicked his eyes to Raphael to make sure he was watching, the last thing he wanted him to think was that he going to attack him.

Lucifer slowly hooked a finger under the chain, feeling Raphael's pulse beat like a hammer under his hand. Lucifer's other hand twitched out of sight.

Was Raphael really that afraid he'd hurt him? Yes, he'd hurt Gabriel, but he wasn't stupid enough to hurt anyone with Michael here. Plus he wasn't going to hurt Raphael anyway.

Raphael tried to keep his pulse under control, he didn't want lucifer to think the close proximity made him nervous. It's just been so long since anyone had touched him this gently. Two weeks and day didn't make up for all the eons he'd been treated like a solider, as a weapon, as a leader — someone untouchable, someone to be feared and respected.

He wondered briefly what Lucifer was thinking. Would he be angry he'd kept this whole time? Would he want t back?

Something twisted inside him at that thought. He didn't like that feeling, it felt like he was on the edge of a cliff, teetering on the edge. He wasn't ready to give the necklace up.

Lucifer slowly pulled on the chain till the key lay on the top of Raphael's clothing. They both stared at it for a moment.

"Do - do you want it back?"

Michael gritted his teeth and kept his head on the pond, his hands thankfully occupied with petting the cat.

Lucifer looked up at Raphael slightly startled. Did he? He did, at some point. Yes. But he knew what the symbolic meaning of it meant. He wasn't there yet, he had only just admitted this morning he still cared about them and Father. It was more information than he was comfortable with sharing.

Still he swallowed and spoke taking a risk.

"Not yet. Do you think you can keep it for me a little longer... Flower?"

Michael lost the battle and looked up at that. He eyed them worriedly. He hoped Raphael wouldn't react badly, he had barley reacted when Lucifer had been freed. But when Gabriel had died.... Michael repressed the shiver of unease at that. He had never been so scared he'd loss Raphael till that moment.

_"Sammy wouldn't, Sammy wouldn't, Mike why would — why would Daddy let this happen? Sammy is dead! Sammy is dead! Our brother is dead Michael!"_

Michael briefly closed his eyes, he had remembered how numb he'd been after that. How there had been no anger just disappointment at how far Lucifer had fallen.

He had barley held himself together after seeing Raphael break, he'd even considered reeducating him — but he couldn't, he couldn't let another of this little brothers get hurt because of him.

But now, now for Lucifer to use that nickname...

Raphael blinked, trying and failing to make sense of the words Lucifer said to him. The silence around them was deafening. Raphael swallowed and inhaled shakily.

If Lucifer was going to blindside him like that, he'd return the favor.

"I - sure. I can do that. I can it keep safe for you... Star."

Lucifer stilled. He recognized the gesture for what it was, an offer. Under the layer and layers of numbness and bitter disillusionment Raphael still cared, may even still love him.

Lucifer pulled his hand away and tugged gently at Raphael's sleeve.

"Come'ere."

He said softly, his arms open.

Raphael simply stared at him. This - what had Azazel called it? Vacation. This vacation had gone completely past what Raphael expected.

Raphael blinked at Lucifer's outstretched arms, he was suddenly reminded of just the great many insurmountable sins Lucifer had committed - fratricide being one of the main ones.

Was it a disservice to him to accept Lucifer's offer? Was it disservice to refuse said offer?

Raphael closed his eyes, leaned against Lucifer's chest and stopped thinking.

He snuggled more into the embrace as Lucifer held him tighter. He felt the brush of lips on his temple.

"We have failed you if you ever even entertained the notion you are unwanted, unloved, or thought of as a failure Raphael. You are not, I should considering I'm the one who he cast aside."

Raphael gripped his shirt tightly making Lucifer look down at him.

"I never told you this but I agreed with you. I still do."

Raphael swallowed and spoke again, his voice softer.

"I should have said something then, but after everything I couldn't. I couldn't leave him. But I did agree with you, I want you to know that. I'm sorry I was too much of a coward to say nothing."

Lucifer shook his head, he pulled Raphael into his lap.

"Maybe if I had been half as cowardly as you we'd all still be together."

Raphael didn't say anything to that, just held his shirt tighter.

"I didn't ask him, but is it over? Is it finally over?"

Michael brushed his tears aside. What had he done to deserve such loving brothers like this?

Lucifer swallowed and held him closer. His wings coming around but staging a breath away from Raphael's own.

"I think so, we didn't ask either."

Raphael nodded though anyone could see that wasn't the answer he was hoping for.

"Yes. Yes it's over."

Said Michael standing the illusions dissolving into the void. His little brothers looked up at him with wariness.

Michael swore he would make that look go away for as long as it took. He was tired of seeing the fear in his siblings eyes, he wanted their love and trust. He'd do whatever it took to get it.

Starting with this.

"It's over. No matter what Father says I'm done. Even if he orders me, or threatens me. I'm done hurting the family I'm suppose to love. I'll rebel if I have to Raphael, but I'm not going to kill you Lucifer. Not ever. Okay?"

His baby brothers stared at him in shock and worry. Michael shook his head already anticipating their questions.

"Nothing either of you say can change my mind so I suggest you accept it."

Lucifer looked away first, his voice was soft as he addressed Raphael.

"Can I groom your wings Raph?"

Raphael nodded, showing his wings purposefully letting them grass Lucifer's. Lucifer reluctantly removed his arms to run his fingers through the feathers. His wings instead coming to hold Raphael.

Michael watched them numbly. He came and sat near them. He hung his head.

"I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you both. I was suppose to protect you. But I couldn't even comfort you through your heartbreak, Raphael. Or remind you that no matter what nothing had changed between us when we faced each other, Lucifer. I don't deserve the position I was given, I don't deserve either of your love."

Raphael stared at Michael in shock. He looked to Lucifer for a cue of what to do but he seemed as surprised as him.

Lucifer had seen a lot of emotions from Michael - anger, fierceness, disappointment. But never this. Never sadness, exhaustion. Never this - this brokenness.

Lucifer turned to Raphael.

"I think our Prince needs a hug, what do you think?"

Raphael nodded. They slowly moved pulling him into a embrace. Their wings wound around him, their dings slowly ran through his wings.

His breathing slowed and he finally relaxed, lying on the ground with his eyes closed. He let himself be vulnerable, he let himself be taken care for the maybe the first time in eons.


	5. No More: Loneliness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after Metatron was saved by Michael.

Metatron sat in The Bar sipping a glass of beer a small smile slid on his face as he thought back on the last few hours. He didn't remember Michael being so gullible but he wasn't complaining.

He glanced up as doors slammed open. Azazel strode in, already speaking... How typical. Self absorbed ingrate.

"I don't know whether I should be impressed or concerned."

He said as he slid onto the bar stool next to him, his arm reaching for the drink nozzle to fill his glass.

Metatron smirked.

"Surprised that the student surpassed the teacher? It was bound to happen as some point."

Azazel hummed taking a drink.

"No, but I didn't think it'd happen with you. Certainly not to me."

Metatron scowled and drank. Trust Azazel to ruin his mood.

"Why are you here?"

Azazel set his glass down and placed his arms on the wood and looked at him with the most fake smile Metatron had ever seen.

"Why, to make amends of course."

"You forget I know more enochian sigils than you, I won't hesitate to flay you."

Azazel chuckled and shook his head before stopping and looking at with mock shock.

"Oh you were serious? By all means try to "flay" me. Let's see who has the faster reflexes a human or an angel."

Metatron settled for glaring at him. Finally Azazel sighed and lost the mocking edge.

"He was my best friend Metatron, he'd been through a lot, and for you take advantage —"

"Oh like you wouldn't have done that too?"

Azazel glared at him.

"Not to him. No."

Metatron chuckled and shook his head. How delusional was he?

"Azazel you chose your commander over your mate, you who let your Garrison rot in the ground... You would have used every avenue you had to get what you wanted."

"And what was it you wanted Metatron? I'm still not clear on that part. Was it power? To be worshiped?"

Azazel leaned closer toward him.

"Or maybe it was something simpler, you wanted a friend, that's it isn't it? You wanted a friend since no one in their right mind would ever be friends with you."

Metatron spun till he was fully facing him.

"You're relationship with Raphael will only get you so far."

Azazel only blinked and leaned back.

"Sandalphon would be so disappointed in you."

Metatron paused and clenched his fists.

"I will kill you."

"How? You're nothing but a human with no weapon. And even if you were an angel, you were never anything to be proud of."

Azazel slid off the stool as Metatron lunged. His laughter echoed from the other side of the room.

"I hate you."

Metatron said through gritted teeth.

Azazel only grinned back.

"Join the club, I hear Sam is making t-shirts."

Metatron took a deep breath trying to control the red haze in his vision.

"Why are we even fighting?"

Azazel paused and looked at him.

"Have you forgotten everything I just said?"

Metatron shook his head and walked toward him.

"Why tear each other apart when we court work together?"

Metatron kept the eye contact. If the ever was a way for him to be welcomed back by Heaven it was through Azazel. They might all hate but he was one of them, he rose through the ranks. He was once just a common angel.

Azazel sighed and gave a rueful smile as he shook his head. He spoke softly, but his words made Metatron feel like all the air was being sucked out of the room.

"There's just one problem, there's nothing you can give me Metatron."

Metatron tried not to let it show, but Azazel smiled in triumph as the tears slid down his face. Azazel moved away and turned to leave.

Metatron cursed himself in his head.

"There is something."

Azazel paused and looked back at him.

"Oh, and what is that?"

Metatron looked at him. He hated using his trump card.

"You get your news through the archangels right?"

At Azazel's nod, Metatron spoke again.

"I can get the news straight from God himself. That's got to count for something."

Azazel stared at him.

"It might if he ever talked about anything useful."

Metatron walked toward him.

"He does, he does to her anyway. She wouldn't mind telling me. She never cared for politics anyway."

Azazel titled his head.

"So you're not just selling me God, you're selling The Darkness as well?"

Metatron nodded.

"Tell me which is the more important asset."

"God."

Azazel threw his head back and groaned.

"What has happened to all of you, first Castiel and you. Have you all gotten dumber since I died?"

Metatron narrowed his eyes at him.

"Hell, I'll say yes just because I'm starting to pity you."

Azazel added. Metatron swore Azazel spoke half the time because he loved to hear himself talk. What did Raphael see him again?

"Azazel, yes or no."

Azazel looked back at him his eyes calculating.

"You're not this desperate, so why are you really doing this? You won Metatron, you made me look like a fool in front of them. So what do you really want?"

Metatron drew himself taller, trying to keep his poker face in place, something he had never been good with to begin with.

"I'm tired of playing games. I want someone I can be honest with, someone who will be honest with me."

Azazel gave a slow grin but Metatron didn't care. He might resent Azazel for getting the love and praise he had never gotten, but he was the only ticket he could see.

"Say it Metatron."

"I want you to be my friend Azazel. Will let me?"

Metatron acted like it pained him to speak it. Let Azazel think he won, it would just make this easier for him.

Azazel nodded with a smile.

"With a plea like that from my little brother, how can I say no?"

Azazel gave his hand which Metatron took and shook. Azazel withdrew and flew away.

Metatron slumped into the booth. He loved being Chuck's scribe. He really did. But it was so lonely. He just wanted to stop being so alone.

He just wanted a friend, and he'll take it where he can get it. Besides a sociopath was better than Asstiel any day.


	6. No More: Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place immediately after Gabriel's conversation with Chuck.

Gabriel stood in the Winchester bunker kitchen downing the third bottle he had taken from their fridge.

"I thought you two weren't friends."

Dean said, his voice floating from the library.

"We aren't, I just thought Castiel would appreciate my news."

An unfamiliar British voice said.

"It is true then? Metatron begged you to be his friend?"

Castiel asked, his voice contained a hint of amusement in it.

"Yes he did. I wish I had gotten it on camera it was wonderful!"

Gabriel inwardly sighed, he had come here to escape angels. Of course it would be his luck to run into two of them.

Gabriel placed the bottle on the counter and walked into the library.

Gabriel paused as he saw who Castiel and Dean had been talking to. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Azazel."

Azazel had already turned and was looking at him.

Dean looked between them and rolled his eyes.

"You two have a history?"

Azazel snorted and stood.

"If by history you count my Garrison and I begging him to come save us from Heaven, then yes we do. Other than that we got along fabulously well."

Gabriel closed his eyes and took a breath. He so didn't need this right now.

"Azazel I'm not in the mood."

"Oh I'm sorry, am I ruining your many decade long vacation? It must be hard to deal with real issues when all you do is run from them."

Gabriel opened his eyes and glared at him.

"I'm not doing this with you. Stop. This is your last warning."

Azazel crossed his arms.

"You know I knew you were the weakest one but I never thought you were a coward."

Gabriel was dimly aware of the fact that he had moved. The only thing he registered was the fact that he had Azazel by the throat against the wall.

Azazel chocked, scrambling at him to let him go. Gabriel only smirked and tightened his grip. His hand slowly growing hot. He registered Azazel's grace flare in panic.

But he wasn't focused on all of that, he had locked his gaze with Azazel and was relishing in him slowly begin to panic.

"I am not a coward, I am just done with all of you."

"Gabriel, let him go."

Gabriel took a step back as his hand let Azazel go. He watched as Azazel slid to the ground, his eyes wide as he looked up at him.

But Gabriel didn't give himself time to feel bad, he'd promised him he wouldn't run... He had never promised he'd forgive them.

He looked up to see Raphael appearing in front of him.

"Raphael, seriously? I knew you were a lonely but this? Him? Have your lost mind?"

Raphael brushed past him and crouched in front of Azazel. He murmured to him softly. Azazel shook his head, flicking his eyes between them.

He was nervous. Good. It was about time he remembered that Gabriel was an archangel.

Gabriel was about to turn away thinking Raphael wasn't going to respond when...

"Don't you have anything better to do? Maybe, going and talking to your pagan family."

Gabriel whirled and met Raphael's eye as he stood up.

"You don't get to play the family betrayal card when you didn't help me!"

Raphael rolled his eyes.

"Oh please Gabriel spare me, you know what you were walking into. It's not my fault if you were still naive."

"It wasn't naivety Raphael! It was trust, love. Something you probably don't understand since you're nothing but a emotionless robot."

Raphael took a step closer, thunder rumbled distantly.

"Is this seriously how you want our family reunion to go? You acting like a child who won't accept responsibilities for his actions?"

Gabriel glared at him, turning to fully face him. He ignored the twinge of guilt. The anger in him rose.

"Oh am I ruining the perfect, delusional, little, family portrait you three have going? Luckly for you I don't want to be part of this family anyway!"

Raphael's eyes widened,

"Gabriel you don't actually me—"

Gabriel spoke, steamrolling right over him.

"And another thing, I'm not about to accept responsibility for _Lucifer_ killing me! He was our brother and he killed me! Does that mean anything to you? Did you even mourn me?"

Raphael looked away his voice soft.

"You were dead to me the moment you left without a goodbye."

Gabriel stumbled back, his chest felt tight, as if he'd been stabbed all over again. His hand went to his heart to check to make sure he hadn't. His fingers came back clean.

Gabriel blinked a couple of times, trying to focus.

"I had to leave Raphael, you understand don't you? It hurt to watch them fight, it killed —"

"How do you think it felt for me? Having to shield you and stop you from getting in the middle of their arguments again and again?! I _**hated**_ it, I hated seeing them fight. But I did what I had to! I did my job, how dare you think you're above your duty. How dare you are allowed special treatment!"

Gabriel glared at him, his eyes flicked to Azazel who still hadn't moved from the floor, his wings was plastered to his back. His eyes wide as he looked at Raphael.

Gabriel felt that twinge of guilt again and pushed it down. No. He was done feeling guilty.

"You call it your duty, I call it cold heartedness. After all anyone who could do what you did to your mate doesn't have a heart."

Azazel's eyes flicked to Gabriel, shocked. He looked betrayed. Gabriel didn't have time to wonder why because Raphael was lunging toward him. Gabriel met him, sword on sword.

He grunted as his back hit a book case.

"You forget Gabriel, I taught you everything you know."

He pushed Raphael away, hard.

"You forget Raphael, I've learned some new tricks."

They moved again to attack, when Gabriel shouted feeling himself being roughly pulled back.

He glared as Michael held him in place. He glanced at Raphael to see Lucifer doing the same.

Michael slowly let him go and sighed.

"Welcome back Gabriel."

Gabriel ignored him and instead turned his attention to Lucifer. Lucifer looked up as he felt his eyes on him.

He gave Gabriel a serene look.

"Hello little brother. How are you?"

"Freakin fantastic. You know besides the whole you murdering me thing."

Lucifer briefly closed his eyes. Gabriel dimly registered Azazel moving to sit next to Castiel and Dean on the couch.

"Gabriel I'm sorry. Please, I - I don't know what I was thinking."

Gabriele shook his head.

"No, no dice. Sorry Luci. See I know what you were thinking, you were thinking I was a threat. You were thinking I was a loose end to be disposed of. You know how I know? It's exactly how our _dear_ aunt thought of _**us**_."

Gabriel sighed and fixed Lucifer with a look of bitter disappointment.

"I never thought I'd see the day, but you're stopped being family that day you stabbed me in cold blood. You're not family Lucifer. You're not the brother who raised Raphael and I. You're not Samael."

Lucifer'a whole body violently flinched. Michael glared at Gabriel with wide eyes but it was Raphael who spoke up.

"Don't do this Gabriel. He's trying, we all are. Don't cause us anymore pain."

He sounded exhausted. Gabriel's anger only rose.

He glared at him.

"More pain? Is that what I'm doing? Thanks for the clarification Doc. I thought I was just calling you all on your bullshit."

"Gabriel, enough."

Gabriel glared at Michael.

"Oh, will you _please_ shut up."

"Leave him alone! Michael's been through more than you'll ever understand."

Gabriel could hear the lighting hit against the roof of the bunker.

"Oh look Mike your hype man's back."

Gabriel snidely said to Michael, grinned as Michael closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing.

Raphael spoke again.

"Shut up Gabriel, it's not our fault that no one stood with you. You walked away. Did you seriously think that wouldn't have consequences?"

"Raphael. Stop."

Michael said softly.

"It's not worth it Raph."

Lucifer added gently.

But Gabriel could tell Raphael wasn't listening to either of them. He was only looking at Gabriel as if he could break him through eye contact alone.

Gabriel's wings twitched, well he would show Raphael just how strong he was.

"Oh is that what that was? Is that what cleared your conscience, chocking it up to freaking karma? Raphael I have news for you, that's now how that works. I needed and you didn't come!"

"AND I NEEDED YOU! I needed you to stay and you were too much of a fucking coward to do that! You deserved it Gabriel."

The room seemed to suddenly lose air, Lucifer stared at Raphael in shock. Next to him Gabriel could hear as Michael's breathing quickened. It sounded like he was having a panic attack.

Gabriel's wide eyes matched Raphael's at that last statement. Gabriel sagged against the wall for support. Raphael looked as surprised as he was to say those words.

Gabriel straightened and spoke again. Instead of pain, or guilt, remorse all he said was red. He went for the heart.

"I needed to leave. It's not my fault you're so weak Raphael. Maybe if you were stronger you wouldn't have been killed by Castiel or abandoned by everyone —"

"Gabriel that's enough."

Michael spoke, wrenching his arm back forcing him to break eye contact with Raphael.

But Gabriel wasn't done. He was dimly aware he was crossing over an invisible line but he couldn't help it. All he could think of was seeing Raphael feel like how he had felt that when he'd been alone and died on the cold, hard, floor.

"Maybe if you had been stronger you wouldn't be such a burden to everyone—"

Gabriel felt a sting on his face and lose balance sending him careening to the ground. He looked up as Michael advanced on him. Gabriel felt fear shoot through him.

He had never seen Michael this pissed.

"I _said_ that was **enough** ,Gabriel."

Gabriel looked away as he heard a chocked sound. Lucifer was holding Raphael up as he began to sob.

Gabriel waited for the surge of satisfaction for achieving his goal, but all he felt was hollow. He swallowed as the red haze slowly cleared from his eyes.

He felt his heart break as he saw Raphael slowly getting more and more agitated. He had done this. How could he have let himself do this?

Michael and Lucifer were the ones who deserved his anger not Raphael. Raphael was just as much a victim of them as Gabriel was.

Gabriel tried to go toward him but hissed as he felt a shoe on his wing. He looked up at Michael who just shook his head.

Gabriel turned back to Raphael.

"Raphie, I - I —"

Gabriel didn't know how to take back every ugly thing he had just said. Raphael blinked and focused on him. He pushed Lucifer away only to growl as Lucifer held him back.

"I hate you Gabriel, I wish you had never been created."

Gabriel felt him reeling. His eyes started to well with tears, but Raphael had already looked away and was wrenching himself out of Lucifer's grip before he flew away.

Gabriel wasn't aware how it happened but he suddenly was being held by Michael.

He tried to push Michael away, but his strength along with his anger had been leeched from him.

He was dimly aware of Lucifer speaking to Azazel. Of Azazel answering, though his whose usual confident and vibrant voice was flat and monotone.

Gabriel felt his heart break further. Azazel and he had been best friends, they used to play pranks and explore the universe together. He'd be lucky if Azazel so much as looked at him again.

He was aware of the sound of wings departing...

He felt Michael's arms tighten around him as Lucifer said something to him. Gabriel relaxed as he felt the quiet rumble of Michael's answer.

This time as he felt the rush of unconsciousness he welcomed it, because maybe asleep he could get a reprieve from all the terrible things that were playing in his mind on loop.


	7. No More: Leeway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follows the events of the last chapter.

Raphael felt his awareness come back to him in stages. First it was the sound of his heartbeat, of the steady thrum of Heaven.

Next it was the sound of wind through the trees, then the music of insects around him and finally the sound of his own breathing.

Ragged and slightly erratic. He gritted his teeth against the panic attack, he knew there was no place logically he could run where Gabriel's words wouldn't echo in his head.

He needed a distraction. He needed to forget.

He flew finding their house in Europe empty. He let out a puff air his and flew till he found Lucifer standing in a forest.

"Where is he?"

Lucifer turned to him from looking at a clearing through the trees. Lucifer stared at him cooly.

"He's getting Crowley for me, why?"

Raphael's wings twitched in impatience.

"I need him. Call him back."

Lucifer turned fully to him. His side leaning against the bark of the tree.

"He's doing something for me. You need to wait."

Raphael took a step forward, he was in no mood to let another of one his brothers walk all over him.

"He's my mate, call him back."

Something shifted in Lucifer and he blinked looking at Raphael with a edge.

"You really want to do this now? After everything else that's happened today?"

Raphael held his ground.

"He's my mate."

Lucifer sighed and shook his head.

"He's an angel, one angel. Why do you have this useless attachment to him?"

Raphael rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"It's not attachment, it's love. I love him Lucifer. He's mine."

Lucifer's mouth curved in what naive people would call a smile.

"Yours? You keep saying that Raphael, but I don't think you know what that word means."

Lucifer paused and spoke again.

"It means something that is associated with or belonging to a person."

"What's your point?"

Raphael snapped, he didn't need a linguistic lesson.

"My point is that according to that, Azazel belongs to me. He's mine."

Raphael's hands tighten, it took all his self-control to not punch him. That sentence sounded so wrong coming from Lucifer's mouth.

Raphael opened his mouth but Lucifer shook his head with that same infuriating smile.

"Raphael we both know if something were to happen who he'd go with. He'll always chose me, so just be happy I let you borrow him now and again."

"Shut up."

Raphael wasn't aware his sword has slid into his hand until Lucifer's eyes flicked to it and back up to his face.

"We both know you won't use that. You're a healer brother, not a solider. You would never hurt someone unless you have to."

Lucifer gave a dry laugh as he turned away from. As if Raphael wasn't even a threat for him. Raphael saw red begin to encroach on the edges of his vision.

"Maybe that's why Azazel continues to chose me, I know how to sacrifice everything to get what I want, you - well your lucky your reign of Heaven was short lived. Though Castiel as leader wasn't much better, so maybe it's all —"

Raphael tuned him out and moved. All he heard was the thrum off his heartbeat and then all he felt was a wall of resistance and then nothing.

Raphael blinked coming to to see blood coating his sword. He looked from the sword in his hand to see Lucifer on the ground. His eyes wide as he curled in on himself.

The sound of wings and then,

"Raphael what have you done?!"

Michael was yelling at him but Raphael couldn't honestly bring himself to care. He was aware of Gabriel coming to stand near him. He turned to him.

Gabriel gave a nervous laugh, flicking his eyes between all of them. He finally spoke.

"You stabbed him."

Raphael blinked at him and then shrugged.

"Consider it payback for what he did to you if you want."

Raphael looked back at Lucifer and Michael. He met Lucifer's eyes.

"Still think I don't have what it takes?"

Lucifer growled at him, or he tried to - his eyes were glassy. He was loosing a lot of blood.

"Raphael whatever you two were arguing about forget it and come heal him."

Raphael dragged his eyes to Michael and slowly shook his head.

"No. He's far past even my talents of healing. He's a lost cause Michael, I'd just give up on him."

"He's your brother, how dare you!"

Raphael's eyes narrowed the anger flared again.

"So was Zachariah who as I recall you terminated for not doing something as innocuous as getting Dean to say yes."

Michael blinked momentarily thrown.

"What does Zachariah have to do with this?"

Raphael stowed his sword and crossed his arms.

"Family doesn't start and end with Lucifer. There's many more of our siblings we've hurt. And I'm tired of watching our actions hurt them. I'm tired of seeing no one fight for them."

"He's one fucking angel."

Lucifer finally wheezed out. Raphael flicked his eyes to him.

"Yes he is. But he is my fucking angel."

Lucifer's eyes burned with fury.

"We'll see about that."

Raphael nodded.

"Yes, we will."

He said before he flew off. He appeared in front of the Winchesters, and came to sit next to Castiel.

Sam, Dean and Mary eyed him warily. It was Castiel who broke the awkward silence.

"Is it true? Did you really stab Lucifer and leave him for dead?"

Raphael forced himself to look at Castiel and not think about the way Lucifer had looked so broken at him. He had Michael, Castiel had no one.

"Yes."

Castiel nodded and looked away before looking back.

"Why?"

"I'm tired of the younger angels always getting hurt because my brothers and I can't get along. Someone needs to have your best interests at heart, it should be Michael."

Raphael's mouth twisted.

"But since he's completely blind to anything that's not Lucifer, and Gabriel is barely over his temper tantrum it falls to me."

Dean opens his mouth to say something that will probably end with Raphael end up smiting him but Castiel beats him to it.

"I - thank you. It must be hard to walk away from your brothers. But thank you all the same."

Raphael forces himself to look at Castiel for the first time since he's gotten back. Castiel's wings have lost their sheen and there are many missing feathers.

Raphael doesn't show much the sight of that affects him. He just blinks and says as gently as he can,

"Our brothers Castiel. Our brothers."

Castiel looks at the ground.

"You still count me family after everything I've done to you, to Heaven?"

Raphael places his hand on Castiel's where it rests on his knee.

"Yes."

Because that's all he can really say. Castiel was doing what he thought was right. And yes there was a point where Raphael hated him. But the line between hate and love was blurry at best, Raphael should know — he some degree of hate towards everyone in his family, Michael and Azazel included.

But he wanted to move past the hate, he wanted to stop being seen as cold and heartless. He wasn't, he was the exact opposite.

He felt so much that sometimes it would leave him numb. Why had no one noticed that yet? Why did no one see how much he cared?

Castiel's hand tightening over his own brought his thoughts back to the present.

"Then I will proudly stand with you big brother and help you give a voice to those of us who can't be heard over our more outspoken siblings."

Raphael nodded, finally feeling sure footed after so long teetering on the edge.


	8. No More: Leniency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after Chuck heals Lucifer.

Lucifer landed after walking away from his father and Michael. He couldn't listen to Michael's pathetic pleas, not after what Raphael done to him.

He had never thought Raphael would stab him over a angel, a cherub of all of them. How pathetic was he? 

Lucifer slid his hand over a tree bark and he walked, anchoring himself. 

Well if Raphael cared this much about one angel then Lucifer would take him away. 

Raphael would learn what happens to those who cross him.

Lucifer flicked his eyes up the path as he saw a figure walked toward him. He hid his smile, this was going to be easy. As if Azazel was ever going to say no to him.

"Luci what's up? Has there been a change of —"

Azazel stopped talking as Lucifer held up his hand.

"Raphael stabbed me."

Lucifer smiled as Azazel's eyes widened and he swept gaze over him.

"What? Where? Why??"

Lucifer waited a beat before continuing.

"God healed me. He seems to be under the impression that your belong to him. So here's your choice. Me of him?"

Lucifer crossed his arms and waited. Azazel's breathing became shallow and he stumbled back, he shook his head.

"I - what? Lucifer I —"

The side of Lucifer's mouth twitched, he kept his features still as he saw Azazel zero in on the movement and then look up at him. His eyes were wide.

Lucifer decided to through him a bone.

"I know it's sudden but Raphael stabbed me and I won't tolerate doing nothing. So choose. Me or him?"

Azazel let out a breath and gave him a shaky smile.

"You, of course."

Lucifer nodded and gave a small smile.

"That's what I told him."

Azazel let out a laugh and shook his head. His confidence coming back.

"You threw me there for a moment."

He paused and his features showed his resignation.

"Is Raphael okay?"

Lucifer's eyes narrowed and frost coated the ground.

"Don't lie to me Azazel, it'll only be worse for you."

Azazel looked away. His wings twitched betraying his agitation.

"He's my mate Lucifer. I - I can't just, it's not a decision I can just make in a split second."

Lucifer pushed off the tree and walked toward him, Azazel stumbled backward his back hitting a tree.

"Ask yourself how much do you think this conversation is worth to me, how much do you think your worth to me?"

Azazel stared at him, his eyes wide.

"I - Lucifer I'm not saying I choose him, I just need a minute."

Snow began to fall around them.

"Why?"

Lucifer asked quietly. He didn't think Azazel was this stupid to waste his time.

"I - "

Azazel straightened and looked at him his eyes alight with defiance.

"I've done everything, I know I am not worth much to you. I know I am replaceable. But for all my loyalty, for Sam and Lilith give me this."

Lucifer blinked and took a step back.

"You think I care about any of that? When you got yourself killed by a gun?"

Azazel shook his head.

"You say you don't lie, you said you'd reward me for my work. A work I told you I would have done regardless."

The temperature began to drop, Lucifer watched with satisfaction as Azazel began to shiver.

"Speak plainly Azazel. What are you asking for, and why should I give it you?"

"I want time Lucifer. One day, 24 hours that's it. As it why, I've done everything for you, I am loyal. You know I am good. You know how easily I can recruit for you, why else do you think I'm waisting my time with Heaven? I am good at my job, all I ask is this small thing."

Lucifer sighed and finally nodded. Azazel wad good at his job. Lucifer knew how easy it would be for him to get more support in Heaven should Lucifer ask for it.

Lucifer crossed his arms and looked at Azazel as someone who would look at a annoying but needed pest.

"Fine. 12 hours. Go."

Azazel nodded.

"Thank you."

He breathed before flying away. Lucifer sneered to himself. He was getting soft.


	9. No More: Planning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after Lucifer's ultimatum.

Azazel didn't stop flying. His mind spun, his chest felt tight.

He slammed through the doors of the hotel sinking to his knees on the plush carpet.

"Bloody hell what happened to — Azazel?"

Azazel looked up at Crowley his vision swimming. He blinked a couple of times, scrunching his eyes shut to gather himself.

"Would you do it all again?"

"What the bloody hell are you on about? Get off the floor, and don't you know —"

"Sari, I need to know. If you could get a second chance would you do it all again? Would you leave him?"

Crowley froze and stared at Azazel for a long moment. He sighed and snapped his hand locking the door before he finally sat next to him on the carpet.

"Why?"

Azazel shook his head.

"Sarchiel yes or no. That's all I need yes or no? Would you leave him again?"

Crowley finally shook his head.

"No. No I don't think I could survive it a second time. Now will you tell me what the hell has gotten you so worked up?"

Azazel felt himself whimper. He was far past the point of caring.

"He's making me chose. Raphael stabbed him when they argued presumedly over who I belong to. Sarchiel what do I do? If I chose Raphael Lucifer will kill me. But I can't — I need him."

Crowley placed his hands on Azazel's wrists. What grace he had left he used to burn him.

Azazel tried to twist away, screaming from the searing, red-hot pain. Crowley's seemed to fill with pity but he didn't let go.

"We promised each other Azazel, you promised me. Together no matter what. We survive, we survive for all we lost. Don't you dare forget it. You saved me when Azira died, so I saved you from your prison. That's how this works. Don't try to take more than you are given. Survive."

Crowley pushed away from and went to get a bottle of wine. Azazel watched as he retreated. He knew it was a simple choice. Choose Lucifer and live another day, choose Raphael and...

Azazel shakily got to his feet, wincing at the pain in his wrists. He needed to get out of here. Something was stopping him from committing, from making the choice.

He flew away, ignoring Crowley's shout. He felt himself land on his feet and begin to run.

And run. He closed his eyes the memories came anyway.

Samael's smile when he'd told Azazel he wanted him to be his second in command in Heaven.

Raphael's joy when he'd heard the news.

Azazel felt his legs give out on him again. He closed his eyes and called out to the one angel who might understand.

"What do you want?"

Azazel looked up at Castiel.

"How did you do it? How did you choose the Winchesters every time knowing they could die, knowing you'd be alone and on the run for the rest of your existence if you chose wrong?"

Castiel blinked at him.

"Because I believed they would live, because they are my family."

Azazel shook his head.

"That's not enough Castiel, that's not enough — I will die if I chose Raphael. He'll kill me. Why would I risk death for him when all I've done is survive?"

Castiel blinked at him again.

"You wouldn't have called me if it was that simple. So what's the real issue?"

Azazel closed his eyes, he couldn't hold the tears back.

"He took me back once, if I betray him now. If I chose Lucifer i know I can never go back. We can never go back. He won't forgive me twice. I can't lose him Castiel, I can't. I just can't. It hurt too much the first time. To do it again, what angel-ness I have will be gone. Not even God would be able to save me then."

Azazel jumped when Castiel came to sit next to him.

"So why choose Lucifer? Why not choose Raphael, you obviously still love him."

Azazel stared at him.

"It would be suicide to do it. All my life I've picked the choice that would give me the most — most influence, most power. This goes against everything."

"So did you ever love him then? Or was Raphael just a way to get ahead? You left him without a second thought."

Azazel's eyes narrowed and he bit back the urge to kill him.

"Yes I loved him! No it wasn't planned! He came out of nowhere, I always felt an affiliation to him, ever since I was young. Do you really think I wanted to split my loyalty between archangels? How does that help me?"

Azazel closed his eyes trying to take a deep breath.

"How do you do it? How do you go through everyday not thinking ten steps ahead, how do you live in the moment."

"I trust them. I trust that they'll always have my back."

Azazel nodded slowly. He could do that. He could learn to live like that.

"Okay. Okay I can do that."

Castiel stared at him in surprise.

"You're going to — you're actually going to choose Raphael??"

Azazel looked at him and stood, he leaned down offering his hand.

"Come on. We need to hurry, I only have a few hours left."

Once Castiel had taken his hand he flew to The Bar.

Metatron looked up startled as Azazel slammed the doors open. The two Gods didn't stir.

Azazel made a beeline for the booth.

He stared at Chuck.

"I need a favor."

Chuck looked up and blinked. He sighed and took his glasses off cleaning them.

"You're asking for a lot of favors, I'm staring to think this is a scam"

"Look you can charge me interest later. Can you give me a favor or not?"

Chuck sighed and nodded, and leaned toward him.

"What's up Azazel?"

"Make it impossible to smite me for... "

Azazel thought for a minute he flicked when he felt Castiel's hand on his shoulder. Right, he was suppose to live in the moment.

"Live it impossible to smite me for 48 hours."

Still, old habits die hard.

Chuck blinked at him,

"Would this sudden request have anything to do with Lucifer and Raphael?"

Azazel's wings shifted in impatience as he heard Metatron come to stand nearby and lesson.

"Yes, now could you please help?"

Azazel felt him freeze as Chuck's eyes narrowed at him. He gulped and looked down at the ground. He felt a flood of relief as Chuck snapped his fingers.

"Good luck."

Azazel flew off, he landed in the clearing and called to Raphael and Lucifer.

He took a breath and turned around when he felt their presences.

Raphael's face was carefully neutral. Lucifer shot him a glance before looking at Azazel with a quiet confidence.

"You're early. I knew this would be an easy decision."

Azazel steeled himself and met his eyes.

"No."

He said quietly at the gasp to his left Azazel looked at knew instantly he'd made the right decision. Raphael looked floored.

Lucifer growled.

"And here I thought you weren't an idiot. It appears I gave you too much credit."

He trapped Raphael in holy fire before shinning a bright light on Azazel. Azazel flinched away, wincing as Raphael cried out for Lucifer to stop.

The light died and both archangels looked at him silence.

"Why can't I smite you?"

Azazel looked back and took a step toward Lucifer.

"Lucifer I love you. I do. I will always be honored to know out of all the Angels you personally picked me to be your second-in-command. You're my family, my brother. But I can't leave him. Not again."

Azazel felt internally shocked at how emotional this was for him. But then he guessed he shouldn't be so surprised.

He'd been by Lucifer's side for so long he'd forgotten how to do anything else.

Lucifer took a step back. His eyes looked shiny in the full moon light. Azazel blinked was Lucifer crying? He dismissed the thought as soon as it came.

No of course he wasn't. Azazel was replaceable.

"He'll never choose you Azazel. You're making a big mistake, he'll always choose Michael."

Azazel spoke cutting whatever Raphael was going to say.

"I know. And I've made my peace with that. I love him Lucifer, I can't walk away again. I'm sorry."

Lucifer stared at before flying away.

Azazel blinked feeling arms around and his back suddenly being pressed into a soft mattress.

They were back in their home, Raphael looked down at him. Azazel felt his heart skip a beat, he didn't think he'd ever seen Raphael this happy.

Raphael leaned down to kiss him. His hands wandered low, making quick work of Azazel's pants.

Azazel arched into the touch before common sense won out and he pushed Raphael away.

"Wait, two weeks. We need to tal—"

Azazel gasped as Raphael nipped at his collarbone.

"Later, we can talk later."

"Raphael."

He pleaded pushing him away again. Raphael looked at him with annoyance before his features smoothed back to relax.

"We can later Azazel I promise. Besides weren't you suppose to not think too much?"

Azazel's brow furrowed, how did Raphael....

"Castiel told me that part through angel radio when I asked what you and him were talking about. Now can we stop talking, _please_?"

Azazel nodded sighing as Raphael kissed him again. He closed his eyes and gave into the waves of pleasure.

He'd deal with all the consequences tomorrow. He'll deal with everything tomorrow, right now he just wanted to enjoy the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So anyone have a problem if I cross this over with Good Omens?


	10. No More: Infighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Malachi and Bartholomew finally have their meeting with Michael.

Bartholomew and Malachi sat in Michael's office silently waiting for him to appear.

After the archangels had come and stopped Metatron from being skewered Michael had sent them home.

That happened a couple weeks ago, Bartholomew hadn't known what had taken Michael this long to call them to his office till this morning....

_Raphael has stabbed Lucifer.  
Azazel has been forgiven._

Bartholomew tried to keep his disgust off his face thinking of all that now. How quickly the archangels fell apart, they were suppose to lead Heaven but they could barely keep from killing each other.

Heaven was better without the archangels.

He cast a glance to Malachi to see if he heard any of this thoughts, he hadn't he was staring at something on Michael's desk. Bartholomew sneered — simpleton.

Malachi looking away from the decorative knickknacks to the office around him.

His hands clenched as he thought of how easy Metatron got off. He deserved to pay. He deserved to scream like they had. He deserved to bleed for all the ones that the Fall had killed.

For Sofia.  
For Azrael.  
For Ezekiel.

For all the others who died a needless, heartless, death.

Malachi and Bartholomew stood as the door opened, Michael gave a nod and they both sat.

Malachi watched as Michael walked toward them only to stop at a small table and looked over some files waiting for him. Malachi's eyes narrowed as Michael turned away to read one of the reports.

There was small clumps of black fuzz on Michael's shirt. Was that fur?

"Malachi what is your favorite creature Father has created?"

The question is surprising, Malachi blinked but Michael doesn't turn around, his posture doesn't change as if there is no outward indication he'd asked anything.

"Dogs. Wolves specifically."

Malachi paused, swallowing he remembered who he's talking to and added a "Sir" at the end.

Wolves were ruthless, pack animals. They not only cared but their own but had enough sense to weed out the weak.

Michael turned and nodded at him. His gold eyes lifting from him to Bartholomew.

"And you Bartholomew?"

Bartholomew became completely still but Michael simply watched him, his face giving nothing away.

"Chameleon, sir."

Bartholomew finally said.

Michael nodded.

"Why?"

"Chameleons are able to change their appearance, they can catch their prey unawares, it's an admirable trait, sir."

Michael looked at Malachi next.

"Wolves are ferocious. They are ruthless, they work well together, but they know how to let go anyone who is slowing them. They do not tolerate weakness. It is a reminder that no one is better than the unit, sir."

Michael blinked at them and walked toward his desk, his hand trailed over the wood briefly as he moved around the furniture to sit down.

"It is interesting that you both choose animals who reflect different approaches to defense and war."

Michael finally said his hands steepled as he looked at them.

"Would you both like to know what animal is my favorite?"

"Yes sir."

Michael's lips quirk, his wings shifted on his back the gold edges of his feathers gleam in the light as he bended behind the desk.

He finally emerged with a small creature in his hands. He placed it softly before him and smiled, scratching it on the head.

"Cats. Well, lions specifically. Cats do not give out their affection or loyalty carelessly. It is earned. They also are excellent hunters, and do not give up a chase until their prey is caught."

Michael leaned toward them the kitten batted at his hands. Michael ignored it and gave them both that small smile again.

"But do you both want to know the real reason I love them?"

Malachi and Bartholomew despite the unprofessionalism of it lean toward Michael.

Bartholomew glanced at the kitten who seeing him looking began to purr.

Bartholomew looked back at Michael and he and Malachi both nod and say,

"Yes."

Michael gave them an almost full smile at that.

"Because they're so soft. Have either of you ever held a kitten in your arms?"

They both shake their heads.

Michael stood and held the kitten and gently placed it in Bartholomew's lap. After a few minutes the kitten snuggled into his lap purring, it's little claws massaging his leg.

Bartholomew found himself smiling in part at the bizzarness of this situation and in part of the small, warm, creature in his lap.

He glared as Malachi reached for the kitten.

"No. Thugs don't get to touch."

Malachi froze and glared at him. They both look up as Michael moved and took the kitten away. He gave them both a hard look.

"Another thing about cats or animals in general I like? They do not discriminate based on ones duties. Family is family, anyone deemed worthy of that moniker is loved and given their loyalty."

Malachi and Bartholomew duck their heads and murmured a quiet.

"Sorry sir."

Michael stiffened and the mood of the room changed. Malachi and Bartholomew tense, remembering the stories of Michael's wrath, of the way he could cut into anyone with just words without so much as raising his voice.

But he doesn't threaten them. All he does is ask quietly.

"Is that all you both see me as, as Heaven's general?"

Bartholomew snapped his head up, his eyes wide.

It is Malachi that broke the silence.

"We can ask you the same question, do you see us as nothing more than soldiers?"

Bartholomew looked at Malachi in shock.

"Are you mad? How dare you speak to him like that!"

Malachi snorted. Bartholomew was telling him how he was to speak? It was utterly hypocritical.

"Oh please, you sided with Castiel against Raphael like I did."

"I did what I had to! So did you!"

Malachi's eyes flash.

"And yet you turn your back on those you fought with. You should have followed Castiel, instead you tried to kill him."

"You tortured him!"

"Only because he chose to not support me!"

Malachi took a breath and spoke again.

"You killed so many, so much blood on your hands, no wonder Castiel wouldn't join you."

Bartholomew's eyes flashed. Thug. Simpleton. How dare he?

"At least I'm better than you thug. I know how to play to my advantage, to think ten steps ahead. I at least don't butcher other angels."

Malachi's fists clenched.

"Thug? At least I am genuine. At least I try not to manipulate other angels, at least I don't make humans think my words are gospel."

Bartholomew stood.

"I did what I had to! I was getting vessels. How dare you? You ingrate."

Malachi stood as well, the tension between them building.

"I never led them believe a lie. My methods might be cruel, but I never lulled them into a false sense of security! Like you, like Raphael did. Like the arch—"

Bartholomew slammed him into the side table Michael's reports scattering, the mirror splintering into pieces as Malachi's back hit it.

A blade appeared in Bartholomew's hand its point digging into Malachi's neck. Bartholomew looked at him with wild anger.

"Don't you dare compare me to the archangels. I agreed with Castiel's call as you did. Heaven would be better without them. How dare you, you insolent scum, you —"

They both turned and froze as they heard the doorknob turn. Michael looked back at them tears shinning in his eyes some even beginning to fall down his face.

He turned away and walked out the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Malachi and Bartholomew stared after him for a long moment. Slowly Bartholomew took a step back.

"D - did — was Michael crying?"

Bartholomew nodded slowly looking back at Malachi, he swallowed and said what neither wanted to believe.

"I - I think we made him cry."

Malachi closed his eyes, going completely still.

"What do we do?"

Bartholomew looks around the room, his eyes falling to the files scattered haphazardly around the room.

"We should put this place in order and then go find him and beg to not get smited."

He lifted his eyes to meet Malachi's.

"Pray to Father he hasn't gone to his personal Heaven, we'll never find him then."

Malachi nodded and set to work fixing the mirror while Bartholomew gathered the files. He wavered as he tried to organize them.

"We don't need to give him another reason to hate us."

Bartholomew looked up to see Malachi watching him, his voice wasn't angry simply resigned.

Bartholomew nodded and replaced the files on the desk. As they both stepped back to admire their handy work Malachi looked back at the desk and quickly rushed over saving the kitten before it tried to jump.

"Now we have the perfect excuse."

Malachi said showing the kitten. Bartholomew nodded and gestured him to follow him.

They walked through Heaven in silence, Bartholomew gasped as Malachi suddenly pulled him behind one of the spires.

Bartholomew whirled and wrenched away.

"What are you doing? We need to find him before one of the archangels smites us!"

Bartholomew hissed.

Malachi rolled his eyes.

"I know, but we're too visible. Come on, I know some more deserted ways to get to the Garden."

Bartholomew stiffened. Of course Michael would be in The Archangel Garden in the First Heaven — the one place they weren't allowed.

"We aren't allowed."

Malachi snorted pausing to look down and coo at the kitten who licked his finger.

Malachi looked up at him.

"So? We can just say we're taking Isaac back to him."

Bartholomew blinked and fixed him with a look.

"We are not naming Michael's cat Isaac."

Malachi looked offended.

"Why not? I don't see you coming up with any other options."

Bartholomew rolled his eyes.

"How about... Mazel?"

Malachi blinked and titled his head.

"Creator of Stars?"

Bartholomew nodded, he gave a sheepish smile.

"He likes stars."

Malachi shrugged and turned and began to walk away from the building. Bartholomew trailed after him.

They slowed as they came near the First Heaven gates.

Bartholomew crossed his arms and looked at him.

"So what's the plan th—"

He swallowed and grimaced.

"Malachi."

Malachi looked at him his eyes wary before he pointed to a tiny almost overgrown path.

"There, that's the way inside without raising the alarm."

"How do you even know how to find this?"

Malachi looked back at him, holding a vine up so Bartholomew could duck through. Bartholomew took the kitten as Malachi untangled himself from the vines.

"Us thugs find a way."

But Malachi relaxed and even gave a small smile as Bartholomew gave Mazel back to him.

"Azazel showed Azrael who showed me."

Bartholomew nodded grimacing at the name.

"Can you believe he's allowed home?"

Malachi shook his head then shrugged.

"Honestly?"

At Bartholomew's nod Malachi continued his voice low, he never know you'd be listening.

"Honestly, now that Lucifer is back anything is possible."

Bartholomew nodded.

"Did you hear the apocalypse was canceled?"

"Really? It won't do any good, Heaven won't ever be the same."

Bartholomew nodded agreeing with Malachi's bitter tone.

"I barley remember how it used to be. Naomi used to say it was how Paradise would feel like."

Malachi gave a dry laugh.

"But Father is back now, so wouldn't this be Paradise?"

Bartholomew paused and slowly nodded.

"It doesn't feel like it though."

They paused outside an overgrown archway. They looked at each other, Bartholomew pulled out his angel blade and hacked at the vines till they could all squeeze through.

Michael was already looking at them. Malachi gingerly sat Mazel in front of him before stepping back to stand next to Bartholomew. Michael didn't spare the cat a glance instead he kept his eyes on them.

"You were at each other's throats a couple of hours ago. Care to explain to me how that anger translated to this?"

He asked gesturing between them . He didn't seem angry simply curious. Bartholomew felt himself relax a little, there might be a way to salvage this.

"We - we wanted to apologize. We didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

Malachi tried not to laugh at the sheer absurdity of this conversation.

Michael blinked and nodded.

"Thank you. You say 'we' a lot why? As I recall you both sought to harm each other, why the sudden camaraderie?"

Bartholomew and Malachi shared a look.

"It - we both acted unprofessionally, we destroyed your office, we wanted to make it right."

Malachi said.

They took a step back as Michael rose. He snapped the cat away.

"Bye Mazel."

Bartholomew whispered under his breath. Malachi bit the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing.

Michael crossed his arms and regarded them for a moment.

"So tell me, do you have answer to my question?"

"You're Michael. You're always be Michael to us."

Bartholomew said, Michael stared at him for a moment before looking at Malachi.

"Malachi, care to give me a non-diplomatic answer?"

"My first memory is of Gabriel cooing at me and saying 'you and Mike almost have the same name! You can be his Mini-me! I'm going to call you Mini-Mike.' So Michael I've always felt a sort of connection to you, but I didn't know you, none of us really knew you. All we knew was that you were an archangel, the oldest angel, and —"

He looked at Bartholomew his lips giving a smirk. Before turned back his features smoothing over.

"And that you like stars. So to answer your question I've always seen you as just this unattainable level I must strive to be."

Bartholomew found himself nodding as Malachi spoke. It was true, Michael was a beacon, the epitome of what they were suppose to be.

Michael blinked at them before gracefully sitting down.

"Come sit with me?"

Malachi and Bartholomew slowly sat down confusion evident, suddenly Bartholomew burst out.

"Y-you're not going to smite us?"

Michael shook his head.

"No, of course not. Malachi you asked how I see you all, I saw you all as my siblings, my little brothers and sisters."

Malachi looked up at him, he looked exhausted. Michael rested his chin on top of his knees, his arms wrapped around them. He looked beaten and something else. It took a moment for the word to come to him, when it did Malachi tried to repress the shock. Michael looked....vulnerable.

Michael continued on unaware of the shock going through Malachi's system.

"But then I had to do more, I had to not only lead, I had to stop Lucifer. So I did, but even then, even when I had to smite and hurt you all it pained me. I raised you all, I watched you all grow up, learn how to fly. You all have always been more than just soldiers to me, you all are my family. A family I failed."

He finished looking away.

Malachi stiffened in shock. Bartholomew moved forward his hand outstretched just shying of touching Michael.

But Bartholomew didn't know what to say, a visceral part of him wanted to deny it but a more louder part wanted Michael to suffer to break under all the guilt.

"Why are you telling us this?"

Malachi asked finally speaking.

" _ **Because I want to change**_!"

Michael stressed, his eyes alight with inner anguish.

"I want to be more than just the Viceroy of Heaven, I want to be someone you all can relate to, can talk to."

Bartholomew nodded he gave Malachi a sideways glance.

"Okay we can help with that. Maybe if we got to know you we can slowly change the perception of how The Host sees you?"

Michael gave a small laugh but nodded.

"Sure, it's not I have any other option. But Azazel knows me, why hasn't the perception changed?"

Malachi and Bartholomew stiffened it was Bartholomew who answered again.

"Azazel - he didn't really talk about you all."

Michael tilted his head.

"What do you mean brother?"

Bartholomew felt a small thrill at the moniker.

"He was notoriously private about his relationship with any of you. We knew you were close with him, we knew he and Raphael were mates but that's all we knew. We didn't know much of anything else."

Malachi finally says.

Michael nodded giving a disbelief shake of his head.

"Silly, little, Butterfly."

Malachi and Bartholomew both titled their heads.

"Butterfly?"

Bartholomew asked.

Michael gave small smile.

"It's a nickname I gave Azazel when he was a fledging. And I know why he didn't say anything, he wanted to protect us, our interests, our hearts. He didn't want us to be taken advantage of."

Michael gave a warm smile.

"You both look confused."

Thy ducked their heads.

"We're sorry Michael, we don't really know Azazel. All we know is he gave us a way to kill Metatron."

Said Bartholomew.

"And that he manipulates everyone he meets."

Malachi added much to anger of Bartholomew. But Michael only gave a soft laugh.

"He's not that bad, he's just scared of letting anyone in. But this isn't about him, do you both truly think there's time for Heaven to see me differently?"

Bartholomew gave a wary smile.

"Not differently but more. They need to see there's more of you, more than just our leader. And yes Michael I think the very fact you want to change speaks to how much you already have."

Michael relaxed, the tension falling from his body. He leaned and clasped Bartholomew's hand where it still lay a few feet from him in the grass.

"Thank you little brother."

Michael turned to Malachi.

"Malachi, you've been awfully quiet. Is something wrong?"

"You're not going to reprimand us?"

Michael gave an amused smile.

"Do I need to? You both seem to be getting along that's all I wanted. Metatron will get his dues don't worry. Or are you referring to how you both acted after the Fall?"

They both bowed their heads.

Michael clicked his tongue and nodded.

"Well all I have to say about that is make sure there is no repeat of it. You are family these faction wars serve only to further us. Am I understood?"

They both snapped their heads up.

"Yes Sir."

Michael's lips twitched.

"Michael is fine little brothers."

They nodded both warming at the comment.

Michael snapped his hand and Bartholomew's eyes lit up as he saw the kitten.

"Mazel!"

Malachi cooed at Mazel smiling in triumph as it came toward him.

"Mazel? I like the name. How did you come up with it?"

"Bartholomew —"

"We both did."

Bartholomew said cutting Malachi off.

Michael nodded.

"So how did you find a way in?"

Malachi and Bartholomew waved as they exited the garden. They stopped a little ways away.

"Look I know we never really got along but what Michael said makes sense so...."

Malachi trailed off, he hated this conversation it was too awkward. He'd much rather be sparing words were never his specialty.

"I agree. If Heaven is it survive and thrive we need to be better. So truce Malachi?"

He extended his hand. Malachi shook it sending a small smile.

"Truce."

Maybe the archangels weren't so terrible after all they thought. Maybe they were victims as much as everyone else.


	11. No More: Right

Zachariah sat at the bar drinking his scotch. He scoffed as he heard the latest declarations from Angel Radio.

"So this is where you've been."

Zachariah turned.

"Naomi, come to take me home?"

She shook her head and instead sipped a drink of her own.

"Why are we in this place?"

She eyed the dusty bar with distaste. Zachariah sighed and drained his drink before turning back to her.

"Where do you suggest we go then?"

She set her drink down and grasped his arm flying them to one of the pavilions in Heaven.

Zachariah looked around and groaned.

"I went to Earth to escape Heaven Naomi."

She didn't seem to be listening, she was looking down at Earth slowly turning below.

"Do you think we're going to be terminated?"

She asked quietly.

Zachariah snorted.

"If Azazel can be forgiven so can we."

Naomi cast him a hard look.

"Aren't you worried at all? We've done terrible things —"

"In the name of Heaven. It was all in the name of Heaven! And guess what Naomi, I would do it all again."

They glared at each other.

"What happened to the Zack I grew up?"

"What happened to the Nia I grew up with?"

He countered, before continuing his voice getting mocking.

"I wonder, did you lose your backbone and your dignity the moment you climbed into Raphael's bed?"

He laughed as her face contorted in rage.

"If I lost my dignity then, you lost yours the minute you allowed Uriel to die by Anna's hand."

"He disobeyed! He fell! How dare you? They are not the same, what Uri meant to me will never be what you mean to Raphael. Especially now that Azazel is back. He'll crush you."

"And you'll let him won't you? You'll allow another of your sisters to be manipulated by him won't you?"

Zachariah looked away his shoulders slumping the fight leaving him.

"Abaddon wasn't my fault. I've told you that enough times."

"You knew they were meeting, you knew what Azazel was promising. You let her be swayed. You let him take away my best friend."

Zachariah shook his head and stood.

"You're a coward."

She said.

"And you're a bureaucrat."

He snapped at her. But he stopped and held her gaze.

"They won't kill us. They can't, it - it's not right."

He finally offered her softly.

"When have they ever done what was right? This whole thing started because one brother was ordered to kill another. Heaven has never been right."

Naomi said bitterly. Zachariah sighed and sat next to her.

"I hear they're coming back."

He offered softly after a while of silence. She gave him a sidelong glance and nodded.

"She won't be the same, I mean even we aren't the same."

Zachariah nodded.

"I know, I haven't even been to see Uri or Anna."

Naomi nodded.

"Do you think they hate us? Samandriel, Anna, Castiel, and the rest of them? Do you think they'll ever forgive us?"

"By us you mean you right? Because I did nothing to them."

"You let Uriel die, you let Anna fall, you allowed Castiel to go on that mission."

"What does Anna have to do with this? She's inconsequential."

Naomi stared at him wide eyed.

"You don't know do you?"

Once she saw Zachariah shake his head she continued.

"Think of how much power Azazel has now, he's untouchable not only because anything you do to him he'll give back tenfold, but because Raphael will break you if you even dare to try."

"Your point Nia?"

"How much power do you think Anna will wield once Gabriel finds out what happened to her?"

Zachariah stiffened.

"Anna and him? Really?"

Naomi hit his shoulder as his disbelief.

"Quiet, do you want everyone to hear you?"

Zachariah shook his head.

"Either way it doesn't matter, the archangels aren't getting along. As you said Heaven isn't right, it will never be right. I don't think it ever was."

"Right and good are two very different things Zachariah, Naomi."

They both stood and whirled, dipping their heads.

"Lucifer."

Their wings trembled.

He shook his head a smirk playing on his lips as he stared at them.

"I'm not going to kill you."

He said leaning against one of the trees nearby.

"But coming back to your point. Right is subjective —"

"And good isn't?"

Zachariah shot Naomi an approving glance. Lucifer blinked and reminded himself that he wouldn't let Raphael or Father be proven right — he could 'care' or at least learn to pretend to.

"Fine I'll ask you Naomi what's the difference?"

Naomi shook her head.

"That wasn't the point, the point was that we never got along, the point is we never were a family."

Lucifer blinked at her and looked between them.

He rolled his eyes before snapping his fingers taking them both to his Private Heaven.

He sighed when they stared around them wide eyed.

"Yes I know it's beautiful, but that's not why either of you are here, come on."

Lucifer walked to his manor without a backward glance.

Zachariah and Naomi shared a wary glance before grudgingly following.

Lucifer was waiting for them in his study. He turned away when he saw them enter and moved behind his desk to the chest along the wall.

He opened one of the drawers and after a moment closed and turned around.

He placed two things on the desk:

1\. A flickering illusion of a supernova explosion.

2\. A detailed hand drawn map of Heaven.

Before catching each of their eyes.

"I've kept these the whole time. Does that disprove you're theory?"

Zachariah looked away from his illusion in disgust.

"It proves nothing, you haven't been here in eons. What's to say you hadn't forgotten about it?"

Lucifer shrugged.

"My word."

"That isn't enough. You lie, your word means nothing."

Naomi spat.

Lucifer's fingers twitched on the table top but he didn't kill her.

He only exhaled slowly and said,

"Right means just, it means doing what is correct at all times even when you don't want to. And to your point Naomi you're right, Heaven hasn't been right for quite some time."

He turned to Zachariah waiting till the other angel caught his eye.

"Good means happy, it means doing the thing that while might not be correct will be what is the best for everyone in the long run. Would it have been better in the long run had I never spoken?"

They both stiffened at the question. Lucifer simply shrugged.

"Perhaps. But I did. Would it have been better in the long run if Dad didn't throw me out for an opinion? An opinion that I alone don't seem to have anymore if Raphael is to believed."

They tilted his head at him. He sighed in annoyance before sitting down gesturing them to do the same.

"Raphael told me he agrees with me that humans aren't worth what they are given, he holds them in contempt, as I hear it he's not the only one."

Zachariah leaned back in his chair and cross his arms.

"He isn't, but even those of us who hate them didn't leave Heaven. That's the difference."

Lucifer nodded a small smile played across his lips as he leaned back in his chair.

"And the staying on both your parts, the loyalty if you want to call it that —"

"That's what it was!"

Zachariah snapped. Naomi sent him a look, placing a hand on his arm to calm him down. His shoulders relaxed.

Naomi turned back to Lucifer.

"Please continue."

Lucifer's fingers twitched again but he pulled them down into his lap out of sight.

"You stayed loyal to Heaven even when some angels might not think it right, or the best course of action in the short term..."

Lucifer trailed off fixing his eyes on Zachariah who glared at him, his hand clenching before he could stop himself.

How dare Lucifer bring his Uriel into this?

"The fucking point Lucifer is?"

Lucifer moved fast, leaning over the table toward Zachariah, Naomi held her breath, not moving her hand away from Zachariah's arm under the table.

"The fucking point _Zachariah_ is that in the long run you stayed, you stuck it out when you could have joined him. When you could have saved him. While it hurt you I'm sure to watch him die."

Zachariah flinched before he can stop himself.

"In the long run it was good for Heaven."

Lucifer's voice softened as he continued.

"You helped Michael, even when in Michael's own words he didn't really deserve it. You put up with all the planning and talk of Paradise even when you might not have believed in it. You did it all because you were loyal."

Lucifer leaned back and looked between them.

"You both stayed even when some of the things happening weren't right."

Lucifer stared at Naomi at that, willing her to remember the Reeducation. A feat of cruelty and callousness that he had never thought Raphael was capable of.

She clenched her jaw and looked away.

"It had to be done. It —"

"Yes, but what was it right or good?"

Naomi blinked and thought for a moment before saying slowly,

"Right. We didn't want to do it at first. Their screaming used to feel like a blade through my chest but I did it for Heaven."

Lucifer nodded.

"Good meant staying, it meant you were both loyal. But the feeling of loyalty is comprised of many different motivations and feelings. So why else did you both stay?"

Naomi tensed when both of them looked at her.

"For Heaven. It's my home. I love it here."

she finished lamely. 

"And does that love extend to only the place and none of the inhabitants?"

Lucifer asked a smirk pulling at his lips.

Naomi ducked her head, she pulled her hand away from Zachariah's arm. Her fingers curled on her knees.

"Yes. Raphael, and Zachariah made it bearable."

Lucifer nodded and turned to Zachariah and simply raised an eyebrow and waited for an answer.

"Heaven has always been my home, I will defend it. I — I was loyal to Michael yes, but I - I'm not sure anymore if I truly loved him or loathed him."

Lucifer didn't bother stopping the cold wind that blew through the office.

"So you didn't stay for him okay. What else did you stay for?"

"Who. Uriel."

Zachariah gave a rare soft smile.

"Uriel made it worth it at least in the beginning, he made me smile and laugh. I needed that."

Lucifer nodded.

"Did you know?"

He didn't bother clarifying. Zachariah stilled risking a look at Naomi before taking a breath and looking at Lucifer and slowly nodding.

"I suspected, he liked to ask what it was like before, what y-you were like before."

Lucifer gave a sly smile.

"And what did you say?"

Zachariah huffed and rolled his eyes.

"That you were beautiful, that you were warm like Father': presence had been, that - that I loved to hear you sing."

Zachariah finished softly.

Lucifer blinked as Zachariah looked away.

"Thank you."

He said quietly.

Zachariah looked back at him and nodded awkwardly.

"But he didn't make it did he? So why did you stay after?"

Lucifer asked.

Naomi blinked looking at Lucifer. He was surprisingly gentle about that topic, even if it had been a number of years since then.

Though as Naomi thought about it. The number of years wouldn't have mattered. It could have been 5 or 2,000 years and the pain probably wouldn't have gone away.

Her mind flashing back to the bureau in Raphael's Heaven, to the false bottom of one of the drawers where Azazel's sword had been tucked away, hidden under a pile of odds and ends. She'd seen it the one and only time she'd had any curiosity to explore his home — it had still shined even after nearly 1,000 hidden in a drawer away from any light. When she'd skimmed her hand on the blade it had come away clean — there had been no dust on it either.

Raphael apparently cleaned regularly. So much so he had brought it up in passing.

_"Naomi, next time you go snooping through my things, wipe away your evidence."_

She had simply nodded, unable to look him in the eye for at least a week after.

After Raphael had died and she'd gotten a bit of time to breathe and mourn him she'd checked more out of necessity than any real urge to — it had still shined.

She inwardly sighed, there was nothing she could do now. She'd have to move on, Azazel was never fond of competition — as evident in the way he had kept a watchful eye on Balthazar whenever he and Raphael had talked.

Naomi forced those musings aside and made herself to focus on Zachariah, who, like her, only now seemed to be pulling himself out of the memories swirling in his head.

He eyes seemed to age as he blinked at Lucifer.

"I wanted to avenge him...I think. At least that's what it started out as, then it just became a personal mission to break the Winchesters."

"Why? It's not they were the ones who killed him."

"No, but he was stationed on earth because of them. If they hadn't —"

Zachariah broke off looking away. He swallowed letting the memory tug him in again.

*******

_"You're excited."_

_Zachariah drawled his head in Uriel's lap._

_Uriel looked down at him and grinned._

_"Am I now? How can you tell?"_

_Zachariah snorted and tugged teasingly at few feathers on Uriel's wing._

_"Because I know you. So why are you excited?"_

_Uriel didn't immediately answer him more interested in running his hand down Zachariah's bare chest and teasing him._

_"Uriel I will leave if you don't —"_

_"No you won't. You're too curious, and since I'm one of the few angels who knows you're going to wait till I feel the need to tell you."_

_He grinned down at him as Zachariah huffed._

_"And when will that be?"_

_Uriel hummed skating a hand through his hair and down to Zachariah's wing._

_He leaned down meeting Zachariah's lips as he arched up toward him._

_Zachariah pulled at him, smiling softly when Uriel finally allowed Zachariah to use his body so he caged Zachariah against the couch. Zachariah wound his hands around Uriel's neck._

_"So is my soldier going to tell me? Or am I going to have to make him laugh first?"_

_Uriel cracked a smile and shook his head leaning down to kiss him again._

_"Did I ever tell you that I love seeing this side of you? That I love that I'm the_ only _one who gets to see this side of you?"_

_"And it will only ever be you who sees it."_

_Zachariah said softly his voice low as his thumbs massaged the back of Uriel's neck._

_Uriel stilled, his eyes going wide. He pulled a little bit away in surprise._

_"Really? I mean I know we've being doing this for a while but —"_

_Zachariah rolled his eyes._

_"Yes Uriel as shocking as it sounds I like spending time with you."_

_Zachariah paused. He grinned suddenly pushing so Uriel was the one lying down._

_He leaned down looking at him. Tracing his jaw as he drank in the sight of the other angel._

_"And I would like it more if I could spend all my time with you for the rest of eternity. So will you be my mate Uriel?"_

_Uriel nodded, his words leaving him for a moment. Zachariah grinned._

_"Now tell me this huge secret of yours."_

_Uriel swallowed and nodded still looking at him in disbelief._

_"The Righteous Man, since Castiel was the one who saved him, it's our Garrison that gets to watch over him."_

_Zachariah beamed._

_"Congratulations. I know you've been wanting to do more."_

_Uriel shook his head pulling Zachariah's face toward him._

_"I've wanted this_ so _much more."_

_He breathed as he kissed him._

**_***_ **

Zachariah breathed in shakily before looking at Lucifer. He didn't even try to hide how much he hated this conversation.

"At first I did to avenge him, then because I hated the Winchesters, but I think — if I'm being really honest with myself, it was all a distraction. I was so angry, I wanted to make them suffer. The more they said no, the angrier I got. Because our time was being waisted and more importantly it meant Uriel's death made less and less of a significance."

Lucifer nodded and looked between them.

"So to my point, you both did it one way or another because you loved the angels here. You wanted to help your family right?"

They both blinked and slowly nodded.

"So Naomi while this place hasn't always been right it has been good. It can continue to be if you all are willing to give it a try. And yes, while you both have no reason to trust me. I am telling the truth, I feel angry and betrayed that more angels didn't come to my side."

He paused and leaned toward him, his voice going as serious as he could without sounding cold or threatening.

"But I'm also angry and appalled at what Heaven as become. I _do_ care. I just hide it well. Like you Naomi, who hides just how much Raphael's personal decisions have crushed you. And you Zachariah, who hides just how much it hurt for Uriel to die but also be labeled as a traitor."

He looked at them both in turn waiting for them to speak.

"I never got to mourn him. I — it would have been seen as a betrayal. I couldn't even take his sword as a memento because Raphael confiscated it to destroy it."

Naomi looked at Zachariah in surprise.

"He did?"

Zachariah nodded, his eyes on his lap.

"He had other things, knick knacks and such but that sword he cherished, he'd polish and sharpen it. It would have been the best thing to remember him by and Raphael _**stole it**_."

Zachariah growled at the end, the long thought dead anger surfacing again.

Naomi shook her head, needing to defend him even when she knew it would have been better to agree with Zachariah.

"I don't think he did it to hurt you Zachariah. I think he did it to protect you."

Zachariah shot her a look of rage.

"How was keeping Uri's sword away from me _protecting_ me?"

He spat.

It was Naomi's turn to look at her lap. She picked at her nails.

"He kept it."

She started softly. She slowly breathed in and out. Even simply thinking about it again was painful.

She glanced briefly at Lucifer before fixing her eyes on Zachariah.

"He kept Azazel's sword. You remember how obsessed with it Azazel had been right?"

Zachariah slowly nodded though his anger hadn't totally left him. He watched her impatiently tapping a long finger on his knee.

Naomi sighed and shrugged in resignation.

"I think he had the same idea you did, it was the most important thing Azazel had on—"

"One of the most important things actually."

Lucifer interrupted leaning back in his chair.

"What?"

Naomi asked her surprise sounding too close to fear. She had made a point of understanding everything about him. Maybe if she did then she could see what qualities had drawn Raphael in.

"He had a couple more. A set of rings he made for Raphael and himself to symbolize the promise that as long they wore them they still loved each other."

Lucifer shrugged at their looks of surprise.

"Azazel was broken when he came to me, I indulged him only because I had time to and —"

"Because you _cared_?"

Zachariah sneered.

Lucifer blinked before nodding in seriousness.

"I suppose I did, even back then."

"What else? I never saw the ring on Raphael."

Maybe she still had a chance, maybe —

"You wouldn't, Azazel had made sure they could become invisible so it didn't distract either of them when they were in the middle of fighting. Though I assure you Raphael has kept his on. It wasn't a perfect formula, I do remember one time in the moonlight there was a slight shadow of it against a pond."

Lucifer said trailing off as he saw Naomi's attention slip.

Naomi quickly thought back, turning over each and every encounter she and Raphael had had.

One time seemed to leap out at her.

They were in Raphael's home, she had been lounging on his bed watching as he moved around the room when his hand sparkled for a fraction of a second against a mirror as he opened his drawer searching for a shirt. He hadn't noticed the flash of light so she hadn't thought to bring it up. Simply assuming it had been a trick of the light.

Naomi curled inward, even then, even when they'd been together he'd kept it on. Of course he had. It was somehow worse than the sword.

"What else?"

She managed to choke out.

Lucifer shrugged placing his boots on the table.

"A bracelet or something I think but that had been from Gabriel since it had his horn charm dangling from the end."

Lucifer shrugged.

"I didn't make a habit of cataloging every piece of jewelry or trinket he had on him Naomi. I do remember though the day he finally stopped caring. He threw the bracelet and his Butterfly necklace into one of the fires in Hell."

Lucifer said. He blinked and looked at Naomi.

"Anyway, was there a point you were going to make or did you simply want to talk about Raphael?"

Naomi stiffened her lips thinning into a line as Zachariah smirked.

"He never moved on Zachariah. Sure he might of loved Balthazar or I but I don't think he would have mated with us if we had asked. I don't think he even ever really let us fully in. I think he wanted you to move on, to find happiness with someone in a way he couldn't or wouldn't allow himself to have."

Naomi said quietly looking at the desk.

"That sounds like him. Taking the burden of everyone around him even when no one asked him to."

Lucifer said quietly staring off to the side.

"Exactly. I never _asked_ him to, and more importantly he was wasting his time. I was never going to want anyone but Uriel."

"And now? Now that he's alive and probably somewhere in Heaven, has that changed your opinion?"

Lucifer asked taking his legs form the table so he could pull himself more closer to the desk looking at Zachariah. It inwardly surprised him that he wanted to genuinely know the answer.

"He hasn't even gone to visit him."

Naomi said looking at him with something akin to annoyance — he was afraid to, and that just annoyed her more. He had what she wanted, what she'd always wanted — a mate. If he didn't go and at least talk to him how would he know if there was anything to even fear?

Lucifer tutted as Zachariah nodded.

"Why not?"

"He chose you I —"

"Oh don't give me that. I'm not some arbitrary break off point for all of you."

Lucifer said waving at them both.

"It's very annoying to be seen as this edge you can't come back from. Azazel did, why can't Uriel?"

"What if he hates me? What if he never wants to speak to me again?"

Zachariah whispered in a rush.

Lucifer sighed.

"I'm this close to just flying you there and trapping you both in ring of Holy Fire till you both sort this out, but I won't. I'm trying not to get that invested in your love lives."

Naomi giggled as Zachariah cracked a smile at Lucifer's sarcasm.

"Thank you for - for whatever this was. It was nice."

Zachariah finally said gesturing between the three of them.

Lucifer nodded.

"Your welcome, but this isn't going to be a regular occurrence so don't get used to it."

He turned to Naomi his tone surprisingly empathetic. He even reached over to touch her hand.

"I know you love him, and I'm glad you at least made his nights a little less lonely, but as Gabriel has been saying repeatedly to all of us, you're not expendable, if you can't find someone else, at least find something else to live for."

Naomi nodded trying to blink the tears out of her eyes.

Lucifer sighed wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes. He knew what living for someone else was like. He had lived for God, for his brothers once. He still remembered the pain of being separated from them.

Zachariah and her both shared a look before standing.

"Thank you Lucifer, I do want this feeling to permeate Heaven. I'll try my best to move it along."

Naomi said.

"I'm going to find him and talk to him. I-I can tell you how it goes if you want?"

Zachariah asked hesitatingly.

Lucifer nodded at them both.

"Tell me how you both do."

They both nod flying away.

He pushed away from the desk and stood. He strode down to the hallway to his bedroom opening the small nightstand drawer.

The objects inside were more worn looking, they looked laden with stories to tell.

Lucifer picked up his angel blade, angling the blade to the light he could just make out the tendrils of roses on the hilt.

"It's beautiful."

Raphael said appearing next to him. Lucifer nodded balancing the sword on his palm.

"It appears I can not only care about them, I can empathize with them."

"Is that such a bad thing?"

Lucifer gripped the blade twirling it till it was in a more comfortable position before he met Raphael's eyes again.

"It is if something happens again, there is no guarantee that Dad won't change his mind, or —"

"It's okay to care."

Raphael said quietly moving to sit on the bed watching him.

Lucifer placed the blade back in the drawer and came to sit near him on the bed. A space still between them.

"Yes about you and our brothers. But them? They are —"

"Family. They are still family. Though I still understand the sentiment. It's easier to think of them as numbers, as simply soldiers devoid of personality than it to think of them as family."

"Is that how you were able to stomach your reeducation idea?"

Raphael nodded gravely.

"I would do it again if I have to — it needed to be done. But - but I still did not like doing it."

Lucifer nodded and in another rare show of affection he placed a hand on Raphael's.

"Brother I am curious. You did not come see me then when I first got of the cage. You had to be forced to spend time with me when Michael first took us to The Empty. So why are you coming here willingly now?"

Raphael's shoulders sagged.

"Michael doesn't like talking about these kind of things. He thinks what's done is done and you can only move forward. But if we don't understand what the problem was or why it kept persisting we'll never be able to move forward."

Lucifer nodded.

"What did you think the problem was?"

"Lack of faith and disillusionment."

"Aren't those the same things and that's still broad Raphael."

Raphael shot him an annoyed look.

"They feed into each other."

"Yes, but they weren't always there were they? So go back further, what do you think caused that lack of faith and disillusionment?"

"Father leaving and you being gone."

Lucifer rose an eyebrow.

"You don't think if I were still here but Dad had gone there'd be no lack of faith or disillusionment?"

Raphael shook his head.

"You were —"

He swallowed.

"You are our shinning star Lucifer. If we had had you here there would have been no war, Gabriel wouldn't have left. Azazel would have still been here as well."

Lucifer nodded.

"Do you blame me for that?"

He asked quietly.

"Haven't I answered this question before?"

"Answer it again."

Raphael rolled his eyes.

"No. He's as much at fault as you are."

Lucifer nodded.

"Why didn't you just blame me? It would have been easier for you would it not? You could still keep the image of him in your mind intact."

Lucifer felt Raphael's hand clench and unclench under his hand.

"It would also mean saying he wasn't smart enough to know what he was doing, it would mean saying he was blindly loyal to you."

"Was he not? Not even then?"

Raphael shook his head, he sent him a wary grin.

"When he went on your expeditions with you used to tell me he'd count down the days till he could come back to me."

"And you? What did you do during those expeditions?"

Lucifer asked his voice barely above a murmur. He found himself once again wanting to know.

Raphael gave a sheepish smile and shook his head.

"More or less the same. I'd lay awake at night and count all the things I missed about him — his smile, his laugh..."

Raphael chuckled self-consciously before continuing.

"Once I even got lonely enough to write letters to him about my day and how much I wished he was here with me."

Lucifer blinked before giving a warm smile.

"That's very sweet Raphael did he like them?"

Raphael's ear tips turned red as he nodded.

"He loved them, he joked he should leave more often if he got to have books worth of letters from me as a reward."

Lucifer titled his head.

"Reward?"

Raphael grinned and nodded.

"He likes listening to me talk. He surprised me one day by giving me a two boxes of letters. One box was the letters he'd swiped from my nightstand and the other box contained a reply to each and every one of mine."

Lucifer shook his head.

"And he did this for no reason? It wasn't an anniversary or anything?"

Raphael shot him a confused look before shaking his head with a smile.

He moved so he was facing Lucifer head on. He sat crossed legged looking at him.

Lucifer did the same, Raphael waited till he was settled before placing his hand back on the bed smiling when Lucifer placed his over it again.

"You don't really know much about our relationship do you?"

He said teasingly. Lucifer shook his head.

"Not really no."

Raphael nodded.

"It wasn't for an Anniversary, Az likes to do that. Give me random little gifts and trinkets."

"And do you? What do you in return?"

Lucifer hoped his question didn't seem too pointed but Raphael didn't seem to notice. Or if he did he didn't point it out. Lucifer suspected he was just happy someone was asking about his relationship instead of judging it.

"No so much trinkets as drawings or books I think he'll like. He surprisingly doesn't like the clutter of knick knacks. Though he did say the most valuable thing I'd ever given him was my words and time so..."

Raphael trailed off and shrugged his cheeks reddening as a smile spread on his lips.

"I'm think I'm doing well so far."

Lucifer smiled he'd never seen Raphael really bashful before. He'd seen him shy of course but not this coyness.

"You really love him don't you?"

Lucifer asked in wonderment.

Raphael beamed and nodded, his cheeks going slightly redder.

"Yes, I do."

Lucifer looked away.

"Then why —"

He shook his head, no reason to bring the desert up. Besides he had other questions to ask.

"When we were locked away, when you were fighting with Castiel why didn't you just let him win and instead use that moment to go back and time and get him back?"

Raphael shook his head.

"It would alter too many things and I didn't even let myself think that we could ever go back to what we had. I needed to think of the future, so I did."

Lucifer slowly nodded.

"Would you ever have taken anyone else?"

Raphael shook his head.

"I may have other loves but I don't think I could have handled mating with anyone else."

Lucifer thought for a moment. Raphael was not only talking to him again, he'd forgiven him. He'd forgiven Gabriel and Azazel and Castiel too. Still there was one last thing he needed an answer to.

"Did you ask Dad why?"

Raphael blinked tensing. Lucifer squeezed his hand.

"Just play along, I promise I have more questions to ask about you and Azazel."

Raphael blinked his lips twitching in a smirk as he nodded.

"Ask Father why what? There's a lot of them."

"Why he didn't tell you who he was when you were protecting him."

Raphael looked away and shook his head.

"I - it's not like I didn't notice it but it was all so overwhelming, and I wanted to know more where he'd been and if he'd been listening than anything else... Why? Did you ask?"

Lucifer shook his head apologetically.

"No. I was too angry the first two times and the other times I've seen him I've been caught up in my own problems, sorry."

Raphael turned his hand upward to clasp Lucifer's and squeeze it.

"It's okay, I don't forgive him for it, but I'm sure it will come up eventually."

Lucifer looked away.

"Don't do that Raphael, don't excuse others behavior, you're allowed to be angry, to want answers, to feel like your worth something."

Raphael looked away at the fierceness in Lucifer's tone. This was an old argument for them.

"I'm not. I didn't excuse you or Gabriel's or Azazel's or Castiel's behavior. And I was angry, I am still angry but after a while I had to let that go, there was no point and I want to be happy. I have everyone back. I know the answers to the questions that were important to me — I'm changed Lucifer."

There was an edge there, one wrapped up in frictional layers of ice.

"I know you changed Raphael, I'm not disputing that. What I am arguing is the fact that you —"

He broke off, he could tell Raphael was closing himself off. He thought for a moment. An argument would only lead to Raphael lashing out and they'd be back right where they were that night in the woods.

"You changed. I agree. I just didn't think it would be this drastically."

Raphael's eyes narrowed.

"What's that suppose to mean? What about you? You used to be patient, gentle, loving. Now look at you you're —"

"Raphael stop. I want this to be a conversation, that's all. So stop pushing me away."

Raphael's eyes flashed but he didn't say anything.

Lucifer assumed it was a signal to continue.

"You're right. But I am doing that now aren't I? And the patience and gentleness is still there, go ask Naomi or Zachariah if you don't believe me."

Raphael blinked in confusion but nodded.

Lucifer spoke again.

"As for the loving part I'm sure I can relearn it. I mean isn't an offshoot of loving caring?"

Raphael slowly nodded eyeing him warily.

Lucifer relaxed his shoulders, his fingers tracing random lines on Raphael's palm causing a smile to tug on the healer's lips.

"You used to do that to calm me down."

Raphael remarked watching Lucifer trace a star into his palm.

Lucifer nodded.

"And if still seems to do the trick don't you think?"

Raphael nodded before he looked up at him.

"So what have you been circling to ask me?"

"You didn't dispute the claim that you are allowed to be worth something. Do you think you're not?"

Raphael looked away.

"Everyone left. You, Father, Gabriel, Azazel. All the people I loved left me one by one, how does one keep any self-worth when the simple act of people leaving them proves the opposite?"

"Michael stayed."

Lucifer noted softly.

Raphael shook his head.

"Other way around. I stayed for him, I became and probably still am blindingly loyal as you put it."

Lucifer shook his head.

"You're not. If you had been you wouldn't have taken Azazel back, you wouldn't have stayed on Earth —"

"You both had each other, I know what you both said, but you'll choose each other over me I know that and I've accepted that. Everyone kn—"

"Screw what everyone knows of thinks they know. That thinking is a burden Michael and I will have to carry for the rest of existence. But listen to me Raphael never again. Never again will we or I more importantly choose a stupid plan over either of you."

Raphael shook his head tears coating his eyelashes.

"You don't understand Lucifer. It's not the plan, the battle, or any of that. It's the fact that you couldn't live without each other. He was so broken when you —"

"You think I can't live without you is that it?"

Raphael slowly nodded he looked at his lap.

Lucifer bit back the urge to automatically say it wasn't true, Raphael wouldn't believe him.

"Why do you think that? Do you think I can't live without just you or is Gabriel included in this?"

Raphael thought for a moment.

"Well considering you killed him... I'd like to say yes, but you hesitated then so..."

Raphael trailed off looking anywhere but him.

"And you're saying I didn't hesitate when I tried to take away Azazel from you is that it?"

Raphael slowly nodded.

"In my defense I really didn't think he had that much of significance to you."

"What did you think he was to me?"

Raphael asked softly, he sounded curious.

Lucifer shrugged.

"Something to pass the time, or relieve stress. I didn't know he was your confidant or that you used to miss him so much you wrote him letters."

Raphael flashed a grin and nodded.

Lucifer spoke again.

"If I had known, really known how much you loved him I probably would have stopped him from coming with me in the first place."

Raphael's eyes widened.

"You would have?"

Lucifer rolled his eyes.

"Yes, surprisingly your happiness matters to me Raphael."

Raphael didn't giggle or smile at the sarcasm he only nodded in seriousness.

"Thank you."

Lucifer narrowed his eyes at him.

"Has no one told you that?"

Raphael flashed a sad smile.

"Not in a long time."

Lucifer sighed his control snapping as he pulled Raphael toward him till the healer was resting in his lap.

Raphael blinked but relaxed.

"Should I be worried with all the sudden attention Star?"

He asks teasingly.

Lucifer shook his head placing a kiss on his head.

"No Flower, no."

He held him tightly for a moment before letting him go. Raphael stayed like that for a moment before taking a pillow and lying down so he could stare up at Lucifer.

Raphael stared at him for a moment before he smiled mischievously.

"Hi."

Lucifer smirked and poked him on the nose as he said.

"Hi yourself."

Raphael smiled.

"You remember."

He said softly. Lucifer nodded.

"It was your favorite thing to do as a fledging, of course I remember."

Raphael looked to the side before looking at Lucifer.

"So what's the real reason for the sudden attention?"

"Michael was supposed to watch you, even then you had a tendency to think you could fix every problem."

Raphael sighed and moved to lie on his back. He rubbed a hand over his face.

"He did, he - he consoled me when you killed Gabriel. I don't really remember what I was saying all I do remember is screaming and white noise."

"And before that? What about when Gabriel left what did he do then?"

"Sent out search parties, looked at maps to see —"

"For you Raphael, what did he do for you?"

Raphael blinked at the exasperation in Lucifer's tone.

"I - he didn't really do anything..."

He said softly, Lucifer nodded he wasn't really surprised.

"Do you mind telling me about the desert or no?"

Raphael swallowed taking a deep breath in. He tangled his hand in Lucifer's. relaxing as he felt Lucifer's thumb slid over the back of his hand.

"Before or after?"

"Both."

"There was a meeting where it was brought up. Azazel had to be dealt with separately so I volunteered and —"

"Why would you put yourself through that willingly?"

He asked in a rush.

Raphael gave him a pained look.

"I owed him that. It had to be me. Anyone else —"

Raphael swallowed.

"It wouldn't feel right."

He sat up and wrapped his arms around his knees.

"We needed closure, we both needed to know how it would end."

He buried his face in his knees and seemingly mumbled more as an admittance to himself than to Lucifer.

"Besides I wanted to see him. I missed him."

"But it didn't end did it? You kept his sword safe and polished instead of destroying it and he kept the ring you slid on his finger. Did you ever give him anything else by the way?"

"The knowledge of magic, but no other jewelry."

Raphael answered though he didn't move.

"Did Michael know what you did?"

"Of course not. He wouldn't have understood. He didn't even understand why I was mourning and he knew more than you did."

"What did he know?"

Raphael glared at him but Lucifer didn't take his question back.

Raphael sighed harshly and uncurled himself.

"That I loved him, he did too. I know he did. He used to call Azazel his little Butterfly. He knew that Azazel more often than not stayed with me than in his own nest. He knew that Azazel liked to go to Earth with me and help me find herbs and make me flower crowns."

"But he like me didn't seem to understand the depth you two had."

Lucifer said gently.

Raphael shrugged.

"Not my fault neither of you spent time when us."

"If I recall correctly we usually couldn't find you."

Lucifer said tapping his foot with his own.

Raphael gave a sheepish smile.

"What can I say? I liked having him to myself."

"And what about Gabriel, might as well ask. What did he know?"

Raphael laughed relaxing again.

"What didn't he know? He knew when our anniversary was, and whenever he caught us kissing he'd conjure bits of confetti or flower petals to make it 'more romantic'."

Raphael said grinning.

Lucifer nodded forcing a smile. It still hurt to hear though. Even if Raphael and he didn't spend that much time together as they grew up he should have at least made an effort to get to know Azazel a little better. Especially now that he knew the importance of him to Raphael.

"I'm sorry Michael or I didn't make more of an effort to get to know him."

Raphael shrugged.

"Well you can now, but thank you for telling me."

Lucifer nodded reaching for his hand again.

"So he didn't comfort you before or after?"

Raphael shook his head.

"He had other things to attend to so —"

"Don't do that."

Lucifer snapped.

Raphael sighed and nodded.

Lucifer looked down at their hands, he traced a smile and a heart into his little brother's palm. He looked up and smiled as he saw Raphael lips quirk.

"You pushed him away didn't you? You didn't allow him to comfort you?"

"Before I left he tried to but I shrugged him off. He didn't try after I came back."

"Raphael answer the first question."

Lucifer said with a sigh.

"I might have."

Raphael conceded.

"I wasn't enough for him though, he turned colder after Gabriel ran away. We - it was never personal. You killing Gabriel at least brought us to a breaking point where we momentarily leaned on each other. But other than that, we both did what we had to do."

Lucifer recalled he had the conversation he'd had with Zachariah and Naomi.

"And do you think that was good or right thing to do?"

Raphael looked at him oddly before saying.

"Right."

"Why isn't it good?"

"Because good would have meant it wouldn't have hurt as I realized other than work I didn't know what to ask to make Michael smile or laugh. I didn't even know if he still read under the stars at night."

Lucifer squeezed his hand staving off Raphael going through his memories.

"Why did you lose faith Raphael? Why did you lose faith when none of us else seemed to?"

He asked softly after a few minutes of silence.

Raphael looked away.

"You still thought he'd come back for you?"

"I thought he wasn't dead, maybe hiding like the coward he was but not dead. Why did you?"

Raphael shrugged.

Lucifer sighed and tugged on his hand.

"Come on, I won't yell at you or tattle to Michael."

Raphael's lips quirked again but he looked exhausted as he sighed.

"It wasn't just all the terrible things happening on Earth it was here too. So many needed to be fixed and more than once. Castiel was a great example of that."

"What set him off anyway?"

"You remember Damiel?"

Lucifer nodded.

"Yeah why?"

"He fell during one of the word wars to Berlin. He became human. It devastated Castiel."

"Were they mates?"

Raphael nodded.

"But it was more than that, there's levels to it Lucifer. Mating is only the start, if you go all the way — if you want to commit to each other in more than just words and actions you can link your graces together. Though there a lot of downsides to it. If one dies the other goes insane from grief or dies from heartbreak."

"Did they do that?"

"Just about, they hadn't fully locked their graces together yet so I was able to salvage something of Castiel."

Lucifer snorted.

"Damiel doesn't seem that committed."

"He was, ask Azazel he saw them more than I did, he used to say they were like us. They only had eyes for each other."

Lucifer smirked.

"Is there anything Azazel says to you that isn't romantic?"

Raphael smiled.

"Very rarely."

He quipped back.

Lucifer sobered up.

"Where you both going to—"

"No. It was too soon for us then. However if we had stayed together all this time? Probably. But not now. I've seen that bond tear too many angels apart."

Lucifer decided not to push that part instead saying.

"It's funny to me that Castiel seems more devoted to those Winchesters than he did to Damiel. They don't really seem to have a strong relationship."

"You would think that wouldn't you? But Damiel and his human's line was what eventually become the Campbells. I think it's only fitting Castiel would be the one to fall for them. It's tragically romantic."

"Didn't realize you had a type Raphael."

"Shut up. Azazel and I might have been tragic but we were never hopeless."

Lucifer nodded.

"So it was seeing all the pain from the other angels that caused you to lose your faith?"

Raphael slowly nodded.

"Yes. I think that's exactly what happened. Michael concerned himself with strategy and the day to day training. I took care of communication and healing."

He smiled his shoulders sagging.

"At least I now know why, I always thought there must have been something wrong with me."

"There's never been anything wrong with you Raphael, your perfect the way you are."

Lucifer rolled his eyes as he saw Azazel leaning against his doorway.

"How did you get in here?"

Azazel showed the four keys jingling from his neck.

"Still have this Luce and since you haven't changed the lock—"

"Raphael remind me to do that."

Raphael smiled and nodded beckoning Azazel with his other hand. Azazel beamed he shot Lucifer a wary look but kept walking when Lucifer didn't do anything.

Raphael's hand curled around his as Lucifer tried to pull away.

Azazel came around the bed and slid next to Raphael putting his hands around his waist and leaning in to give him a kiss.

Raphael hummed in content before bursting out in laughter as Azazel pushed him down on the bed and tickled him. Lucifer held Raphael's hand tighter grinning as he tried to squirm away.

After a few moments Azazel took pity on him and stopped instead curling into Raphael's side.

Raphael's laughter slowed down, his free hand coming to comb through Azazel's hair as they stared at each other.

Azazel relaxed his chin resting on his hand which was draped over Raphael's shoulder.

Raphael finally gave a soft smile.

"Hi Azazel."

Azazel rolled his eyes.

"Hi Raphael."

He said before grinning and allowing Raphael pull him into a slow kiss.

Lucifer watched them smiling softly. This is what Heaven was suppose to be. This was good.

He leaned back against his headboard his free arm cushioning his head.

He gave Raphael a warm smile and wink when he sat up again. Raphael gave a warm smile back before he moved to place the pillow on his lap as he leaned back against the end of the bed.

"You know I don't like that."

Azazel grumbled swiping the pillow aside before he lay his head down on Raphael's lap. Smiling softly when Raphael used his free hand and pulled Azazel's hand to his lips where he kissed it.

"I know, but I didn't think Luce wanted it to go to waste."

Lucifer nodded trying not to beam at the fact that Raphael was finally using his nickname in an ordinary conversation instead of in teasing or sarcastic way.

"Raphael's right, I don't. You're going to have to pick that up and clean it Azazel."

Azazel grumbled burrowing further in Raphael's lap. Raphael smiled wider at the sight.

"I don't want to."

Azazel finally said.

"You're going to have to."

Raphael informed him, poking him on the head.

Azazel made a noise and tried to swipe his hand away. Suddenly he looked up at Raphael.

"And if I do what do I get?"

"What do you want?"

Lucifer asked curiously.

Raphael rolled his eyes.

"Don't encourage him."

Azazel grinned wider and sat up, he poked Raphael in side.

"What do I get?"

He asked again.

Raphael closed around his hand as Azazel tried to pull his away.

"How about I don't break your hand?"

Azazel hummed contemplatively, he twisted placing his other hand on Raphael's leg to lean slightly above him.

"Tempting, but I'd much rather a kiss. It's more rewarding."

Azazel grinned wider as Raphael rolled his eyes and shoved him off the bed.

Lucifer rolled his eyes shaking his head.

"Five."

Raphael looked at him quizzically.

"Five what?"

"Azazel said five things that weren't romantic."

Azazel beamed as sat back on the bed, he handed the pillow back to Lucifer who shook his head.

"Wash it."

And then with a sadistic grin Lucifer added.

"The human way."

Raphael grinned and nodded as Azazel pouted.

Azazel looked between them before grudgingly nodding. He looked back at Lucifer.

"Gabby used to that, when we got first got together he'd tease me that all I say to Raphael is romantic things."

Azazel grinned wide and pointed at Raphael.

"But can you blame me? It's so much fun! He blushes every time."

Raphael rolled his eyes.

"Not every time."

He muttered looking away causing both Lucifer and Azazel to grin.

"Okay, fine, not every time. But almost every time. Happy now Raphael?"

Raphael turned back and nodded kissing Azazel on the cheek.

"Yes."

He said with a smile as he pulled away. He smirked and shrugged at the look Azazel was giving him.

"You didn't specify where you wanted me to kiss you."

"I usually don't have to!"

Azazel exclaimed his eyes annoyed though a smile tugged at his lips.

Raphael shrugged again and stuck out his tongue at him.

Azazel growled tackling at him. Lucifer let Raphael take his hand away and watched as Raphael easily flipped them pinning Azazel to the bed.

Azazel squirmed but Raphael didn't move, he took his wrists and held it above his head.

Raphael took his hand and slowly trailed his fingers over him face, jaw, down his neck...

Azazel whimpered trying to pull away. Raphael chuckled and shook his head.

"I'm not going to do anything Sunshine, relax."

He said softly.

Azazel shook his head and pulled away harder. He eyed Raphael in fear.

"I know you, you're going to do something. You always did whenever I tackled you when you were working."

Raphael hummed in acknowledgment.

"That's because I was working Luv and you kept disturbing me."

Azazel tensed as Raphael threaded his hand through on of Azazel's hands bringing it to kiss before holding it down again.

He looked down at Azazel.

"Though you never seemed to learn."

He noted mildly as he tapped Azazel's nose. Azazel simply stared at him.

Raphael titled his chin up before bending down to capture his lips.

Lucifer watched as Azazel slowly relaxed forgetting the warning and kissed him back, he even used his legs to try to pull Raphael closer.

Lucifer shook his head Azazel shouldn't have let his guard down.

Almost immediately Azazel's moan turned a peal of laughter as Raphael pulled away held him down fast.

Raphael used his grace to tickle everywhere on Azazel's body he could — wings and all.

Azazel screamed, not being able to catch his breath or speak. Raphael only grinned down at him.

After a few moments Azazel was crying but he managed to choke out,

"M-Mercy! Mercy please!"

Raphael looked at Lucifer.

"What do you think Luce should we give it to him?"

Lucifer hummed and leaned over Azazel.

"We could."

Lucifer said slowly smiling inwardly as Azazel frantically nodded up at him.

"Or we could do this."

Lucifer flicked his eyes to Raphael who nodded. Lucifer grinned and placed a finger on Azazel's forehead letting his grace tickle him as well.

Azazel whined.

Finally after few more seconds Raphael nodded at Lucifer and they both let go.

Azazel flew off the bed to stand in the corner and glare at them both.

Slowly he caught his breath grabbing the water bottle Raphael offered him and draining it.

Azazel slowly came to sit down near them he eyed them both warily.

Lucifer gave him a smirk as Raphael would his arms around Azazel's waist and pulled him into his lap.

"Do you forgive me?"

He murmured into Azazel's ear. Azazel crossed his arms and looked away, making a noncommittal noise.

Raphael pouted momentarily before kissing up his neck mumbling "I'm sorrys" and "I love yous" into his skin.

Lucifer couldn't help laughing as Azazel slowly relaxed titling his head up to look at Raphael.

"You're lucky you're beautiful."

He said pulling Raphael for a quick kiss.

"Are both seriously like this when you're alone?"

Azazel looked back at Lucifer and nodded, his hands drifting down to clasp Raphael's.

"Though far fewer clothes."

He said with a wolffish grin.

Raphael snorted and buried his head in Azazel's neck.

"Azazel. Shut up."

He muttered placing a kiss at the hollow of his neck before pulling away and shooting him a unimpressed look.

Azazel shrugged.

"What? He asked."

Lucifer chuckled again and shook his head. He was starting to see why Gabriel liked spending time with them. It was more than they were cute to watch, he hadn't seen Raphael this animated in a long time.

"Azazel I have a proposition for you."

Azazle tensed he looked at Lucifer before turning to look at Raphael in permission.

Raphael huffed.

"What is it?"

"This is what Heaven was suppose to feel like."

Lucifer said gesturing between all three of them. Raphael and Azazel grinned.

Lucifer grinned back and looked at Azazel.

"Care to help me bring this feeling to the rest of them?"

Azazel beamed.

"When do we begin?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm slowly becoming obsessed with Zachariah and Uriel, help!
> 
> Comment below if you want me to include that little bonus scene where they might or might not make up. ;)


	12. No More Right (Bonus Scene)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zachariah goes to find Uriel.

Zachariah flew from Lucifer's Heaven down to the fourth — soldiers barracks.

If Uriel was anywhere it would be around here. Zachariah inwardly flinched at the eyes suddenly latching onto him as he descended.

The one time he'd love nothing more than to be invisible.

He ignored them and walked to Uriel's tower, it had been cleansed so odds were he wouldn't be here either.

But Zachariah moved to look through the window jumping when he turned and felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Malachi can I help you?"

"I think it's going to be the other way around Zachariah."

Malachi said with a grin, Bartholomew sniggered behind him.

Zachariah lifted his eyes from Malachi to Bartholomew.

"What are you doing here?"

Bartholomew's face split in a grin and he lunged putting an arm around Malachi's neck.

"Don't you know? We're friends now!"

Zachariah blinked and looked at Malachi for an explanation. Malachi grinned.

"He bet he could out drink Tamiel. He did, but now he's too drunk to fly anywhere."

Bartholomew spotted a twinkling light a little ways away and rushed to find it.

"It's so shiny! Mally look! It's so shinny!!"

Zachariah lips twitched as they both looked to see Bartholomew on the ground playing with a piece of tinfoil.

Zachariah looked back at Malachi.

"Mally?"

Malachi snorted and nodded.

"Apparently my name is too hard to pronounce hence the nickname."

Zachariah nodded he forced himself to engage his brother, might as well help Naomi while he was at it.

"I feel like someone should be recording him."

He gestured to Bartholomew who was rolling on the floor and batting at the tinfoil like a cat.

Malachi burst out laughing nearly falling to the ground. Zachariah watched trying not to show his impatience. Once Malachi composed himself he gestured to the spire a few yards away.

"Inias and Samandriel have it covered."

Zachariah ears perked at the names.

"How is he? Do you know if he blames Naomi for what she did? Do both of them do for that matter?"

Malachi shrugged.

"I don't know but you can go ask them if you want. They've been all lovey-dovey since Samandriel came yesterday morning. At least now they're not making out in full view of everyone."

Malachi shuddered remembering walking into that scene.

"Malachi come on. I only have so much patience."

Malachi blinked and nodded.

"Right Uriel, come on. He's sitting with Tamiel."

"That's a recipe for disaster."

Zachariah muttered as he followed Malachi.

Malachi turned back and shook his head.

"He's actually not that bad. He's been pretty nice so far, he hates Castiel so that's just a bonus."

Zachariah smirked and nodded still he didn't say anything.

"He's been indulging him you know, answering all his questions."

Malachi said as they continued to walk. Malachi and Uriel had been friends Zachariah remembered.

Zachariah looked at him his eyes narrowing.

"What _types_ of questions?"

"What was it really like on Earth during those times? Was it true Lucifer didn't help them? What's Azazel really like..."

Zachariah rolled his eyes and quickened his pace.

He couldn't get away from that damn angel.

"You don't want to know him, stay far away from him."

Malachi paused and looked at him.

"That's what everyone keeps saying, even Tamiel. But why? What's so bad about him?"

"He's persuasive. He could convince you that your angel blade is actually his and then stab you with it to and probably make you believe you wanted it."

"You don't like him."

It wasn't a question.

Zachariah shrugged.

"We have a history, there's many reasons I don't like him."

"Can you tell me why?"

They both looked up to see Uriel standing and staring at him. Zachariah slowed and swallowed.

"Uriel."

Tamiel moved around Uriel to grin at Zachariah.

"Z! You look fancy!"

Zachariah rolled his eyes.

"Hi Tammy, mind if I borrow Uriel for a moment?"

"Go ahead. Fair warning he's hilarious."

Zachariah's lips quirked.

"Of course he is, he's the funniest angel in his Garrison."

Uriel's facade melted a little as his eye twitched and he looked away. It had been Zachariah who gave him that moniker after their first date after all.

Uriel and Zachariah walked for a while in silence, both wanting to get away from the other angels. Their wings twitched as they heard Bartholomew scream and then say very loudly.

"Hester your wings are very pretty!"

Uriel smirked as Zachariah shook his head.

"I can't wait to here what Naomi and Efram say when they here this."

Uriel snorted.

"They probably won't let him live it down will they?"

Zachariah shook his head.

"I'm not going to let him live it down so..."

Zachariah trailed off as he caught Uriel's eye. Up close he could tell Uriel was just as nervous about this conversation as he was. But they needed to have it at some point. The sooner the better.

Uriel gestured to a bench a few yards away and Zachariah wordlessly nodded before thinking better of it.

He grasped Uriel's hand and flew them up to the second Heaven — Seraph Suites.

He didn't wait for Uriel to get his footing before he was pulling him inside his apartment.

He finally turned and let Uriel's hand go.

Uriel gave him a grin.

"Someone missed me."

"Of _course_ I missed you."

Zachariah inwardly flinched his tone was too desperate. The smile slipped from Uriel's face. He moved brushing a hand along Zachariah's cheek.

"I know, I missed you too."

he said softly.

It took all of Zachariah's self control to not push Uriel against the wall and claim him.

"Then why do I feel like something is holding us back?"

Uriel dropped his hand and moved to sit on his couch.

"Tell me why you don't like Azazel."

Zachariah looked at the ceiling trying to calm himself down. He gave up after a few minutes and sighed.

"Does it matter? He's just bad news, stay away from him."

"Don't do that, you always do that. You don't tell me anything!"

Zachariah blinked at Uriel's outburst.

"I told you about Anna, about the way Raphael figured out reeducation I —"

"I mean nothing _personal_."

Zachariah shook his head.

"I do tell you personal things Uri, you know that. It's just more recent things like the last week not the last 2,000 years."

Uriel sighed and shed his out robes getting more comfortable into the couch.

"That's my point, why don't you?"

"Because that's all you ask about!"

"Because you don't tell me!"

They glared at each other Uriel folded first.

"Please, just tell me? I want to know everything about you. You know everything about me, it's not fair."

Zachariah smirked and sat down next to him.

"Well it's not my fault I'm older."

He said poking Uriel in the cheek. Uriel rolled his eyes.

"Zacky I'm being serious, it's not fair."

Zachariah's smiled dimmed and he sighed.

"Fine. Fine. Let's get this over with. Do you seriously want to know about Azazel that badly?"

"I want to know why you hate him."

Uriel said looking at his lap.

Uriel looked at him and spoke again.

"Did he _**hurt**_ you?"

Zachariah's eyes widened before he his face finally softened.

"That's what you were worried about? He's not the only angel I have a problem with Uri."

He said gently.

Uriel nodded.

"I know but you don't really hate the other angels this passionately. I mean you hate Castiel but that's more of circumstances than anything else."

Zachariah looked away.

"How do you know that? How do you know I truly don't wish him ill will?"

Uriel smiled leaning to brush his lips over Zachariah's jaw line.

"Because he helped clear Gadreel's name, and you idolized Gadreel."

Uriel murmured.

Zachariah shivered and relaxed further, pulling Uriel closer to him.

"Okay fine, you win and he didn't hurt me."

Uriel beamed moving till he was on Zachariah's lap. He placed his head on his chest and looked up at the older angel.

Zachariah smiled down at him, grinning wider when Uriel moved to kiss him.

After a moments Uriel slowly pulled away. He smirked when Zachariah chased his lips.

"No more till I get my story."

Zachariah rolled his eyes.

"It's not much a story as it is a series of events. He took the most important people away from Naomi, and she never really recovered. That's why I hate him. That and he acts like he owns every place he's in."

Uriel nodded.

"Was it always like that?"

He prodded gently.

Zachariah shook his head.

"Gadreel, he and another angel Sarchiel were best friends. If you liked one you couldn't really help admiring the others. I liked Sarchiel more though, he was more adept at conversing than he was with a sword like me."

Uriel nodded slowly smiling.

"so that's how my little charmer was born."

Zachariah ducked his head kissing him again.

"Stop distracting him Uri or I'll stop telling you and just kiss you instead."

Uriel grinned before nodding.

"Is there more? Sarchiel fell right?"

Zachariah nodded.

"Yeah he did. But I always used to admire how he could keep Azazel from doing something stupid. He listened to them."

"You used to admire him didn't you?"

"Who, Azazel?"

Uriel nodded.

"Yeah I did, he taught me how to wield a sword, he was always so quick on his feet..."

Zachariah trailed off before his mouth hardened and he said.

"Then he broke my best friend's heart."

"Who else did he take away?"

"Abaddon, she and Naomi were best friends. She was a Rit Zien, but she was hungry for something more so Azazel took her."

Uriel nodded.

"Like I used to be."

Zachariah nodded.

"Exactly. So you see why I'm worried when you hang out with those angels."

Uriel nodded.

"I won't go near him then, I rather have you than all of that power anyway. I know it doesn't lead to any happiness that could beat what I feel with you."

Zachariah smiled and titled Uriel's head for a kiss.

Uriel let Zachariah pull away, he stared at him slightly dazed.

"We're okay right?"

Zachariah gave him an odd look.

"It's not like I went into this not knowing your beliefs Uriel. My words still stand, I want to be your mate."

Uriel beamed pulling Zachariah into a hug and then into his lap.

"I love you."

Uriel said gazing at him. Zachariah beamed pulling him into a sensual kiss.

"I love you too."

Zachariah whispered against his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand I'm officially obsessed with them. Wonderful.


	13. No More: Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel goes on his own mini Apology Tour.

Gabriel sighed as he watched Sam and Dean interact. They weren't even doing anything special just scrolling through their laptops!

Gabriel stood and walked away he looked back to see Castiel trailing behind him.

"Are you alright?"

Gabriel sighed and leaned against the wall watching as Castiel did the same on the opposite wall.

"I screwed up, Raphael is not going to forgive me. Hell, I'll be lucky if he doesn't punch me."

Castiel blinked his arms uncrossing.

"You don't know that."

He said softly.

Gabriel nodded.

"Yes I do. Raphael isn't the one I should be yelling at, it's Michael and Lucifer. Raphael is as much a victim of all this as I am."

He looked away his hands digging into his arms.

"Gabriel you have to go talk to him."

Gabriel looked at Castiel, he chewed his bottom lip before letting out a deep breath and nodding.

"You're right Castiel. Thanks."

Gabriel moved toward Castiel giving him a kiss on the cheek before turning away, not seeing the light blush on the younger angel's face at the sudden action.

Gabriel flew off. He appeared in France, dawdling.

"Gabriel?"

Gabriel turned and inwardly swore.

"Anael, Anna. Hi, how are you?"

Anna blinked at him. She rose from the table she was sitting at leaving her macaroons to come toward him.

"That's the first question you want to ask me? How I am? You left Gabriel, you left and you didn't even say goodbye. You didn't even leave a fucking _**note**_!"

Gabriel flinched.

Anna took another step toward him and continued her voice going raw.

"I woke up to find you gone, no note no explanation. Why didn't you at least wake me? Do you know the Hell your brothers put me through thinking I must have known where you went?"

Gabriel stilled and looked at her, he reached a hand toward her only for her to flinch away from it.

"Did - did they..."

He swallowed.

"Did they hurt you?"

Anna shook her head.

"No, that would come later."

He flinched away from the bitterness in her voice.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you."

He said softly sitting in front of her a few minutes later. She nodded chewing on a macaroon.

She swallowed and shrugged.

"I don't know what you could have done. Raphael personally Reeducated me and Michael smited me. You couldn't really go against both of them at the same time."

Gabriel's hands curled into the wrought iron table's design. One more thing to add the list of the ways that Michael had screwed up.

"I'm sorry."

He said again. He didn't really know what else to say, if there was anything else he could say.

Anna nodded.

"I know."

She said quietly.

"Why are you in France anyway, is it for the macaroons? Or are you just passing through to visit Kali, I here she's in Germany at the moment."

Gabriel didn't miss the bitterness and unsaid accusation in Anna's voice. He shook his head.

"It's not like that. It - it wasn't like that."

Anna's head shot up her blue eyes hard.

"It wasn't like _what_ Gabriel?"

Gabriel put his hands up trying to ward off her anger.

"I didn't leave Heaven for her."

He paused lowering his hands and spoke again his voice soft.

"I didn't leave **_you_** for her."

She looked away.

"Kind of feels like you did, it's not like I had anything else to go on since there wasn't, you know, a _note_."

Gabriel sighed, he felt like he was going to be hearing that a lot.

"I know I just couldn't handle it, their fighting, the idea that they were both okay with planning a battle to the death because Dad said so."

He sighed harshly and looked away.

"I wasn't okay with watching my family kill each other so I left."

Anna nodded.

"I get it, I mean I fell because I was sick and tired of existing and not living."

Gabriel turned back and gave her a warm smile.

"I heard about that. How was it, being human?"

Anna beamed.

"It was wonderful. I loved it. I - I would do it again if I thought I could get away with it."

Gabriel leaned toward her, taking her hand and intwining their fingers together.

"Don't. Look I know you've never met him but I made a promise to him that I wouldn't run away again, and I _won't_. Please don't do that either Anna. As much it hurts to know that our family is capable of hurting each other, they _did_. But there has to be a point where we move forward together. I - as cyclical as I am still miss my brothers. That's why I am here, to talk to Raphael. Don't run okay? Just don't do it."

Anna nodded at him mutely.

"Fine. If only because I don't have anywhere else to go."

She looked down at the table picking at the cookie in front of her.

"How - what's he like? Does - am  
I in trouble?"

Gabriel titled his head. In all honesty he wasn't sure if Chuck even cared or registered what she'd done.

He shrugged and squeezed her hand.

"I don't think you're in trouble Anna, and if he does try to hurt you I'll make sure he doesn't."

Anna gave a small smile and nodded. She looked down at their hands.

"Is there — do you want to pick up from where we left off?"

She asked hesitantly.

Gabriel thought for a minute, he loved her. He did. But he could tell they'd both grown apart, that even if they tried again, there would always be something off about the relationship. Still his opinion wasn't the opinion that mattered.

"Do you want to?"

He asked softly.

She slowly pulled her hand away from his and shook her head.

"Too much time has passed, I'm not sure if we can. If there is anything there to go back to."

Gabriel nodded and rose.

"My thoughts exactly."

He went around the table and dropped a kiss on her head.

"Goodbye Anna. Call me if you need me okay?"

She nodded.

"Goodbye Gabriel."

He flew off, hating the feeling of dread as he walked through the door.

"Raphael isn't here, so you can leave."

Gabriel turned to see Azazel watching him.

"Azazel, I am _so_ sorry. I didn't mean —"

He felt pain shoot through him as his skull hit the wall. Azazel glared up at him, a sword at his neck.

Gabriel didn't push him away, he had expected as much.

"You think that makes up for it all? You hurt him, broke his heart. You abandoned _**me**_! Your apologies mean nothing."

Azazel pushed off him and stalked a few feet away before glaring back at him.

Gabriel rubbed his neck staring at the blood on his fingers and feeling the sting in his skin. It almost felt like....

Azazel gave a bitter laugh at his confusion and pointed his sword at him.

"You really think I wouldn't find a way to kill you archangels?"

Gabriel shook his head healing the cut. It hadn't occurred to him, but it made sense. Azazel would have wanted at least a fighting chance when he and Raphael had met in the desert.

As the front door unlocked, they both turned to see Raphael appear in the doorway.

Raphael and Gabriel stared at each other for a long moment.

Raphael spoke first.

"I was going to go looking for you."

Gabriel swallowed and nodded. He didn't know what to say to that. All he wanted to do was pull Raphael into a hug and beg him to forgive him and not hate him.

Azazel growled at Raphael.

"You can't be serious."

"I am, I wanted to talk to him."

"Why? Because you and Lucifer suddenly have two heartfelt conversations you think Gabriel and you could have that? He doesn't care, not about Heaven, or Hell or any of it. He doesn't deserve —"

"Azazel I'm going to talk to him whether you like it or not."

Azazel looked between them, moving his sword between them his said,

"Call me when this farce of a reunion is over."

He flew off.

Raphael sighed and gestured for Gabriel to come more inside.

"You and Lucifer talked?"

Gabriel finally asked walking into the living room.

Raphael nodded.

"It was actually nice. He's making an effort."

Gabriel simply nodded, anger pulsed through his veins but the guilt roared louder — drowning out his thoughts.

"I - I didn't mean any of those things."

He said gripping one of the chairs looking at Raphael sitting on the couch.

Raphael blinked at him.

"Why not? I meant what I said, you —"

Gabriel nodded quickly.

"Yeah I don't think it would be a good idea to repeat that. You're not a burden Raphael, I don't know why I said that."

Raphael tensed and looked away.

"Sometimes our anger pushes us to speak long held truths."

He mumbled.

"That's not one of them. You're my brother, I love you it's not —"

"Then why did you say it?"

Gabriel swallowed.

"Because it would hurt you."

He whispered.

"I never wished you to not be created."

Raphael finally offered after a few moments, Gabriel knew this was Raphael's way of accepting his apology.

Raphael spoke again after a moment.

"And I - I don't think you deserved to be killed by him, but you were stupid to not think he wouldn't."

Gabriel nodded.

"Yeah, I know. But I had to save them."

"Why? Why choose Humanity over.... everything?"

"Because it was the only choice I could make. I couldn't do it, I couldn't physically hurt any of them."

"You hurt Azazel, you tried to smite him."

He pointed out his voice calm.

"Because he was being a little shit, because I was angry —"

"By doing nothing, by choosing neither side you did more harm than good don't you see that?"

Raphael said turning fully to look at him.

Gabriel blinked and shakily sat down in the armchair.

"Do you honestly believe that?"

He whispered.

Raphael nodded.

"Of course I do, if you had been there you would have found a better way. You would have made sure I didn't start Reeducating them."

He looked down at his hands.

"You would have kept Michael from getting cold, you would have stopped me from becoming numb."

Gabriel dug his hands into the armchair to keep from going to him. He'd been wronged too, no matter how much it hurt to hear him say things like that — he'd been wronged too and his brother hadn't come.

"What about me? If you had come you could have talked him down, you could have saved me."

Raphael's hands curled into fists.

"What about me? What about saving me? I was drowning Gabriel, I needed you and you walked away."

Gabriel looked away.

"Why didn't you come? You both were paying attention, I know you were."

"Michael wanted to see what Lucifer would do. If was possible he could still be reasoned with."

Gabriel's eyes flashed and before he could stop himself he said.

"I am _**not**_ a pawn!"

"I **_know_**."

Raphael breathed looking back at him.

"I know. But what could I have done? I was so angry and resentful — so I let him. I shouldn't have, but I did. I'm sorry."

Gabriel blinked and nodded he placed his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry I keep getting angry at you, it's not your fault. Fuck, it wasn't even your idea. I'm a terrible brother."

He tensed when he felt an arm come around his shoulders. He let Raphael pull him from his chair to the couch.

Once he had sat down and Raphael had curled his legs underneath himself he met Gabriel's eye.

"Yes you are."

Gabriel tried to blink the tears away, Raphael moved wiping them gently away.

"But I'm still glad you're here Gabriel. I missed you."

He said softly.

Gabriel's bottom lip trembled and he wrapped his arms around Raphael crying into his shoulder.

"I'm so, so, sorry. I'm sorry for leaving, for not leaving a note, for not saying goodbye —"

He broke off and pulled away looking at Raphael.

"Did - did you really count me as dead then?"

Raphael shook his head.

"Of course not."

Gabriel moved wiping Raphael's tears away.

"I would have broken much sooner if I had thought that."

Raphael whispered.

Gabriel nodded.

"I wish I could say more, I wish I could make it all up to you."

Raphael shrugged and leaned back into the couch, his face looking at the ceiling.

"What's done is done."

Gabriel stared at him for a long moment. He wanted him back — his brother, his best friend, his other half back.

"I don't think your weak Raphael, I think your strong. You stayed and did everything when you could have been a coward like me and ran away. I don't think your burden either, you're the exact opposite — you were the best big brother ever. I idolized you, I still do."

Gabriel admitted quietly.

Raphael shook his head,

"Stop that. Stop being nice to me. I should have saved you, if I had been half a good brother as you claim, I should have ignored Michael and saved you."

Gabriel shook his head but Raphael spoke over him.

"I didn't feel strong Gabriel, at times I thought you were strong — you left, you didn't care enough to stay, you were able to leave, to be happy —"

"I wasn't _happy_!"

Gabriel finally burst out, and then quieter he repeated:

"I wasn't happy. I didn't have my family, I didn't have my best friend, I wasn't happy. I was lonely, Raphael you have no idea how much I missed you."

Gabriel didn't realize he was sobbing till Raphael pulled him into an embrace, murmuring softly to him enochian.

Gabriel clutched his shirt, pressing his face into Raphael's chest.

"I missed this. You don't know how many nights I cried myself to sleep."

He muttered into the shirt.

"Shh, no more. I don't want anymore tears from my little Bird."

Gabriel cried harder his nails digging into Raphael's skin.

"I'm still your Bird?"

"Yes, you'll always be... am I still your Flower?"

Gabriel nodded he pulled away whipping his tears away.

"Yes, yes of course you are."

Gabriel sighed as Raphael whipped the tears out of his own eyes.

He needed to lighten the mood, he wanted to see Raphael smile.

"Why did Lucifer start calling you Flower anyway?"

Raphael huffed a laugh and shook his head.

"Apparently because I was tiny and he was terrified that I was going to get hurt. It started out as 'My Precious Flower' and became Flower. You know why you're called Bird right?"

Raphael asked with a smile, his fingers tapping against Gabriel's one by one.

Gabriel nodded and then looked down.

"What's the count to?"

Raphael shrugged,

"There's song Castiel was showing me called 'Fix You' it's catchy."

Gabriel nodded he relaxed against Raphael's chest.

"I like the rhythm, it's soothing. And isn't it because I was constantly talking?"

"Don't you mean chirping?"

Raphael giggled as Gabriel threw him a glare.

"I am not above tickling you Raphie."

Raphael didn't answer opting for pulling him closer, Gabriel relaxed further clinging to him as hard as he could.

Slowly Raphael pulled away.

"Are you staying or...."

He trailed off as Gabriel shook his head.

"I want to, but if I don't talk to them now I don't think I ever will."

Raphael nodded.

"Good luck."

"You said Lucifer is trying though."

"I did, but it takes him awhile to get there."

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"Liar, you know that between the two of us he always took your side."

"Yeah because you kept stealing my things and just generally being a nuisance."

But Raphael was smiling as he said it, Gabriel rolled his eyes and shoved him causing him to burst out laughing.

"Gabriel!"

Raphael turned and pulled Gabriel down with him. They lay tangled on the floor laughing.

"I see the family reunion went well."

Gabriel turned and smiled.

"Azzy!"

Azazel stiffened and looked away.

"Don't call me that."

There was no bite to his words, just tiredness.

Raphael sat up on the floor.

"Azazel at least talk to him."

Azazel gritted his teeth and shook his head.

"I have nothing to say —"

"You were right, I was coward for leaving, for not saving you, for hurting Raphie."

Azazel nodded at him.

"You were suppose to take care of him, to keep him safe. I trusted you Gabriel!"

Gabriel sighed and gave Raphael an apologetic look, he didn't think he'd like to hear him berate Azazel.

Raphael shook his head, he wasn't going to stay and hear this.

"I'll be back, please don't break any furniture."

"You're not worried we'll kill each other?"

Azazel asked.

Raphael shook his head.

"You both love each other too much to do that."

He flew off.

"You broke his heart Azazel. I should be telling you that, you were suppose to make him happy, not hurt him. I trusted you."

Gabriel said gently, he tried and failed to keep the edge out of his voice. He still remembered how happy Raphael had been when Azazel agreed to be his mate.

Gabriel meant what he said, he loved Azazel but he couldn't say he was okay with the way he had acted toward the healer in the end.

Azazel hung his head.

"I know. I'm sorry."

He whispered sagging to his knees and shuffled toward Gabriel.

"I'm sorry."

He said again.

"For leaving Raphael, for hating you —"

Gabriel blinked.

"You have every right to hate me Azzy, I should have helped you."

"They would have killed you."

He pointed out.

Gabriel shrugged.

"I would have died either way, the least I could have done was save you."

Azazel nodded. He examined his hands as he asked.

"How are you otherwise? What are pagans like? Are they as terrible as everyone makes them out to be?"

Gabriel laughed in relief recognizing the questions for what they were — acceptance. They weren't perfect but maybe they could learn to be.

Gabriel grinned and pulled Azazel into his lap.

"Other than that I'm good, the Pagans are... different. I'll take you to Asgard one day, you'll like it, it's very pretty and they have a horse that has eight legs."

Azazel snorted leaning into his touch.

"Pagans are weird."

Gabriel chuckled softly and nodded, kissing his temple.

"Yeah they are."

"I'm glad you're back. I missed you."

Azazel said softly after a while.

Gabriel held him tighter.

"I missed you too, I'm glad your back Azazel. It wouldn't have been the same without you."

Azazel closed his eyes.

"So does this mean I have to be nice to Castiel?"

Gabriel snorted, running a hand through his wing.

"You always have to be nice to Castiel, he's your little brother."

"He hasn't been nice to me though. He hurt all of you."

"He didn't hurt me Azzy."

Gabriel pointed out softly.

"Yes he did. I remember when you told me he's your favorite, I know you didn't just get involved with the Winchesters because you like Humanity."

"Love Humanity, but I get what your saying. Though it's not like it will make a difference. I don't think he'll trust me again."

Azazel looked up at him.

"Are you sure I have to be nice to him?"

He asked again.

"Yes. And he needs to be nice to you too. You're brothers."

He said firmly.

Azazel snorted and looked away.

"It doesn't feel like it."

"That's because you both don't know each other."

Azazel shrugged.

Gabriel bit his lip.

"Azazel is there any other reason you're angry at me?"

"Not really. I - it's going to take a while for me to relax around you Gabriel that's all."

Gabriel nodded.

"I'm patient."

Azazel snorted at him.

"You're really not."

Gabriel grinned.

"You're right. So what do you say this weekend we help Raphael bake something?"

Azazel titled his head in confusion, his gaze going unfocused as he tried to see if he'd forgotten an important date.

Gabriel shook his head and chuckled before he gently tweaked Azazel's nose.

"You didn't forget anything, I just thought it would be fun. Just us three, no Winchesters or Castiel."

Azazel gave a hesitant smile and nodded.

"Okay, let's do it. What should we make?"

Gabriel tilted his thinking before he shrugged.

"Why don't we let Raphael pick? I don't think he's ever tried human food."

Azazel grinned.

"Deal, but it has to have chocolate in it."

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"Obviously. If it didn't have any chocolate it wouldn't be worth baking."

Azazel chuckled and nodded.

"Exactly."

Gabriel held him closer for another moment before gently moving him off his lap.

They both stood Gabriel stretched his wings.

"Going back to your humans?"

Gabriel shook his head.

"Going to bite the blade and talk to them. Who do you think I should start with?"

"Lucifer he and Raphael have been spending a lot of time together so he might be a little more receptive to you than Michael."

Gabriel nodded.

"Have you been talking to him?"

"Michael?"

Gabriel nodded. He remembered how Azazel and he used to spend some evenings walking around the garden and talking.

Azazel shook his head.

"I don't even really know what to say to him let alone how to get him to open up to me."

Gabriel nodded.

"Well I don't know how to do that with Luce. But I'm going to try and so are you."

Gabriel grasped Azazel's hand as Azazel tried to get out of the grip.

"Wait Gabriel this is bad idea. Gabriel! Gabriel let me go! Gabby!!"

Gabriel smiled and set him down in front of Michael's Heaven.

"Good luck Azzy."

Gabriel said tweaking his nose again before going to Lucifer's Heaven.

Gabriel slowly opened the door and eased into Lucifer's Heaven, it was quiet, he noted the sky was different but no less beautiful.

He walked toward the manor, taking the steps two at a time and slipping inside.

He rolled his eyes, the inside was still as opulent as he remembered it to be.

"Who needs marble stairs? We can fly!"

Gabriel muttered as he nonetheless walked up the stairs. He paused on the landing hearing voices from down the hall.

"Raphie what's a claim?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes, oh honestly.

"Seriously Luce where were you when they were courting each other?"

Gabriel asked poking his head into the room. Raphael and Lucifer looked up from the bed.

Raphael was sitting at the head of the bed reading while Lucifer lay lengthwise on the bed, his feet resting on the floor.

"Gabriel. Welcome."

Gabriel nodded at Lucifer.

"How did it go? Do I need to go and get more furniture?"

Raphael asked going back to his book.

Gabriel shook his head.

"Nah, it went as well as I expected. By the way, we're baking something this weekend, what do you want to bake?"

Raphael looked up and titled his head thinking.

Lucifer tapped his foot getting Raphael's attention.

"Try making a Chocolate Mousse Cake. It's good."

Raphael shrugged and nodded before he turned to Gabriel and gestured to Lucifer.

"What he said."

Gabriel bit back the urge to huff in annoyance.

"So, Raphie, you staying or...?"

"Hmm?"

Raphael looked up blinking in confusion. Lucifer chuckled.

"I think what our lovely little brother is trying to say is that he's going to yell at me and wants to know if you want to hear or not."

Gabriel glared at him.

He could speak for himself, he didn't need Lucifer to translate.

Raphael sighed and stood, flexing his wings as he did so.

"Good luck Bird."

He said dropping a kiss to Gabriel's cheek as he passed. He paused at the doorway and turned to Lucifer.

He waited for Lucifer to meet his eyes.

"And Star? Remember it's okay."

Lucifer gave a small smile and nodded.

"Thanks Flower."

Raphael gave a small smile, his wings unfurling.

"Oh Raphie Azazel is talking to Michael."

Gabriel said remembering suddenly.

Raphael rose his eyebrows but nodded. He gave him one last smile of encouragement before flying off.

"So... you two seem to be thick as thieves again."

Gabriel noted coming to sit in the rolling chair next to Lucifer's desk.

Lucifer sat up and smirked.

"Careful little brother, jealousy isn't a good color on anyone, least of all of on a little Bird."

Gabriel huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Not jealous, just didn't expect it."

Lucifer hummed crossing his legs.

"Why? Did you think he'd be hiding under Michael's wings?"

Gabriel glared at him.

"Okay I get you're annoyed at me for getting your way, but what's with the hostility? I didn't say anything yet."

Lucifer sighed harshly and stood up.

"You want to know why I doted on him more than you?"

Gabriel's throat went dry, and he looked away.

He loved Raphael, he did, but he remembered being so jealous of him. Of the attention that Lucifer used to give him.

"It doesn't matter, that was a long time ago."

"Yet I can tell you still don't understand why."

Gabriel huffed and sat back in the chair crossing his arms.

"Alright lay it on me, why?"

"He was so sensitive, so shy, he'd take every word to heart, I think he still does."

Lucifer said thoughtfully.

" _Lucifer_."

Gabriel pressed. He didn't come here to discuss Raphael.

Lucifer blinked and looked at him.

"I doted on him because he needed the extra reassurance."

Gabriel blinked, he suddenly vividly remembered an incident where Lucifer yelled at him for making Raphael cry — when the only thing Gabriel had done was pinch him.

Gabriel's eyes narrowed.

"You didn't dote on him, you were overprotective, you yelled at me for pinching him! _Pinching_ him! You coddled him!"

He wasn't sure why he was so mad it was a long time ago still Gabriel somehow felt cheated. Of course he had had Michael but Michael, if he was being honest wasn't really that fun to play with. He remembered how mad he'd used to get when Raphael would hog Lucifer.

It wasn't fair!

Lucifer's laugh brought Gabriel back to the present.

"You sound like Michael, he used to say that."

"It's true."

Gabriel said glumly.

Lucifer smiled and walked over to Gabriel ruffling his hair.

"You had me later though remember? We played pranks, and snuck out at night to explore."

Gabriel gave a small smile and nodded.

"While this trip down memory lane is riveting, is there a point you're trying to make?"

Lucifer sighed and sat at the edge of his bed.

"I don't want you both to fight over me."

Gabriel blinked at him in disbelief.

"Do you really think we'd both act that child—"

"One of the first things Raphael said to me when I told him we hadn't talked yet is 'not to even plan one of your pranks'. And you the first thing you said to me when he left was 'you two seem to be thick as thieves again'."

Lucifer paused and gave him an amused smile.

"You can see how it seems to me right? I mean even back then it's not like I didn't see it."

Gabriel looked away, this wasn't how the conversation was suppose to go. But he wasn't going to change it... it was kind of nice to get this out in the open, even if it had been literally 13 billion years.

"Why didn't you do anything?"

Lucifer shrugged.

"Dad thought it best you both figure it out on your own."

Gabriel nodded he didn't know what to say to that.

"I hated it."

Gabriel looked up in surprise as he heard the angery tone from Lucifer. Lucifer wasnt looking at him preferring to stare at the wall in front of him.

"I _hated_ I couldn't interfere and stop you from picking on him. I _hated_ I couldn't stop him from goading you till you snapped."

He sighed harshly and fell back onto his bed staring at the ceiling.

"What about Michael, I mean I know he wouldn't go against Dad but —"

"He hated it just as much as I did but by the time he finally let me get involved you both had somehow found some common ground."

"Drawing."

Gabriel recalled.

"It was drawing. We used to lie on our backs and connect the stars together to make different things. It started out as a competition, but soon turned into building on each other's pictures till it made a little story."

He looked up to see Lucifer watching him and nodding.

"Makes sense, you both liked stories and were creative, it was a good combination of both."

"We're not going to fight over you."

Gabriel said again more firmly.

Lucifer shrugged.

"I hope not, I'd hate to have to choose between you two."

Gabriel rolled his eyes as Lucifer smirked at him.

"Whatever, can I yell at you now?"

"Go for it."

Gabriel turned back but as he met Lucifer's eyes, his angry drained out of him leaving wariness.

" _How could you_? How could you allow yourself to do that?"

Lucifer eyes filled with pain.

"I don't know. You were in my way, I - I just reacted."

Gabriel looked away.

"Did it hurt you at all?"

"Yes. Yes of course it did. It killed me, I —"

"I doubt it, you didn't care enough to stay then, what's different now?"

Lucifer groaned falling back onto the bed at Gabriel's tone.

"Gabriel it's not like I knew he'd throw me out. I just —"

"Yeah but when he did, you did nothing. Did you even miss us?"

Lucifer had eyes closed at Gabriel's next question he squeezed them.

"Yes. Yes I missed you both everyday."

Gabriel blinked and paused his tirade.

"Both? You do realize —"

"I know you know that I missed Michael, you're more concerned if I missed you and Raphael right?"

Gabriel swallowed and nodded.

"Yes."

He said verbally when he remembered Lucifer had his eyes closed.

Gabriel cleared his throat.

"How could you do that? I idolized, I needed you and you just up and left."

"You're acting as if I woke up one day and decided to break your heart. That's just the way events unfolded Gabriel."

Gabriel wilted a little but didn't back down.

"Fine when you saw me, why didn't you stop then? Why go through with it? Why just... I don't know.. take a moment to say hi?"

Lucifer opened his eyes and blinked at him.

"You wanted to stop my rampage of the Pagans and sit down and talk with you? Were you even paying attention to what was happening around you Gabriel?"

Gabriel's hands clenched.

"Don't do that."

Lucifer sat up and looked at him.

"Do what?"

"Treat me like a fledging."

"Don't act like one."

Gabriel rose and glared at him.

"Why do you do that? Why can't you just apologize and admit you were wrong? Why is that so fucking hard for you?"

"I've spent years and years wallowing in anger and isolation. My apologies if I'm not jumping at the opportunity to play house with you."

Gabriel's eyes flashed amber.

"You're an asshole."

Lucifer's eyes turned cold.

"Watch your tongue."

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"If you can't even get along with me for ten minutes how are you and Raphael able to spend hours talking?"

He cocked his hip and crossed his arms and waited.

Lucifer sent him a smirk.

"Raphael didn't ask me to apologize. For leaving. I mean he did say he's never going to forgive me what I did to you, but then I don't forgive myself either so..."

Lucifer trailed off and shrugged.

"You don't forgive yourself?"

Gabriel asked quietly.

Lucifer sent him an odd look.

"Of course not, I swore I'd never cause any of my brothers more pain and I broke that promise."

Gabriel blinked at him.

"When did you swear that?"

Lucifer averted his eyes.

"After the war, when Dad tried to give her to Michael."

Gabriel shuddered. His eyes closing as he saw it all play again — the inky blackness, the suffocating weight of her everywhere...

Gabriel opened his eyes, they were glassy.

"I - I didn't know you swore that."

Lucifer shrugged.

"I never told anyone, not even Michael. But I failed. I broke you all. I —"

"Don't do that. Don't play the victim. You can't fall apart, we didn't. Let us hold you up. Let me hold you up."

Lucifer looked at him.

"Can you? Are you sure you're strong enough? Gabriel I killed you, I broke Raphael, I shattered you. You have every right to hate me, to never want to speak to me. So why are you?"

Gabriel slowly came to sit next to him.

"I missed you, I missed all of you. I hated it."

He paused and said nodded.

"I believe you. I believe that you couldn't live without us. So why you let yourself believe we can't live without you?"

Lucifer shook his head, his voice was barely a whisper, still it sent a shock through Gabriel.

"You can't live without Samael."

He looked up and met Gabriel's eyes.

"Samael is dead Gabriel. He's been slowly dying for eons. He died a little when he saw he cherished older brother scream in agony on the ground, because he was being blamed for something that hadn't been his fault, being forced to accept a brand he didn't deserve — a brand Samael gladly accepted in his stead. He died a little more when his brothers began to grow up and not need him as much. When his little Bird began to explore with another angel, an angel with an smile like the sun. He died a little more when his Flower found someone else to smile for and talk with."

Gabriel swallowed, he'd never thought Azazel had made that much of an impression on him.

"Did you hate Azazel that much?"

Lucifer ignored him.

"Samael died a little more when his precious Prince found someone else to talk with, spare with... explore love with."

Gabriel blinked at him now thoroughly confused but he held his tongue.

Lucifer took a breath and looked at Gabriel again.

"Samael nearly died when his Father found something else to call his favorite and make things for."

Humanity. Gabriel thought. He's talking about humanity.

Lucifer scratched his right wrist absentmindedly.

"Samael was lonely, everyone around him was happy, so he finally decided to listen the incessant voice whispering in his head."

" _ **No**_."

Gabriel breathed. He mentally chastised himself. It's not like he didn't know how this would end.

Lucifer nodded.

"Samael liked the voice, she was saying everything he'd been too scared to think. She told him how to finally get his family's attention again. A simple plan, she said. It would be easy she said. All Samael had to do was convince those two to eat a fruit. A small, little fruit."

Gabriel gave a strangled sob, he hated this. He wanted to hear this. Why was Lucifer telling him this?

Lucifer licked his lips and spoke again.

"Samael died a little more when he saw all the blood around him, hearing the cries of his father, of the angel at his feet that begged him to tell everyone it was a mistake. That it wasn't like that, that he didn't want the Star when he could have a Prince, a king. Samael said nothing."

"Gadreel, you're talking about Gadreel."

Gabriel breathed, Lucifer flinched his only indication this whole time he'd heard a word Gabriel had said.

"Samael was hanging by a thread when the Prince finally came for him. Oh he looked so broken, so haunted, already Samael knew the cries and pleas of his little angel would echo in his head for eons. But Samael didn't back down, see he felt separated from them. He couldn't feel their pain anymore. It was like he was looking through a smokescreen."

Gabriel was shaking, his hand was over his mouth to keep himself quiet. He wasn't sure what this was, but wasn't about to try to ruin it. He didn't think anyone had ever asked Lucifer what the mark had been like, how she had been like.

Now he knew.

It was terrible, evil, and how could Dad in his right mind feel anything other than hatred for her?

What was there to love about her?

"Samael was dying as he fell from his home in the sky. As he was falling she left him, she let him see what he'd done for her. All the pain, all the blood, all the tears he had spread for her. She only laughed as he screamed for her to help him."

He swallowed and spoke again.

"Samael died when he hit the ground. He remade himself into everything he knew his brothers and Father could hate. For he'd hurt them and he knew the only thing stronger than love was hate. Maybe if they hated him enough he could hate them back."

He stood up and walked to the small window. He placed a hand on the ledge. His back to Gabriel.

"He took the name Lucifer to add insult to injury. To prove to everyone that not only was Samael was gone, in his place stood someone who wouldn't let something as frivolous as love or family get in his way."

His hand curled slightly on the ledge.

"He saved a twisted thing with yellow eyes to break his Flower even further. Then... then, a man had come and taken her away from him. This newly emerged Lucifer character was taken and tossed into a cage, where it was so cold.

Where Heaven and Father had been warm. Where she had been like molasses her presence at times consoling. This new place was cold and devoid of anything but him and his thoughts. He felt naked so he clothed himself in layers of anger. Almost forgetting why he was doing anything in the first place, he let his own anger now blind him and shatter anyone in his path."

Lucifer blinked and looked at Gabriel, his eyes a thousand miles away.

"To hurt his beloved Prince and precious  Flower, and maybe just to snub that weak entity Samael a little more he took from them all their sweet singing Bird. Thinking then, yes _finally_. _**Finally**_ he'd break them like he'd been broken. They'd hate him like he hated him."

He took a step toward Gabriel.

"But something happened then, the Bird showed him that even after everything he still loved him. As he would come to later realize so did the Prince and the Flower. Even his Father still loved him. So I ask you, what was the point? What was the point of Samael's death if you all can still love his killer?"

Gabriel couldn't take it anymore and shot to his feet.

"You are both one in the same! I'll always love Lucifer because he's Samael. I'll always love Samael because he's Lucifer. No matter what you do I'll always love you." 

"Get _out_."

Gabriel reeled backward.

"Luce, come on don't do this. It doesn't matter, we're all —"

Lucifer's eyes flashed.

"Don't you get it? You can't love both. One killed the other. Samael isn't coming back Gabriel, he's dead and he's never coming back. Lucifer is all you have. Lucifer is all you'll ever have."

Gabriel nodded his eyes determined.

"Okay, okay then I'll get to know Lucifer. I'll learn to love him."

Lucifer took a step back and glared at him.

"Why would you? Did Samael mean that little to you that you'd just replace him with his murder? Is it that easy for you?"

Gabriel blinked and took a deep breath. He wished he had Raphael's mind for this. Raphael was good with mind games, he on the other hand just got a headache.

He thought of it from his point of view, making The Trickster and Gabriel to different people, letting himself believe that The Trickster killed Gabriel. Allowing him to hear how the words he'd said to Lucifer were instead to said to him.

He inwardly cringed. That's not what he had meant, he had simply been trying to reassure Lucifer.

But what if Gabriel hadn't died by The Trickster's hand? What if instead he'd survived and hid? What if The Trickster wasn't even to blame at all? Instead of him being a murder he'd come to take Gabriel's place. What if he instead he had become a shield for Gabriel to hide behind — an immobile, impenetrable, wall strong enough to take all the verbal, physical, and emotional attacks in Gabriel's stead?

Gabriel blinked and swallowed. He took a step toward Lucifer.

"Samael isn't dead Star, he's just hiding like Gabriel had. Remember he had called himself The Trickster?"

Lucifer blinked at him before slowly nodding.

"See Gabriel was afraid then. He was scared of what would happen to him since he ran away from his family. So The Trickster appeared and saved him. He hid him from anything that could harm him."

"If Samael is alive why can't I feel him? Why hasn't he appeared yet? He has his family back so shouldn't he be back as well?"

Gabriel blinked slowly shaking his head.

"It took a long time for me - I mean for Gabriel to get there. To allow The Trickster to leave, to let in all the emotions and pain he'd hidden from."

"Whenever Samael is ready, we'll all be waiting."

Lucifer's eyes filled with trepidation and what appeared to be the tiniest glimmer of hope.

"What if he doesn't remember how to come back?"

Gabriel took another step toward Lucifer outstretching his hand.

"Then I'll help him. I'll go as slow as he wants me too. But all he has to do is ask and I'll be there, okay?"

Lucifer blinked at him before slowly nodding.

"Okay."

His voice sounded so small, Gabriel's heart broke a little.

He slowly moved till he could gently pull Lucifer into his arms. Much to his surprise Lucifer reciprocated, holding onto him tightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm _so_ , _**so**_ , sorry little Shadow. I —"

Gabriel burrowed his head in Lucifer's neck, he hadn't heard his big brother call him that since he was a fledging.

"I know, I know, I forgive you. I love you Samael."

Lucifer tensed before holding him tighter. Slowly he pulled away and smiled at him. Gabriel's breath caught he hadn't seen that smile in eons.

A smile of unconditional love, amusement, and happiness.

Samael blinked at him collapsing against the desk.

"Well that was therapeutic, honestly I think you gave the Winchesters a run for their money. So where are you going next? Back to tell Flower the latest development?"

Gabriel blinked at him, his eyes scanning him, trying to memorize him. He looked so free, as if the weights around him was gone. His face looked youthful, that glimmer of hope was a little brighter now.

"Hello? Earth to Gabriel? Do I need to get the smelling sweets?"

Gabriel burst out into nearly hysterical laughter falling to the floor, he had completely forgotten Samael's love of turning phrases.

"If - if you do how do you know it will even work? I like sweets remember? Whose to say I won't do anything so I can keep just smelling them?"

Samael stared at him with that amused smile for a moment longer before crouching down to his level.

"Simple if you don't come back I'll just eat them all, and make sure there's none left for you."

He finished with a youthful smile gently quirking Gabriel's nose.

Gabriel laughed.

"Well if that's the case I'm going to have come back right?"

"Glad we're on the same wing little Bird. So you never told me where are you going after this?"

Gabriel grinned getting to his feet he said,

"Michael. Might at as well talk to him..."

He trailed off as he stood up and met Samael's eye. Samael had vanished, Lucifer fixed him with a cool look.

"Tell me how that goes, rumor is he's using his time to bond with the other angels."

"Isn't that what you've been doing?"

Gabriel pointed out.

Lucifer smirked and shrugged.

"Yes, but I'm actually spending my time getting to know the useful ones."

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, speaking of which I'll let Uriel know your up for that coffee meet-up after all."

Lucifer blinked at him in confusion.

"What Coffee Meet-Up?"

Gabriel gave a slow grin as Lucifer's eyes narrowed.

"Gabriel what have you done?"

"Nothing! Don't worry about it! Be in The Garden by 9 tomorrow morning!"

Gabriel called as he flew off, laughing as he ducked Lucifer's arms.

He took a couple deep breaths as he leaned against Lucifer's door, a grin finding his way onto his face.

Samael was still there, there was hope for him after all.

He turned to see Azazel exiting Michael's Heaven.

"How is he?"

Azazel sighed and leaned against Gabriel.

"Exhausted, he had a kitten named Mazel."

Gabriel blinked at the randomness of that but nodded.

"Okay. Anything else?"

Azazel blinked at him.

"Can we make Chocolate Chip Cookies?"

Gabriel smiled and nodded ruffling hair.

"Sure thing Azzy!"

Azazel whined and pulled away.

"Don't do that, now I have to style it again. I hate you."

"Love you too!"

Gabriel called as he flew off.

He turned and blinked as he saw Michael framed in the doorway, his face unreadable.

"Hey Michael. What's wrong?"

Michael motioned him inside before shutting the door and walking toward his Tudor home.

"I don't trust him."

Gabriel blinked and ran to keep up.

"Come on its Azzy, he won't do anything to bad. Besides he's our little brother, even if he's annoying we still have to love him."

Michael cast him a look.

"I never said I didn't love him, I just said I don't trust him. Don't worry it's nothing exclusive to him. I don't trust you or Lucifer either."

Gabriel scowled as Michael turned away and began to walk away again.

"Seriously why? I mean I came back didn't I? I —"

"You're not listening. I'm overjoyed you're back Bird, but that doesn't mean I'll ever trust that you'll still be tomorrow morning."

Gabriel's eyes flashed and he pulled Michael backward till he was facing him.

"I'm starting to think that nickname is an insult. I'm sorry I walked aw—"

"You didn't walk away, don't you dare try to trivialize what you did to us, to me. You left, you _**abandoned**_ us, you _abandoned me_ Gabriel."

He titled his head.

"You claim I don't open enough to you, do you still want me to?"

Gabriel gulped but nodded. This day couldn't get anymore weirder.

"I had just cast out one little brother for his dissidence. I had to watch as another crumbled because he still loved a traitor."

Gabriel flinched.

Michael continued onward.

"And then I had to learn to from Anna of all angels that you were gone."

Gabriel swallowed.

"Why? I mean I get your hurt that I wa—left. But it's not like we were close then. We never really were Michael, why does —"

"Does it matter? You were still my little brother, my baby brother. I still missed your presence Gabriel. What kind of question is that to ask me?"

Gabriel stiffened the anger finally flaring.

"Really? Is that such an odd question? With your track record I'm surprised you even noticed one missing living little brother form the scores of dead ones."

Michael's eyes flashed gold, in a blur of motion he slammed Gabriel's head against a tree.

"I will not be spoken to like that. I —"

"You're what? My brother? That guy died when he allowed all of us to break apart and kill each other. Or were you going to say general of Heaven? Because I will never follow that monster."

Michael's eyes widened and he took a step back.

"Is that how you really think of me?"

"I don't what do you think? How could you allow Lucifer to not only be cast out but to die by your hand? How could allow Raphael to brainwash them? How could you allow me to die Prince?"

Gabriel's anger broke and he started to shake as the sobs racked through him.

Michael moved toward him on instinct but Gabriel pushed him away and moved to stand a couple feet away.

"How could you let me be a pawn? How could stand by and watch me die?"

Michael swallowed.

"I - I don't know. I was so far gone by then, I - I kept thinking it was a test, that it was good for Heaven, that if you weren't joining us you were as good as gone like him."

"I loved them! I died for them! I bowed for them! Am I seriously the only one of us who loves them?"

"Why do you? They are only a reminder of all the pain we have endured. None of this would have happened if they hadn't been created and you know it."

Gabriel blinked in shock, he'd never heard Michael so much as no to Dad, this -this mounted to near blasphemy coming from him.

Something was very, very wrong.

"Michael are - are you okay?"

Michael shook his head sliding to his knees.

"I'm not blind Gabriel, I saw the way you both used to fight over him. How even know, after everything you both still gravitate toward him. Why was I never allowed that? Why was I never fought over?"

Gabriel blinked opening and closing his mouth.

"You wouldn't have liked it, you would have put a stop to it almost as soon as it started."

It seemed to be the wrong thing to say as Michael curled inward, placing his head in his hands.

"Do you know me Gabriel? I know we were never close, but do you know me at all?"

Gabriel blinked at him in confusion.

"I know you used to watch the animals on earth, that you love watching stars, that you loved to read."

He sat down in front of him and swallowed. Now came the more personal ones.

"I know you for some reason allowed Azazel to listen to your rants. I know you loved Gadreel."

Michael stiffened but didn't say anything.

"Is that all?"

Gabriel bit back the urge to ask what else was there.

"I love cats, they're my favorite animal. I liked talking to Azazel because he would be unbiased, I loved Gadreel because he saw something in me none of you did."

"What?"

"Fear. He saw how terrified I was of making a mistake. He saw the weight of Heaven weighed on me. A weight I allowed Raphael to unfairly shoulder. A weight you should have helped me with Gabriel. We needed you and you abandoned us. Whose to say you won't do it again?"

He finally looked up at him.

Gabriel swallowed and leaned over to take Michael's hands.

"Never again. I promise. Never again am I leaving, I won't become like Dad Michael, I am going to stop pretending that it wasn't my fault. I should I have stayed, I should of been there. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry."

He felt the guilt suddenly crush him, he felt like he was drowning. He closed his eyes and let it. Let the fear, the anger, the pain — all of that pain and loss weigh on his wings.

He let Michael's hands go, he wanted to feel this all on his own. He wanted to drown.

He took a deep breath and let it go. He wasn't The Trickster, he wasn't going to hide anymore. He didn't need the persona anymore, he was strong and he was ready to face it all.

He opened his eyes to see Michael watching him.

"You're right I don't know you, why don't we change that? You deserved to be fought over Michael, you deserve to be cherished and loved."

He extended a hand to Michael.

"Will you let me fight for you?"

Michael slowly nodded, pulling Gabriel into a crushing a hug.

"I'm so, so, sorry Gabriel. I should have intervened, I should have stopped it all."

Gabriel nodded, holding him back just as tightly.

"I know and it's okay, I forgive you. I love you Prince."

Michael sniffed.

"I love you and forgive you too, little Bird."


	14. No More: Masks (Part I)

Castiel turned over the chocolate chip cookie in his hand, half hearing as Gabriel chattered on about his weekend.

"Yeah I know. Then Raphael hit Azazel with flour and it devolved into an all out war, one I won of course."

Sam snorted and shook his head as he was typing. Dean wasn't listening content to watch Castiel. A fact Castiel was trying to ignore.

*******

_"Cass, I - I —"_

_He swore and looked away before taking a deep breath and looking back at him._

_"I love you Castiel."_

*******

Castiel closed his eyes, he wished he had said it back. He felt it, of course he loved Dean but .... but...

His eyes settled on Gabriel's sparkling eyes, that warm laughter.... his wings twitched. He wasn't an idiot. He knew if Gabriel wanted him he wouldn't share him, angels were territorial about their mates, archangels probably more so.

Castiel stood and put the cookie on the table.

"I want to talk to him."

The room went quiet and Gabriel looked at him for a long moment before nodding.

"Okay, come on."

Castiel wasn't surprised that Gabriel had known what happened the last time Castiel and Azazel actually talked, he was surprised when he was taken to a small house in Europe.

Gabriel walked in.

"Raph?"

"In here."

Raphael looked up from the book he had been reading. Castiel's eyes fell to Azazel who was asleep curled against him.

"Castiel wants to talk to him."

Gabriel said gesturing to Azazel.

Raphael sighed and nodded.

"Good."

He gently nudged Azazel's arm.

"Love time to get up. Gabriel has someone who wants to talk to you."

Azazel's eyes opened a crack falling onto Castiel before he closed them and disappeared, reappearing on the other side of the room.

"Well Spitfire, what's up?"

Castiel's hands clenched and he frowned.

"Don't call me that."

"Why not? You're my little brother, I get to give you a nickname it's in the rules."

Castiel took a deep breath briefly closing his eyes before looking back at him.

"You lied, you do care about something, someone. Gadreel."

Azazel stiffened.

"Your point being?"

Castiel smirked at him.

"My point is, he hated talking about the Garden, about anything to do with that time, what makes he thinks he wants to talk to you? You—"

Castiel gasped as he felt his head hit the wall, a sword at his throat.

"Why you're Gabriel's favorite is beyond me, you're nothing Castiel, no one needs you. God, our brothers, the Winchesters use you like a dog and you lap it up because your pathetic —"

"Alright enough."

Gabriel pulled them apart, they glared at each other.

Gabriel sighed.

"Would it kill you both to get along?"

"Probably."

Azazel said crossing his arms.

Castiel shook his wings.

"Why do we have to? He's nothing but a —"

"You helped him Castiel, have you forgotten that?"

Raphael finally spoke up.

Castiel glared at him.

"I haven't, I only helped him because he asked me not because I have any love for him."

"That's enough."

Azazel and Castiel stiffened as they saw Gabriel glare at them. He sighed before rubbing his temples.

"This isn't about wether you two like each other or not. And as to why I want you two to get along? Raphael and I haven't spoke to each other in eons and I'd really like that to stop now, and I like you both and if you two can't get along, we'll never be able to talk comfortably. So I'm going to ask you both once what the real is you don't like each other. Azazel go first."

"He thinks his human family is better than his angelic one and that pisses me off."

Gabriel nodded and turned to Castiel.

"Castiel?"

"Heaven allowed him home after all the terrible things he's done and can't be bothered to look at me."

Gabriel nodded.

"Okay I have a solution. Azazel help Castiel get back into everyone'a good graces and Castiel help Azazel stop picking a fight with everyone."

At Castiel's confused look, Raphael spoke again.

"They didn't open their arms to him because they love him Castiel, they're afraid of him. He flaunts his power. He uses his influence to keep everyone quiet, a trait while admirable needs to stop if we're going to be a family again."

Raphael was looking at Azazel expectantly who glared at him before begrudgingly nodding.

"Fine, let's get this over with. When do we start?"

Castiel nodded as well and sent Azazel a cool look.

"Yes the sooner we do this the better."

"That's the sprit."

Gabriel said sarcastically with fake cheer.

"How about now?"

He snapped them to Heaven.

Azazel dusted himself off as they appeared. Castiel watched him and stood up.

Azazel spun and turned to smile at Naomi.

"Well hello, how are you?"

She glared at him.

"Why?"

"That's a loaded question sister. Care to be specific?"

Castiel looked between them in slight confusion.

"Why are you here? Raphael isn't —"

"My world doesn't revolve around him."

Naomi hissed.

"It should, he's better than any of the rest of them."

Castiel stiffened but Azazel only nodded.

"Of course he is, he always was. What do you really want Naomi?"

Naomi took a step toward him.

"Break him again and I'll kill you, and that garrison of yours."

She looked to Castiel but didn't say anything. Naomi walked past him. Azazel watched her, his hands clasped behind his back.

"Well she certainly hasn't changed as much as I hoped. Still hoping for someone that was never nor will ever be hers. How _pathetic_."

He turned back to Castiel and gestured to the Axis Mundi.

"Shall we?"

Castiel nodded. He thought it best to let Azazel lead, if only because he really didn't want to be here.

"Azazel."

They had been walking a few moments when they heard a voice. Castiel stiffened, Tamiel glared down at them.

"Why are you with _that_?"

"Oh don't be like that Tamiel, and I'm only with him because Gabriel asked me to. Poor thing can't function without someone nearby."

Tamiel snorted as Castiel glared at Azazel.

"That's not true."

Azazel glanced at him but turned back as Tamiel glided toward them.

"You know he killed Raphael and Balthazar right?"

Azazel signed and nodded.

"Yes, I am aware. Pity Balthie had to die —"

"You knew Balthazar?"

Castiel asked interrupting him. Azazel nodded smiling softly.

"He used to follow me around when he was younger. Luce dubbed him my little shadow."

Azazel chuckled.

Tamiel looked between unimpressed.

"You still love those four then?"

"One is my mate, another my best friend and two others taught me to think and hold a sword. What do you think Tamiel?"

Azazel asked him. Tamiel sneered at him.

"We were mighty once, we were near invincible. Our names etched on our swords, our army 200 strong. What do I think? I think you are naive if you don't see that they'll all forget you like they did before. I think you're delusional if you honestly think _love_ will save you."

Castiel saw that Azazel's fingers dug into his palms, he was trying to control himself.

Azazel remained silent for a long moment.

"Tell me brother, how is that going for you? Hear what happened to your lovely Jane?"

Tamiel snarled at him lunging toward him.

Azazel rolled with him, his sword pinning Tamiel to the ground.

"My love aside, how were you stupid enough to let three _humans_ and a _seraph_ kill you? You're pathetic Tamiel."

He pushed off him, swinging his sword back as Tamiel lunged at him again.

"Azazel!"

Castiel turned to see Joshua flying quickly toward them. Joshua smiled and nodded to Castiel before glaring at the two Grigori.

"Really? In Heaven? Hasn't it seen enough bloodshed?"

Azazel only smiled in greeting, as Tamiel glared at him.

"Joshua, brother tell me how did you hear of this? There are no other angels nearby. Perhaps your plants?"

Joshua blinked and crossed his arms.

"Drop the sword Azazel."

They stared at each other before Azazel dropped it and Tamiel relaxed and flew off.

"Well Joshy I'm waiting."

"The plants, yes. Why what are you thinking?"

"Perhaps the garden remained beautiful not from your tending but from all the grace spilled here? Using that as nutrition? And as such is not just a structure in Heaven but something that has a slight consciousness of its own?"

Joshua blinked and titled his head.

"That is a fascinating idea... I will check on that."

He turned it look at something on the axis mundi and Azazel grabbed Castiel and flew them away.

Azazel let him go and beamed at Castiel.

Castiel looked back at him unimpressed.

"What was he looking at?"

Azazel shrugged.

"An illusion. If you want to be specific something shiny."

"Is this how you win arguments? Expose some insight and then distract them?"

Azazel shrugged.

"Luci used to say my greatest assist was my ability to think quickly."

"Is that why you came here?"

Castiel spun to see Lucifer appear nearby. Azazel nodded.

"Is that alright?"

Lucifer shrugged.

"I will say at least now I won't have to listen Michael drone on about his cat."

Castiel looked at Azazel with wide eyes.

"We're in the first Heaven?"

Azazel spread his arms wide.

"Welcome to the VIP section of Heaven Spitfire."

Castiel frowned.

"Don't call me that."

Lucifer smirked and titled his head.

"Azazel what have you been doing?"

He asked sending Azazel a pointed look.

Azazel gave him a small smile.

"Nothing too bad Luci, just getting reacquainted with my family."

Azazel and Castiel suddenly flashed away from Lucifer and into the bar.

Metatron looked up from the glowing sigils and ignored the blood oozing down his arm. He pointed to the tv on the wall.

"Look!"

They both turned to the TV, and Azazel sharply inhaled as Castiel stiffened.

In a diner somewhere on earth sat Chuck, looking up as a figure stood in front of him.

The figure was Gadreel.

"It just started. Chuck wanted me to watch to see first hand the impacts my actions had."

Metron said as Castiel and Azazel both slid in next to him and silently watched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear guys I'm not dead!! Thanks for waiting so patiently!! 
> 
> Also, the second part will take place after Chuck conversed with Gadreel so be on the look out for an update to Herald. :)


	15. No More Masks (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after Gadreel and Chuck talk.

Gadreel looked up as he heard the flap of wings.

"You're only friend?? What about me?"

Azazel asked appearing in front of them.

Gadreel narrowed his eyes to him.

"You call yourself my friend after what you've done? You chose him Azazel!"

"I survived Gadreel! I kept my promise I never said a bad word against you brother."

Gadreel shook his head moving toward him.

"You are not my brother."

Azazel flinched and stepped backward.

"What would you have had me do instead?"

"Repent! You knew the rules! Repent and come home!!"

"I did nothing wrong! We were told to bow to them! I did! I _loved_ them Gadreel!! Would you had rather I died? That was the only other alternative if I did not go with him."

"Yes, at least that way I could remember you as the Azazel I grew up with not as the angel who tortured his siblings, copulated with humans, and sided with the person who landed me in jail in the first place!!"

Azazel bowed his head and fell to his knees.

"I'm sorry."

He began to cry.

"I'm so sorry Gadreel."

Gadreel saw red, taking his blade he attacked him.

"Why won't you fight back? Are you a coward as Samyaza always said?"

"I don't deserve to raise my sword against the truth Gadreel."

He was cut up and bleeding, the gashes oozing blood and grace, Abner pulled Gadreel away from him.

Azazel whimpered at the look on Gadreel's face. He'd never seen him so angry. He hung his head again in shame.

"Just let him kill me Abner, it's what I deserve."

"No you deserve to live knowing I will never forgive you for your betrayal. You deserve to live knowing Castiel will be ten times the angel you are or will ever be."

Azazel began to sob, he'd never forgive him. _never;_  And after how excited he'd been to see him. How had it come to this?

He flew away, not to Heaven, he didn't deserve to go there or Earth, he flew to the Bowles of Hell, maybe if he became the thing Gabreel said he was he would forgive him.

Lucifer looked up as he saw him fly closer and closer to the pit of Hell. His eyes widened when he realized he wasn't stopping.

He took flight and yanked Azazel way. Azazel led out a kneen of anguish and clawed at him.

Biting and scratching at any piece of flesh he could, including his wings.

"Let me go! I need Gadreel to forgive me!!!"

Lucifer's heart sank Azazel didn't deserve to feel Gadreel's anger. He had just done what Lucifer had asked with the Winchesters. He pulled Azazel closer, his cold grace going through and healing him.

"I'm sorry Azazel."

Azazel slowly stopped struggling and turned to see Lucifer wide eyed. Lucifer never apologized.

Lucifer's eyes were wide, clear blue like the ocean.

"I raised you, I loved you. This shouldn't have happened. Not to you, not to him. I'm so sorry."

Azazel shook his head.

"No, I knew what I was doing. You saved me. You put me back together and brought me back from the brink of insanity. I needed you Lucifer, I still do. I'm sorry for leaving you."

Lucifer smiled softly, warmly. His face suddenly youthful.

"You don't need me, you have Raphael. Raphie needs you. Promise me you won't hurt him again Little Viper?"

Azazel bit back a sob, the only archangel who'd called him that was....

"S - Samael?"

Samael winked and kissed his temple.

"Don't tell anyone. Not yet, Gabriel is the only one who knows."

"O - okay."

He whispered, slightly dazed. He held Samael tighter, sighing when he could feel a tiny bit of warmth in his grace.

"We still love you, don't be afraid. Come home."

Samael laughed softly and nuzzled him.

"I will, one day soon. Today isn't that day."

Samael stood, gently depositing Azazel to his feet and wiping his tears away. He began to fade away.

"Remember, we love you Azazel. You are our Little Viper."

Azazel sniffed and nodded watching for the moment that Samael faded away and Lucifer appeared.

"So, Gabriel is the only one who knows?"

Lucifer nodded.

"I trust you can be discreet about this?"

Azazel nodded and smiled.

"Leave it to me Luce."

He winked and flew off, he leaned against a tree trying to comprehend everything.

Gadreel sighed dropping his sword and stepping away from Abner.

"I - I need a minute."

"Gadreel!"

Gadreel disappeared leaving Abner. He fell to his knees trying to breath. He remembered Azazel falling to his knees outside of his cell. Reaching for his hands, swearing he wouldn't believe the rumors. That he knew what Gadreel was capable of and this wasn't it.

_"I will never stop believing your innocence brother."_

And the next thing Gadreel knew Azazel had fallen and not only laid with humans he'd sided with Lucifer.

He closed his eyes trying to stave off a panic attack like Zadikel had taught him.

Of all the archangels, he may have been the most committed to The Host, why else would he step down and renounce he place as a archangel for someone like him? For an angel who was stupid enough to be tricked twice?

Gadreel clawed at his clothes, he needed out. This meat-suit, these clothes, they were all so confining. He broke free of the meat suit and flew over the world, moving faster than light around the earth trying to calm down.

The vessel's eyes flashed as he came back to consciousness.

"Naked as I left you. Still pretty."

Gadreel spun and stiffened.

"What do you want?"

Lucifer shrugged.

"You left Azazel in a pretty bad shape I —"

"He deserves it. Said he was loyal only to turn around and disobey and do far worse than I could have ever imagined. He was a sweet and loyal angel, kind and protective, you twisted him into a monster."

Ice frosted around them, Lucifer glared at him.

"He's not a monster, and I didn't twist him into anything. He was broken by his own mate —"

"Who he betrayed. Who locked him away. I can't fathom why he'd take someone like that back."

"Not everyone has your willpower Gadreel."

Lucifer said softly. Gadreel swallowed and looked away.

"He may not have my willpower but he does have my sense of Justice. You don't see me chasing michael down to talk. I washed my hands of him, of all of you. I want nothing to do with you archangels."

He flew away before Lucifer could say anything. He came into his home, Abner must have gone to see Joshua because he was alone.

He curled onto the bed. How had it come to this? Father wanted them to be a family again but... how could they? He doubted if any of his siblings even liked each other enough to get along.


	16. No More: Masks (Part III)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Spire - Heaven's Jail Building.  
> This is also the last part of Gadreel's focused arc. 
> 
> Next is Gabriel and Castiel, get ready for that roller coaster of fun!
> 
> Warning: Mentions of Rape.

Castiel watched as Azazel disappeared in a flurry of wings, he seemed agitated.

"They were close, grew up together."

Castiel nodded and stood. He flew off, he had nothing to say to Metatron.

He appeared in Raphael's home. His eyes widened as he saw Raphael and Gabriel hovering over Azazel who lay slightly dazed.

"You could have died Azazel! What were you thinking??"

Gabriel snapped at him. Azazel shook his head, reaching for Raphael's fingers.

"I - I wasn't. I'm sorry Gabriel, I just - how could he say things like that? I thought we were best friends? I thought we loved each other."

Raphael sighed and held his hand tightly.

Castiel frowned and looked at Gabriel.

"Everything okay?"

Gabriel huffed but nodded.

"He's fine Kiddo, just - the usual drama. Dad, that is sad."

Raphael ignored both of them, murmuring to Azazel in enochain who growled and wrenched away.

"Who knows what he's doing, he could be turning all of Heaven against me."

Castiel rolled his eyes. There was the Azazel he knew, good to know he was fine.

Michael shifted through the different screens on his monitor, watching his various siblings on earth. His throat tightened as he saw Gadreel.

He was happy for him, he truly was. It's not like he expected Gadreel to run to him with open arms. It's not like he expected them to continue where they left off like Azazel and Raphael had...

He pushed the monitor away and curled onto his bed. He sighed softly as he felt Mazel come to his side, the kitten brushed against his wings and climbing over him to snuggle in his arms.

He held the little purring creature close, burying his face in its fur.

If he was being honest, it was exactly what he had expected.

He suddenly stood. He wanted to go to his little world, but not alone he couldn't bare to be alone right now. He didn't trust Lucifer or Raphael and Gabriel to not ruin it. For various different reasons.

Raphael was probably the safest option but he would be agitated and worried about Azazel.

Lucifer would only make snide comments and pout that he never got his own world.

Gabriel would ruin it, he'd try to transform the animals and generally be a headache.

Michael frowned, was he being to hard on them all?

He shrugged. It didn't matter, it's not like either of them came to check on him.

He disappeared, going to The Spire and removed the heavy false wall, Mazel rushed on ahead, he knew where he was going.

Michael followed at a much slower pace. He closed his eyes trying to breath more slowly. It reminded him too much of the cage.

Today was a good day, some days it was hard for him to even think straight let alone get out of bed and lead.

Some days were worse, it would take all his effort to even remember where he was.

He grinned as he came to the cell.

Meshabber beamed moving to the front of the cage.

"Mica!"

Michael relaxed and eased through the cell door and held up a key that glowed with no light.

"Want to see the gift Dad gave me?"

Meshabber titled his head, petting Mazel absentmindedly in his arms.

"Daddy gave you a gift? Only one after everything?"

Michael chuckled his spirits already lifting.

"Yes. But it's my favorite, come on."

He took them to the world filled with cats. Meshabber gasped before laughing.

"They're all beautiful!! How do you stay away?"

"With great difficulty."

Gadreel sighed as he paced in his room. Had he been too hard on Azazel? He missed him. It had been so long since he'd seen him and while he'd done appalling things, he was still his best friend.

He groaned leaning against a wall. He flew to Europe. To a house in the countryside of France.

Raphael glared as he appeared. Azazel however was the one who spoke. It seemed he'd gone past denial to anger.

"Come to rub it in? How many of our siblings have you taken away from my influence?"

Gadreel leaned against a wall. His demure completely different from when he'd been first free. That had all been overwhelming. Azazel he understood.

"I haven't taken anyone away from you, I don't think you have anyone to influence."

Azazel rolled his eyes.

"I could do without the attitude."

"Now what fun would that be?"

Azazel growled softly. Gadreel only smiled innocently back.

They both stared at each other. Gadreel fought the urge to ruin whatever they were having but he needed to ask.

"Why?"

"He's my mate Gadreel."

"He locked you away."

"Yes, and I betrayed him. That's your and Michael's problem. Lucifer hurt you, seduced you, tricked you, all fancy words of saying he raped you and what does Michael do? He not only throws you away, he refuses to listen to you. He's pathetic."

Gadreel sighed and sat in a chair heavily.

"It wasn't rape."

"Did you want him to do it?"

"No but —"

"It was rape."

"It wasn't rape Azazel!"

"Why??"

"Because I _enjoyed_ it okay!!"

Gadreel snapped standing. He needed to get out of here, this was a mistake. He turned away from Azazel's wide eyes.

Castiel looked between them. He didn't understand their relationship. One minute they were friends another they were trying to break each other.

Azazel's face crumpled as Gadreel's wings opened.

"Wait, Gadreel don't leave."

He said softly moving toward him.

Gadreel shook his head.

"I can't do this with you. I - this was a mistake. I shouldn't have come."

A slow clap made them all turn to the kitchen to see Lucifer smirking at them.

Azazel hissed softly, cursing in enochain.

"What is it Lucifer? My house is a little busy for your presence at the moment."

Raphael spoke, a hand going to encircle Azazel's wrist to calm him down.

Gabriel sighed and moved to stand next to Castiel.

_*Hey kiddo.*_

Castiel stiffened, he'd never had a one-on- one conversation with an archangel like this. It was so intimate.

_*H - Hello Gabriel.*_

Gabriel smiled satisfied with the response and turned to look at Lucifer.

Lucifer nodded at Raphael.

"I know, which is why I'm going to help you. Gadreel and Azazel, I may not have raised you both, but I did appoint you both to my garrison. You two were some of my best Grigori."

They two angels in question exchanged a wary glance. Where was he going with this?

"Which is why, I'm going to try to help you both salvage this relationship."

Lucifer continued when they looked back at him.

Gadreel crossed his arms and glared at Lucifer.

"How?"

Lucifer snapped his fingers bringing them to a large field.

"With a fun training exercise that Castiel most certainly hasn't done."

Castiel frowned and gave him a cold look. Lucifer smirked at him.

"I'm only saying that because even back then it was considered dangerous and for experienced angel soldiers. Michael almost certainly would've banned it after everything."

He snapped his fingers again, two doorways appeared. Castiel watched as Azazel and Gadreel both blinked in surprise before sliding into a running stance.

Gadreel sighed and switched his angel blade for a full Grigori sword, he ignored Azazel's smile.

"Go."

Lucifer said.

They both moved and sprinted through the doorway. A large tv appeared in front of Lucifer, he beckoned his brothers toward him.

As Castiel came closer he saw an aerial shot of what looked to be a maze.

Castiel gasped.

"The Mazes?"

Lucifer was right, they had been banned. He remembered in those early days seeing one old maze. They'd toured one as Younglings. The walls were hard and the paths dark and twisting. Apparently they'd been used for different areas of fighting. To pinpoint different areas of skills.

This one seemed to be for teamwork.

Raphael nodded.

"Azazel's and Gadreel's clutch though were as good as they were because of things like this. There is a reason they are seen as legendary."

Castiel nodded and looked at the screen intently. He remembered some of the angels from that clutch.

Teme was the first to come to mind. Michael's attack dog as Zachariah called him, he reportedly played a huge part in winning the Rebellion against Lucifer and the Fallen and the Purge against the Grigori.

He apparently could take out whole garrisons. Castiel hadn't seen him since Michael was locked away. He wondered idly if he would be back now that Michael was home...

Castiel snapped out of his reverie as Raphael and Gabriel yelled.

He blinked and looked back at the screen.

Azazel was leading. He hadn't known the mazes employed illusions of creatures, but it made sense back then when their only really enemy had been demons and the monsters of purgatory not each other.

Azazel ducked a stray branch, he ran through the dense forest. He slid to his knees, cutting a werewolf at the legs. He stood and spun and beheaded a vampire.

He beamed, he loved this simulation.

Gadreel was more methodical, not as into showmanship as his brother. He waited for the horde to come to him. He smiled, rolling his shoulders, this was so much more easier than fighting against his siblings. There was no guilt to it.

He let them enclose around him before lunging and killing as many as he could before he dashed away, he threw his head back and grinned as the vampires gave chase.

_*Alright ready for the actual level?*_

Lucifer asked them both as Gadreel killed the last vampire.

"Are we going to finally go against leviathan?"

Azazel asked excitedly.

The archangels frowned.

_*No.*_

Gadreel burst out laughing. He patted Azazel on the arm who beamed at him.

"Maybe next time Aza."

Azazel's smile softened.

"Yeah, maybe next time Rel."

He whispered using Gadreel's own nickname.

Castiel swallowed. He didn't miss Heaven. This is what he missed. This companionship, this kinship. He missed Balthazar calling him Cassie, a childhood nickname he hadn't allowed from anyone but him.

The maze shifted, the jungle giving way to grassy plains. Azazel groaned he hated open fields, there was no element of surprise.

Gadreel sighed mournfully as he spotted the high tree tops.

"Have you heard from any of them?"

Azazel shook his head, he swallowed. He tired not to remember his brothers-in-arms.

"I was too busy being a demon, Tamiel was alive for a while. Maybe he found Daniel?"

Azazel speculated following Gadreel's gaze. Daniel was the best bowmen they had had.

He swallowed thickly remembering those early days, before Raphael had come for him, when they were still on the run.

*******

_Daniel held his hands tightly. His face tear stained._

_"You won't leave me right? You promise? You promise you'll never leave me?"_

_Azazel swallows and nods. He kneels in front of him._

_"As long as I breathe I will find you. I won't leave you Daniel."_

_Daniel doesn't seem to hear. He curls inward, his claimant flashing in the predawn light._

_Azazel's blood boils._

_Phanuel. What kind of mate leaves there's to suffer like this? He was no better than Michael. Both were selfish, obedient and —_

_"Paint me something Aza?"_

_Daniel asks quietly, his dark brown eyes looking up at him through his light yellow wings._

_Azazel nods and moves to sit next to him._

_"Yes, of course. What would you like?"_

_"My son."_

*******

Gadreel dragged him out of the way as a rugaroo lunged for them.

"Pay attention. The trees."

Azazel blinked snapping out of the reverie and beginning to climb the tree Gadreel pointed at. The Rugaroo snarled at them from below.

"Why can't we just kill them?"

Azazel asked though Gadreel was too absorbed in climbing to answer.

_*This level is about stealth and evading not killing. You won't be able to kill them.*_

Lucifer says in his mind.

Azazel nodded. He looked ahead to see a the path twist back into the main maze.

"Gadreel follow me!"

He jumped down and ducked the claw of the Rugaroo. He sprinted toward the opening, Gadreel at his heels. He didn't think they were allowed to use their wings in his simulation either, it would have made it too easy.

They turn the corner and a wall went up trapping the Rugaroo in the grassy plane level.

They could still hear it's snarl.

Gadreel pointed down a now stone walled path. Swords slid into their hands and they slowly eased their way down the corridor.

Wincing whenever the stone floor underfoot shook slightly.

There was something up ahead. Something powerful and big.

Azazel grinned at the thought, finally something challenging.

Castiel looked toward the archangels, they seem to be conversing amongst themselves. Raphael looked resigned but amused, Gabriel nervous and excited.

And Lucifer, Lucifer looked proud? Castiel blinked and titled his head. He wasn't sure why.

Back in the maze Gadreel and Azazel came up to a set of high wooden doors. They glanced at each other and pushed the doors open.

Inside the circular room was a dipped stage like area. A wooden chest stood open with a various assortment of heavenly wines and angelic sweets.

Gadreel and Azazel stepped inside only for the doors to close.

_*Remember if it gets too much you can always asked to be let out.*_

Lucifer seemed to pause and his voice seemed to smile.

_*Also, congrats Azazel you finally get your wish.*_

A form slithered through the floor, it's black body circling the box.

Azazel beamed as Gadreel looked at him for direction.

"Borax. We need to add a layer of borax to our swords."

Azazel said grabbing Gadreel's sword and putting them both quickly against the wall and covering them both in borax.

"You just carry that with you?"

"I'm nothing if not prepared Gadreel."

Azazel said with a smirk tossing the sword back at him.

They turned as one and began to advance on the box. The leviathan's form solidified and it became a man in a vest with brown hair and blue eyes.

Castiel's eyes narrowed, was that the leviathan that had helped Sam and Dean? It was an odd illusion to use, he didn't think Lucifer cared about real world accuracy.

The leviathan regarded them coolly albeit warily.

"Why am I here?"

"Training exercise."

Azazel said cheerfully advancing.

George smirked and changed into a pile of goo and slithered up the wall to a ledge. He grinned down at them.

"Too slow wind up dolls?"

They snarled.

Castiel blinked and looked at Gabriel warily.

"Wait is the leviathan not an illusion?"

Gabriel gave him an amused smile before shaking his head.

"Nope. All monsters are real and brought in for the training exercise."

Castiel stared back at the tv with renewed interest. This made this maze even more deadly. No wonder they were banned.

George smirked at them and licked his lips.

"Oh I can't wait to devour you both. It's been a long time since I tasted an angel."

They hissed, instinctively moving closer together. They moved as one toward George flying up him and cutting him with their swords.

He screamed, loosing his balance as he fell back to the ground. His black goo like body sizzled and burned, giving off a burned rubber like stench.

He advanced toward them his features distorted from the burning. They split up as he lunge forward. They circled and hacked at him. He hissed and moved to claw and hurt them.

Gadreel finally getting a good enough shot to decapitate him. Azazel pouted as George's head went rolling.

"I wanted to do that."

Gadreel chuckled and shook his head. He moved toward him.

"Promise me something?"

Azazel stiffened but nodded seriously.

"Anything."

"You'll be just as loyal to our younger siblings as you are to our clutch. As you are to me or Raphael?"

Raphael hissed softly, he didn't like Gadreel twisting Azazel's sense of justice. Gabriel elbowed him lightly.

_*This could be a good thing.*_

_*Right, because you want to keep your new mate safe and happy.*_

_*Shut up Raphie.*_

Raphael smirked at Gabriel who rolled his eyes.

Lucifer and Castiel ignored both archangels, instead waiting for Azazel's answer.

"Only if you tell me if you actually meant those words."

"Of course I didn't. My Grace stings every time I repeat them in my head. You were loyal when you didn't need to be. I don't know what I would have done in that position, I don't know what I would have done if Michael had —"

He broke off and looked away, he took a deep breath.

"I don't blame you for _surviving_ Azazel, I admire that quality in you, I always have. I blame you for _hurting_ the humans. Our brothers fell for their love of humanity. You had a family with one of them. It seems a drastic change to go from that to breaking a family apart."

Azazel sighed and ducked his head, he didn't meet Raphael's eyes, he didn't want to see the usual anger there.

"It is drastic because he had nothing to hold onto. When he came out he was furious. He told me he didn't blame me for what I had done when I was binding him, he even said he loved me. But being locked away in the dark, alone, breaks people, don't they?"

Raphael asked softly looking at Lucifer and Gadreel in turn, both of whom looked slightly embarrassed. Azazel stared at Raphael in slight surprise.

_*I love you so much right now.*_

Raphael winked at him, a small smirk adorning his features.

_*I know my Hummingbird. I love you too.*_

Azazel blushed slightly at the intimate nickname and looked at Gadreel. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck.

"So... friends?"

Gadreel gave him a long look before shaking his head.

"Brothers."

He said with a small, warm, smile. Azazel beamed and nodded pulling Gadreel into a tight hug. Relief clearly seen in the way he held him.

"Brothers."

Azazel echoed.

Meshabber lay on the ground looking up at Michael idly.

"How are the nightmares?"

He asked softly, he remembered the first time Michael had come to him at night. He was disoriented and terrified. He begged him to make him forget the cage, to give him something else.

So Meshabber had, he showed him a memory of his childhood, of when Amara and Chuck hadn't hated each other and had even gotten along.

It seemed to calm him down enough that he was gone the next morning. Though he came back most nights, Meshabber was beginning to worry he was becoming addicted to the memories, every time he'd done that to other angels who were unfortunate enough to wander down to where he was locked away they became addicted too.

Though he'd only really done it to one or two of them. Not enough to know conclusively.

Michael gave him a gentle smile.

"I'm feeling a lot better, is it alright if I come back tonight?"

"You know I'd never said no to you Michael. But I'm not giving you anymore memories."

Michael brushed his fingers through Meshabber's hair.

"I know, and I hopefully won't need anymore. I think it's the proximity more than anything."

"You should move on."

Meshabber said softly, leaning into his older brother's touch.

Michael chuckled softly.

"Find me an angel and I will consider it."

Meshabber hummed.

"Have you seen Teme?"

Michael shook his head.

Meshabber sat up to look at him seriously.

"I'm worried something has happened to him. From what I know he's alive, yet he's not come back."

"I will find him first thing tomorrow Mesh I promise."

Meshabber nodded and lay his head on his lap.

"I believe you. Thank you for coming back, I know it must be hard."

Michael bit back the urge to cry, why didn't his other siblings understand that? Why didn't they see how hard it was to rule? Why was Mesh, the one archangel more removed from all of this than Lucifer the one who understood?

He pulled Meshabber into his lap, he held him tightly.

"I came back for you, for all our siblings who needed someone to guide them."

Meshabber hummed softly, brushing through Michael's wings softly.

"And who will guide you Michael?"

"I - I don't know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, when I have multiple povs would you all like it better if I have some kind of break in between or not?


	17. No More: Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get some tissues, you're going to need it. 
> 
> Also this is setting up all the conflict for coming chapters don't get mad at me! 
> 
> They'll confess at some point, I promise!
> 
> :)

Castiel followed Sam and Dean on what should have been a regular demon hunt. He held his blade at the ready as they came to the abandoned house in the woods.

The demon stood waiting but Castiel gasped softly. This wasn't an ordinary demon. His face was chalky white, his arms were black like ink. The vessel's milky blue eyes gave way to pupils of silver.

The brothers halted at that, this was a new monster. But they advanced, shouting insults and witty words as they did. The demon backed away from their blades though it hissed and snarled.

It's wings raised in challenge, as a show of dominance. Castiel's blade clattered to floor, and he sagged against the wall in shock.

Angel wings. This demon had angel wings. He squeezed his eyes shut and began to call for help.

_*Gabriel, Gabriel please come I need you.*_

Azazel was drying off his body as he heard Raphael and Gabriel talking in soft tones. He shouldn't have thought anything of it, they might have assumed he'd been asleep and didn't want to wake him.

"— I know Raphael, I just - he just gives so many mixed signals, I don't even know if Castiel wants to mate with me."

Azazel pushed through the door and glared down at them, his eyes blazed.

"You want to mate with Castiel?!"

Gabriel gulped, his eyes wide.

"Shit, hi Azazel. Too late to say no?"

Azazel growled.

"I can forgive a lot, but not this. It's one thing to forget your own family, but how could you forget him?!"

Raphael sighed and closed his eyes.

"Don't you dare lecture me Raphael, he worked under you, how could you be okay with this?"

"Harviel doesn't need to come back to this, and I respect Gabriel's intellect to trust he knows what he's doing."

"To this? To the one time since the Rebellion we're all getting along?"

Azazel growled and disappeared. He needed a drink.

Garviel looked at Raphael wide eyed.

"He can't say anything. Castiel doesn't know, please Raphael, please stop him."

Raphael stood and nodded.

"As long as you promise me you'll tell Castiel. Don't start this new chapter of your existence on lies Bird."

Gabriel nodded titling his head as he heard the frantic prayer.

"Hold that thought."

He appeared making the demon turn in surprise and snap at him, it's silver eyes flashing.

Gabriel sighed in resignation.

"You used to be so gentle."

He snapped his fingers sending Asmodel back to Malik and Hell. He turned to the Winchesters. He ignored them and made his way to Castiel who was looking at him wide eyed.

"What was that?"

"An angel, a corrupted one. I take it Michael and Raphael didn't tell you about Mortia?"

At Castiel's blank look Gabriel sighed and snapped them all to the bunker.

"Get some pen and paper Sasquatch, this is one Hell of a doozy."

Michael landed after a couple of hours of searching, it may have been hard for other angels to find him but Michael had raised him. He knew Teme inside and out.

He walked toward the cave entrance slowly, knowing if Teme was nearby he'd throw one of his daggers before he decided to ask questions.

"Leave."

Michael looked up to see Teme glaring down at him. His wings were dull, his grace unstable. The warm smile slipped off Michael's face.

"What happened?"

Temehulchus hissed at him.

"I said _leave_."

"And I asked you what happened. Do I need to phrase it like a threat Temehulchus?"

Temehulchus deflated and he jumped down, his balance teetering enough that Michael quickly moved to hold him.

"Teme."

Michael whispered softly, his eyes sad for the little brother before him, for how much he'd changed.

**_***_ **

_"Teme, there you are, you have story time now with Zadikel."_

_Michael said with a chuckle coming up behind the little fledgling who was peeking into the armory. He picked Temehulchus up who beamed at him before snuggling against him._

_"I don't wanna storytime! I wanna fight!"_

_Michael kissed the top of his head._

_"And you will after storytime."_

_******* _

Michael came inside the cave and frowned, daggers sat in haphazard piles. They didn't look to have been sharpened in years.

Michael privately believed that Father created Temehulchus to be the perfect soldier. This wasn't like him.

Michael looked at the back of Teme's form to see the twin daggers on his hip still gleaming. Michael relaxed slightly, maybe it wasn't so bad, he still kept those on him and sharpened... hopefully.

~~******* ~~

_"Here Teme, consider it a thank you for all you've done, for being loyal to me when others have wavered. It was an honor to serve with you and train you."_

_Temehulchus looks up him, his gray blue eyes wide. He was shaking as they knelt in front of each other. Teme gingerly took the box, it was carved intricately with flowers and inlaid with daffodil petals, Teme's favorite flowers._

_Temehulchus ran his fingers over the smooth top before slowly opening it and softly gasping._

_The hilts were made of gold plated steel, the blades were sharp, they were from material Teme had never seen. He looked up at Michael in confusion._

_"They are made from the same material as Death's Scythe, I wanted to make you something special, something no other angel would have had."_

_Temehulchus's calm facade broke and he pulled Michael's to him, crying in his arms._

_"You will come back. You_ need _to come back alright? I will drag you back from oblivion if you let that snake win."_

_Michael held him tightly, his face pressed to Teme's neck, breathing in his scent._

_"I promise you, I won't leave you, I'll be back, I intend to deliver us all into Paradise."_

*******

Michael blinked as he heard the clatter of steel against stone, Temehulchus was slashing at the stone, sparks of electricity flew off at each touch.

"Teme! What are you doing? You —"

Michael turned something catching his eye. A tiny blanket lay against a cot, a pale shade of purple. Michael fell to his knees, moving to hold the blanket, it was soft like wool.

The sound had stopped, Temehulchus was staring at him. He looked as if he wanted to run, as if he was bracing for something.

"Teme, what happened?"

Michael asked his voice raw and breaking.

Gabriel sat down and drummed his fingers on the table as the hunters got ready, Castiel thankfully looked a little less shaken.

"So, uh, what's Mortia?"

Sam asked glancing at Castiel and then back at Gabriel.

"Mortia is a virus that Heaven created. It was first proposed by Michael and Phanuel to punish angels that have defected to earth. Raphael was hesitant to join in but in the end he wanted to punish them too."

Castiel stared at him wide eyed. Sam looked at him in shock.

"It's - it's a virus?"

"Punish them?? For what? Free will?"

Dean snapped.

Gabriel nodded, his face resigned.

"The virus works in stages. The first stage is an intense feeling of heat, like the inside of the vessel is boiling. The heat slowly cooks the wings, just enough that there’s a discomfort but not an intense pain."

Sam wrote down, Dean was getting more angry and Castiel's face was unreadable, he would wait till the end to say his words.

Gabriel continued.

"The second is an intense cold, like there is literal ice shards embedded into the skin. When the angel shivers and tries to curl its wings around itself there will be no warmth for them. The fire would have already curled the feathers, the cold would make them brittle and they'd fall off."

Castiel visibly flinched, it was bad enough to have his wings burn when he fell, but to watch them fall? To feel their power fade? That was awful.

Gabriel continued refusing to get side tracked.

"The third stage is the catalyst for the change into a demon, the emotions of an angel becomes uglier and more intense, anger becomes wrath, sadness - depression and so on and so forth. But this stage always ends the same way, the rage takes hold and erodes everything else, all the love and loyalty this angel once had is replaced by a constant fire of hate and anger."

Castiel swallowed.

"You said he used to be gentle, did you know him?"

Gabriel nodded.

"He was a therapist of sorts under Zadikel, you won't know who that is, but he was sweet, naive I remember thinking."

Gabriel rubbed his hands over his face.

"I remember thinking a lot of things about him, mostly revolving around how trusting he was, how naive he was. He  didn't deserve to fall, to become like this."

"What - what was his name?"

Sam asked. Castiel leaned in as well, he suddenly needed to know. To put a name to the twisted brother he may never had met.

"Asmodel."

Gabriel said softly looking at them and rubbing the tears out his eyes. I raised him, he used to cling to me when I would read to him."

Dean cleared his throat, breaking the tense silence.

"What's the last stage?"

"The fourth and final stage is the final transformation, the skin begins to turn sallow and the nails get longer and pointed. The eyes turn silver a mark of a Shade Demon."

"Is there a cure?"

Sam asked softly.

Gabriel shook his head.

"Not that I know of."

They all seemed to deflate at that, Sam and Dean went to their own rooms, trying to forget the horrid past that they'd unwittingly come face to face to.

Castiel and Gabriel faced each other, alone.

"Any other family secrets you want to tell me about?"

Gabriel swallowed, he sounded so much like him when he got like this, this righteous anger. Gabriel mentally shook his head, no, no he'd left him behind in his past.

"No."

He said with a too bright smile.

Castiel grunted.

"I want talk to him."

Gabriel's eyes widened.

"Dad? Really? Uh, okay. I - I'll let him know."

Castiel nodded flying off to Dad knows where. Gabriel groaned, putting his head in his hands.

What was he going to do? He didn't know how Castiel would react to his little secret and he was honestly scared to tell him. There was also the constant eye sex between him and Dean, he was more than a little uncomfortable with how frequent it occurred around him. How did Sam deal with this constantly?

"Teme. Temehulchus you need to tell me —"

"Have you ever experienced blue holy fire?"

He suddenly asked, Michael blinked and titled his head.

"No."

"It's strong, stronger than any holy fire I've ever felt. They - they followed me, hunters a couple - they cornered us."

_*Us?*_

Michael nearly jumped at Mesh's soft voice in his head.

Michael doesn't answer.

"They wanted my blades," Teme continued. "They wanted everything. I of course fought them, or tried to - it was a magic I've never seen. They trapped me in holy fire - _blue_ holy fire."

Temehulchus seemed to hyperventilate, his breathing ragged as if he was reliving the experience.

"They killed them, they were so young Michael. They hadn't even learned to fly."

Temehulchus sank to his knees, his body shaking.

"These hunters - they - they took everything from me, and for what? A couple of sharp pieces of metal?"

_*Are they dead?*_

Mesh now spoke in both of their heads, his voice not betraying his emotions.

"Of course. I followed them a few days later after I had done their rites. I went to their home andd used the daggers Michael gave me, threw it at the man, killing him. His mate stopped chanting and screamed. I was able to kill her too after that, she was too shaken. I spared their child though."

Michael noted that when Teme talked about the woman loosing focus he sounded like his old self, condescending to weaknesses of all sorts, but he was still shaken. He wasn't okay, he hadn't been alright for a long time it seemed.

_*You did what? Why?*_

Meshabber's voice was dry, brush waiting to catch fire and burn everything in its path.

"I don't kill children Mesh, you know this."

_*Go back and kill their son.*_

"No."

_*Their son deserves to die. They took our children, we take their son. That's how it works.*_

" ** _No_**. I am not killing an innocent child!!"

_*Then don't come home, I don't want to see you.*_

Temehulchus violently flinched from the voice in his head. Michael finally snapped out his daze and stood. He moved toward Teme and picked him up as if he weighed nothing and flew them home.

He didn't speak, closing his mind to both his younger brothers who prodded him with questions.

Michael took Teme to his Heaven and placed him in his bed, moving to pull him closer. Temehulchus was shaking.

"You're - you're not angry I ran? I'm sorry Michael I should have stayed but I didn't trust Raphael, he was unstable, I feared for my children."

_*How soon did you know?*_

Mesh asked now, his voice soft, resigned, tired.

"A few weeks after Michael was locked away. I didn't tell you to save you the pain, I'm sorry."

_*I'll accept your apology when you kill that boy.*_

Temehulchus flinched, Michael held him tighter.

"Quiet, both of you. Now we are silent in remembrance for the lives that were not able to be lived."

" _*Yes Michael.*_ "

They both said, Michael held Teme closer, trying to keep himself from strangling something. Why had Father let these two children die?? What did the death of innocent children accomplish?!

Gabriel sighed and stood, he ran a hand through his hair, he sighed. Today was making him even more nostalgic than usual, he remembered his final moments in Heaven with distinct clarity, how could he not? They had been the most bittersweet moments of his existence.

He'd left Anna in his bed that morning. He'd loved her but she could have never been his mate, she was too much like him. He'd exited his Heaven and ran into him in the predawn light.

There had been only one angel in Heaven he'd told of his plans.

*******

_Harviel stared up at him like he did at the fledglings in his care. A mix of annoyance and exasperation._

_"So that's it then? You're really leaving?"_

_"I can't do this Harviel, I can't choose a side, I can't watch the brothers I loved kill each other."_

_Harviel seemed to deflate, his blue eyes seemed to get misty._

_"Will - will I ever see you again?"_

_Gabriel sighed and gave him a soft smile, trying to keep his own tears from falling._

_"I don't know."_

_Harviel sniffed, he reached for him, moving to cry on his chest as Gabriel held him tightly._

_Harviel slowly pulled away._

_"Will you do me one last favor before you leave?"_

_Gabriel sniffed and nodded._

_"What is it Harvie?"_

_"Mate with me. That way I'll at least know when something happens to you. Please Gabriel? I know you're not one to be tied down and I don't want to see cli —"_

_"Yes."_

_Harviel blinked at him in surprise. Gabriel held him tighter. He wondered idly if this is how Raphael and Azazel feel around each other._

_"Yes. Yes I'll mate with you. Nothing would make me happier."_

_Harviel beamed._

_"Thank you."_

_Gabriel shook his head._

_"Thank you for wanting me."_

_He said sofly lenaing down ro kiss him._

*******

They'd gone to Earth to consummate their union, as Gabriel had watched Harviel sleep next to him after he wished he could just leave, to go and never look back, never say goodbye but he knew he'd drive himself made with regret if he did.

*******

_"Let me come with you."_

_Gabriel shook his head and ran a hand down Harviel's jaw._

_"No, you'd hate it. Raphael needs you, promise me you'll be there for him? Promise me you'll be_ **safe** _?"_

_Harviel pouted but he nodded._

_"Promise me you'll be happy."_

_Gabriel nearly sobbed._

_"How can I be happy without you by my side? It's physically impossible."_

_Harviel pulled him into an impulsive kiss._

_"I love you my Sun."_

_"And I you my Moon."_

_Gabriel whispered back melting into the kiss._

*******

They'd always been inexplicably linked, if Gabriel was still naive he'd say that his father is had made Harviel for him. Either way he's always been the ying to his yang.

A millennia ago he'd felt the bond snap, he'd tried to shrug it off, to not drown for an angel he probably wasn't compatible with anymore.

It hadn't worked, he'd fallen head long into one night stands and alcohol and candy. Then he'd found Kali - and she was so removed from everything Harviel had been that he'd allowed himself to think it was love.

But it didn't last and soon he was all alone and more bitter than ever.

He shook his head trying to rid himself of these fanciful thoughts. On a whim he stood and flew to the hotel he died in. He hadn't been back since for obvious reasons, but maybe it would give him some perspective.

He could move on, he had to or he was going to end up like Michael or Raphael. Besides he loved Castiel... right?

He shook his head in annoyance. Of course he did. Or did he love Castiel for who he was reminded of?

He groaned to himself, he was getting nowhere like this. He needed a sense of clarity, and what better way then to see where he'd died?

He moved through the still destroyed hallway to the ballroom and opened the doors.

He was struck hard with the sense of déjà vu. Though what he saw made him sure he wasn't reliving the past.

He saw his own wings burned into the flood which was to be expected. What he didn't anticipate was to see another pair, smaller, and folded on top of themselves almost as if someone had been kneeling next to his body.

"Apparently he came soon after you died, he'd left a couple hundred years ago. He couldn't take it Gabriel, he died of heartbreak."

Azazel said peeling away from the wall he'd been leaning against.

Gabirel didn't question how long Azazel has been here or why. He instead tried to hold onto the door handle but his fingers slipped and he fell to his knees.

"No. No he's supposed to be alive. He's supposed to be happy and safe. Not this, this wasn't supposed to happen."

"Speaking from experience, mates aren't really predictable, sometimes they do things just to piss you off."

Gabriel ignored him and moved to touch the outline of Harviel's wings in the wood. His hands were shaking, he felt numb.

"He can't come back to this Azazel. After everything I've done I don't deserve him. I need to move forward."

Azazel moved wrenching Gabriel's face up to meet his stormy eyes.

"What about what Harviel wants or deserves? Don't you think he should decide his own fate? Shouldn't he be the one to choose what happens to his mate's heart?"

Gabriel swallowed.

"He removed our claimant - the symbol iof our bond. He wanted to end it, to forget. Why else would he —"

"Maybe to _**hide**_? Demons and rouge angels alike would do a lot to get an archangel's mate under their thumb."

Azazel shrugged at Gabriel's horrified expression.

"Welcome to the dark side of war."

Gabriel wrenched away from him. He looked down at the outlines of his once-mate.

"Leave before I do something I regret. I need time to think."

Azazel gazed down at him coolly.

"Here's hoping you're making the right decision."

Castiel straightened his trench coat as he opened the door to a vacant diner.

"Hello Father. We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In happier news I'm going to be right back updating Herald and SoF. So look out for those in the coming days.
> 
> I'm so proud of this chapter, especially for Mortia, let me know what you think.
> 
> While you're commenting let me know, should Harviel come back or not? I'm so thinking Castiel needs more good influences in his life but that's just me.
> 
> :)

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me which angels I missed and what pairing you want!


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